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What can social services do to make an abusive partner leave

(24 Posts)
BoringUsername17 Thu 26-Jan-17 13:50:52

My stbxh has been physically and emotionally abusive to me. He also assaulted our 15 year old son. I do not feel safe with him in the house. A referral to social services has been made. Can they do anything to make him leave?

bibliomania Thu 26-Jan-17 15:22:43

Not their job. They will be looking to see what you do about it, particularly if you have younger dcs.

Try phone Women's Aid for advice on either you moving or what you can do legally to get him to move. If he attacks you or anyone else physically, call the police.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 26-Jan-17 15:36:07

How recent were the physical assaults.
I would suggest if you are near a police station, to go them and tell them everything.
Or call 101 for advice.
As PP has said ensure you call Womens Aid who can give some great advice in this area. 0808 2000 247
I'm sorry you are going through this but you need to get him out.
These support services can help you.

BoringUsername17 Thu 26-Jan-17 15:39:37

Ive asked him to leave and he has responded by getting his solicitor to send me a letter saying that I have made false accusations about him which is not true.

I'm waiting on callbacks from my solicitor, the police and children's services. I am so stressed sad

Ilovecaindingle Thu 26-Jan-17 15:41:05

In the meantime make a log of everything. . And your ds too. .. He is old enough to be listened to if it all goes to court. .

PacificDogwod Thu 26-Jan-17 15:45:13

SS have no powers to remove him.

Do involve the police every time he is abusive, whether that is physically or verbally threatening.
Keep a written log of everything that occurs.

If you are not sure whether you are safe, then your priority must be to keep your DCs safe, even if that means that you have to (unfairly) leave.

Contact Women's Aid for advice.

V best of luck thanks

AcademicNerd Thu 26-Jan-17 17:39:57

So you've already made some calls? That's excellent, really good to hear.

Can you gather yourself to make a couple more? Women's Aid is good. If a stalking situation develops (or already has), try Paladin (020 3866 4107).

MrsBertBibby Thu 26-Jan-17 17:43:06

Do you own your home? Or is it private rental, or housing association?

Have you started your divorce yet?

BoringUsername17 Thu 26-Jan-17 21:18:25

Thanks everyone. Today has been a bad day. I just want to protect my kids. Stbxh wants money first, kids feelings are second

I am seeing my sol tmrw. She has outlined a plan . Here's hoping it works

throwingpebbles Thu 26-Jan-17 21:23:45

Glad you have seen solicitor. There is lots the court can do to protect you.

owlmug Thu 26-Jan-17 22:29:08

Unfortunately, you and the children will have to leave if you want to protect them and yourself. Children's services will most likely view it this way as well.

MinnieF1 Thu 26-Jan-17 22:57:29

Technically SS can apply to the court to have the perpetrator excluded from the family home where the other parent is in agreement. However, you could apply for an occupation order, but these are only applicable in certain situations. Or you could apply for a non-mol order and ask for arrest powers to be attached to it.

Good luck. flowers

cestlavielife Thu 26-Jan-17 23:00:10

Police can remove him if he just assaulted you..or advise him to leave.
Is he in the house now ?
Can you and ds go somewhere temporarily?

BoringUsername17 Fri 27-Jan-17 10:26:20

He's not in the house now. I will see what the sol. suggests as best thing to do. I don't want to go to the police. If he is not charged he will see it as me persecuting him fir no reason. But I don't want him to end up with a criminal record either. sad

AnyFucker Fri 27-Jan-17 10:31:57

You are excluding the best route to get the outcome you want

Reporting him to the police is the best way to effect the changes you want

So many women baulk at this step but you are foolish to do so

A criminal record would be his responsibility, not yours

If any man assaulted my kids I would be straight down the nick. I hope someone takes that out of your hands, tbh

PotteringAlong Fri 27-Jan-17 10:36:11

You need to go to the police.

BumDNC Fri 27-Jan-17 11:26:02

Social services would expect you to take all reasonable routes to protect your child and yourself. Refusing to call the police could be seen as you not making a good choice and using the correct services. They want to see that you are using all available resources to better the situation. Not involving the police shows you still have HIS needs placed higher than you ought to

PacificDogwod Fri 27-Jan-17 14:11:12

Please contact the police to log this assault (and every subsequent ones).

It is NOT up to you whether he will be charged, let alone convicted of any criminal act - and if he does that would be down to HIS actions, not you doing the right thing to protect your children and yourself.

You priorities are skewed, likely because your head has been messed with.

And yes, you not taking all reasonable steps to protect your children many work against you.

Stay safe.
Call appropriate help - and for abuse or threatening behaviour that's the police.

cestlavielife Fri 27-Jan-17 14:30:28

he assaulted you
he assaulted your son
let police cps decide if he gets criminal record or not

Hidingtonothing Fri 27-Jan-17 17:06:28

Whether he gets a criminal record or not is not your responsibility. If he wants to avoid charges he needs to not commit offences and abusing and assaulting his family is a criminal offence.

Why would you feel you need to protect him from the consequences of his actions? Apart from the message it sends to him that you've allowed him to go unpunished what is that teaching your DS about his own importance and right to not be assaulted?

Social services will be looking at your ability/willingness to protect DC and will be expecting you to take any and all help available to keep them safe from your STBXH, including involving the police and pressing charges against him.

As PP's have said there is much the police and courts can do to protect you and DC but you have to engage with them and stop prioritising the repercussions to his life over yours and DC's safety. He has effectively trained you (via his emotional abuse of you) to place more importance on his potential reactions than your own and DC's welfare and it's vital you break that habit now or you will continue to put yourself and DC at risk from him.

BoringUsername17 Sat 28-Jan-17 04:04:06

Thanks all-I do take it seriously it's just that my confidence in the police is not great as I reported the assault on my son at the time and they did not do anything about it. I've complained to the police about it. I've also agreed to make a statement now. My solicitor is preparing an application for non-mol and occupation orders. Stbxh has left the house with 2 suitcases and had told the kids he had to leave because I have been threatening him and making up lies about him so they are very angry with both of us and sad. I've told them this is not true and said he has been bullying me. Am going to need some family therapy to work through this with them.
He has refused to tell me if his moving out is temporary or permanent. I'm going to to try and get a relative to come and stay with me as I feel very vulnerable not knowing if he will return . He has form for telling the police he will stay away then coming back regardless.

Deathraystare Sat 28-Jan-17 07:30:47

Change the locks.

BumDNC Sat 28-Jan-17 10:09:58

I can see it's all complicated but you have to follow the right path, even if you are frustrated by their lack of actions.

PacificDogwod Sat 28-Jan-17 12:32:45

All sounds very hard - so sorry.

Please carry on logging every incident with the police, whether they take the action you would like or not. Have it on record. It will stand you in good stead in the long run.

Good to hear you'll have some family support.

I agree that changing the lock would make you feel safer, but check with your solicitor whether you legally can - if so, do it.


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