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Marriage slowly dying.

(4 Posts)
Midnight3 Thu 26-Jan-17 11:27:00

Sorry, if I am rumbling, my first post.

Here it goes...
My DH(31) and I(26) have been married for 5 years, together for 6, we also have a 2 year old DD.
When we started dating, it was all fun, we got on great and sex was as good as it can get. We spent few years quite happy, but then when I was approx 5months pregnant, I caught him on a dating website and also chatting to girls on facebook. When confronted, he got a bit defensive at first, but then apologised, so I forgave him and laid it to rest.
After the baby was born I kinda noticed that our sex life has died down. Then one evening we had a conversation and he basically told me that he doesnt find me as attractive because I gained some weight while being on mat leave. It hurt me a bit but I did realise I was getting a bit unhealthy. For 6 months I was working hard to lose some weight and the end result was that I lost 3st and was super proud of myself. Our marriage life also improved.

Fast forward to Dec 2016. We went on a holiday to Africa to visit my in laws and bring out daughter there for the first time. It was all fun, sightseeing, going to the beach...
But he started behaving quite secretive and I found him carrying condoms( we don't use condoms, because I have a coil), so naturally I came to a conclusion that he is cheating on me. When confronted, he got very defensive and told me he has nothing to explain to me.
For some visa reasons I had to return to UK earlier than him. I was still upset so I had sex with someone else, and the craziest thing is...both the man and me, feel like we have found something worth pursuing between us. I do feel very torn between the man and my marriage.
I feel like I am staying in the marriage just because of my daughter and because its not financially viable for me to leave. But then I spend nights awake thinking how I shouldnt be so unhappy and should just try to split amicably, so I could find someone I have a better connection with.

Sorry it's so long.
Not sure what I am looking for posting it,m maybe some advice, maybe someone in the same situation can share their experience. Or really I have no one else I can share this with in real life.

Thank you for reading this

Happybunny19 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:34:07

Is it possible you've grown apart from your DH? I think you're right and you should split amicably. Check on the government website to check what benefits you're entitled to. Good luck, you do deserve to be happy, you're still so very young to be stuck in an unhealthy and unhappy marriage.

TwitterQueen1 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:36:25

Well you've both slept with other people and neither of you seem sorry about it so I would say that yes, your marriage is dying.

Best to do it quickly, and as calmly and reasonably as you can.

Midnight3 Thu 26-Jan-17 18:19:00

Happybunny19 Yes, I think we have grown apart, I suddenly realise we have nothing in common anymore, apart from our daughter and running the household.

TwitterQueen1 DH seems to be sorry, but I believe he is sorry he got caught. And... I think you are right about splitting up, but everytime I try to talk to him about it , I get sick to my stomach and just drop it.

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