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Should I stay or should I go???

(15 Posts)
Bellefleur14 Wed 25-Jan-17 23:15:29

Hi ladies.. new to this and a tad nervous but here it goes...
I have been with my partner for almost 9 years and lately seriously questioning our relationship. We tried for 3 years to conceive then had a miscarriage before falling pregnant with our daughter who is now 6 months. My partner does absolutely nothing, he does work which is fair enough but picking up after him is a full time job and it's getting me down having our child in a mess. DD is very demanding and screams when put down (something I am not complaining about as this is something I thought I would never have the pleasure to deal with, but it can be exhausting) but thought he would do more. He is ridiculous with money, spends £200 a month on an online game and didn't buy a single Xmas pressie, and acts like I owe him as he is carrying us financially whilst I am on maternity leave, although he waits until every bit of my money is gone before contributing. We had to raid our penny jar for food shopping. He emotionally cheated with a girl from work for goodness knows how long, and he's just so miserable. He only enjoys lying on the couch playing on a game. He once said it's all he has in life?? When I suggest doing something he says he will only do it if we leave our DD with someone as she will 'ruin' it! Hence why we don't do anything!
I kinda blame/hate myself as he has always been the same and I don't expect anyone to have to change who they are to please someone else but I just thought he may of grown up a bit.
He's not a dick all of the time and we still make each other laugh.. which I think is important in a relationship.. I just feel so low, we talk about it all of the time but nothing changes. Deep down I'd be really sad to break up but don't see any other option?
I don't know what I want really.
I have anxiety and have started sorting work stuff for when I return so don't know if it's this looming over me making small things seem major as the thought of leaving DD is making me feel physically sick. I haven't slept in over a week and I just don't know where I'm at.

Bellefleur14 Wed 25-Jan-17 23:16:06

Ps sorry for the novel...
Don't even know what I'm expecting from anyone tbh

grosseconnasse Wed 25-Jan-17 23:27:07

Have my first LTB. Seriously, he's a dick.

Bellefleur14 Thu 26-Jan-17 00:34:29

Thanks for your response.. and honesty smile

OhMrsQ Thu 26-Jan-17 00:37:44

Yes, please leave.
It may seem overwhelming. No-one deserves to be treated like that. Spending that much money on a game but no presents for Christmas.
Emotionally cheating.

I'm sorry. I have been in that shitty situation and couldn't see a way out, and I wish I could do everything to help other women leave.

Rockingaround Thu 26-Jan-17 00:46:58

You deserve the support and love and enthusiasm from him to enjoy your beautiful daughter and she deserves a happy and cherished mummy; I guarantee that your days are harder and more exhausting (yet a million times more rewarding) than his. Just ask him to leave, I think you need some space, it'll be easier without him. Just give it 6 weeks and see how you feel then, how can your gorgeous 6mth old ruin anything!?! Those types of comments would break my heart, you deserve so much better, the first year with your first born should be completely sleep-derived, exhausted-team-work bliss, that first year is the bedrock for parenting and you've got to be in it together and if he's not, you may as well go it alone as that first year is as hard as it gets and if he's not in it with you, he's not in it at all flowers

UnderbeneathsiesTheMistletoe Thu 26-Jan-17 00:47:37

A big LTB from me too.

Get a shit hot lawyer and make sure he pays his share for your daughter.

Congratulations on your baby. Good luck without the man child. I'm sure you'll be better than fine without his draining work creating presence. Your DD won't miss him either as a happy mum is a good one!

Bellefleur14 Thu 26-Jan-17 01:49:00

Thank you ladies,
We have talked about separating so much it has lost meaning. I think he probably wants to go but it's too much effort!

Rockingaround Thu 26-Jan-17 02:37:58

Tell him you need him to go as its too much effort for you to have him stay xx

YouHadMeAtCake Thu 26-Jan-17 02:54:46

Leave. I had not even got half way through your post before I decided that. You and your DD deserve better. He's a twat.

FastWindow Thu 26-Jan-17 03:00:30

youhadmeatcake op had me at the exact same point. Your nn was all I needed to say

Op : get hard or get rid. Sorry, but one child in the house is enough.

InTheMoodForLove Thu 26-Jan-17 07:22:28

It sounds like he is resentful of your little girl ??? Or not attached...
You must have a really serious chat and lots need changing. When he gets in he should do the evening routine with her, and you should go out even if its just to facilitate that. He needs to care for her.

Happybunny19 Thu 26-Jan-17 10:19:36

He sounds awful op, I'm sorry but it's a leave from me too flowers

Ilovecaindingle Thu 26-Jan-17 10:23:40

So you have a baby and a game playing man child? Effectively you are already a single parent. . At least you will have one less to run around after if you split up. . He doesn't contribute anything to your family. Finances aren't instead of being a partner /father. He is a lazy fucker. Think how stress free your life. would be. . And you can have fun with your dd without him ruining it. .

Madratlady Fri 27-Jan-17 11:43:21

What do you gain from staying with him? Finances aren't everything, you'd be able to manage without him, have a look at a benefits calculator and don't forget he will have to pay towards your DD.

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