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Should Ex pay child care on 'his' days if he doesn't have the kids.

(23 Posts)
donners312 Wed 25-Jan-17 14:46:52

All a bit academic as ex never see's the children.

But he is taking me to court for access (have posted loads of times)

He is unreliable, unreasonable and will not agree days just expects to see them as and when irrespective of their plans.

He also asked for half the holidays - i said yes thats fine as long as you pay for child care if you don't have them as i need to work and make plans.

he said there is no way he will agree to that!

But surely a court would say he had to?


throwingpebbles Wed 25-Jan-17 14:49:52

The agreement we have, so far, as ex is unreliable is that he gets set dates and if he doesn't have the children they don't get swapped he just misses out (judge thought that was totally fair).

I didn't raise childcare costs for those weeks he doesn't bother having them as we ran out of time. But I wish I had....

donners312 Wed 25-Jan-17 14:54:15

I know last summer for example i arranged for the children to stay at my parents for half the summer holidays whilst i worked. Then he was a no show for his weeks meaning i had to put the children in child care which meant i earnt nothing really.

I just don't get how he thinks he can just rock up when he wants and if he doesn't...... well thats my problem and i can pay for the child care and inconvenience.

But wondering what a court would rule as if they said the costs were his going to court could really cost him.

he doesn't pay maintenance etc so ALL costs are down to me.

BackToBasics1808 Wed 25-Jan-17 14:56:35

This was brought up within my CAO with ex - however they said that any childcare (for when he has in holidays in my case as I still need to pay to keep their space as is standard) were down to me to pay as he pays CMS

Suppose in your circumstance you could try and negotiate this but make sure whatever is agreed it is written in the CAO

Mumofgoff Wed 25-Jan-17 14:59:37

I wasn't happy about my ex having DD on a week day as he was unreliable and I was worried about losing my childcare space, one of the options given in court was that he pay childcare for that day so the place was kept open for her if (when) he let me down. So I'd think that it would be reasonable to assume your ex should pay for childcare on his days if he doesn't have the kids.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 25-Jan-17 15:02:13

Is he paying maintenance?

donners312 Wed 25-Jan-17 15:03:23

Thanks - i can't believe your ex got away without paying childcare because he pays maintenance. In a lot of cases the maintenance (whole 16%) wouldn't even cover the childcare. The whole thing is a joke!

Ilovecaindingle Wed 25-Jan-17 15:06:21

When the kids are in his time they are his responsibility so he would have to arrange childcare. . You 'manage' their care in your time so he would have to do the same. .

donners312 Wed 25-Jan-17 15:06:23

Not a penny - has loads of money but refuses to work so 'he is not legally obligated' to pay maintenance.

He doesn't even want to see the kids whatever i suggest he says no he wants the opposite.

But now taking me to court but considering he cannot commit to a set time eg once a week/month/year I don't know what he will ask for??

He also refuses to pay child care in the event that he doesn't have them at an agreed time - which means i would have to sort out last minute childcare I had to put my 10 year old in a nursery full of toddlers the last time he let me down (i don't need regular child care i work around the children most of the time)

Butterymuffin Wed 25-Jan-17 15:12:36

I think you might as well let him take you to court and thrash all this out. Have you seen a solicitor? I would look for some affordable advice on how to make him pay his share.

Stripyhoglets Wed 25-Jan-17 18:00:47

Make sure it's sorted clearly when he will have them and that he will be responsible for child care if he let's them down. If he's not even working it shouldn't be difficult for him to have them when he's agreed. Just stand firm and make it clear that you are both stopping g him having them but as a single working parent who receives no child support you and the children need to know where you stand .

Stripyhoglets Wed 25-Jan-17 18:01:19

Not stopping him have them - that should say!

donners312 Wed 25-Jan-17 18:13:21

yes you would think not working would mean he could see them more than twice a year wouldn't you - but it's hard to make plans when you have holidays to go on so sadly he can't commit to set times or days.

He also chose to live 4/5 hours drive away although now i have no idea where he lives as he seems to have moved in with an unknown woman. social media great for keeping tabs!

donners312 Wed 25-Jan-17 18:15:53

an example of his unreasonableness would be:-

"I insist i have the children for half of the holidays"

I reply that is fine, here is a schedule, and please confirm that should you be unable to have the children for these dates that you will pay the childcare costs.

"under no circumstances can i confirm i will pay childcare costs as i don't know what i will be doing on those dates"

and repeatedly repeat!!!!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Wed 25-Jan-17 18:18:41

Why are some men so Fucking useless?
He's getting me, a complete stranger, really angry.
God knows how you put up with it

throwingpebbles Wed 25-Jan-17 18:31:42

Haha donners that is the kind of email I get. I feel your pain wine

throwingpebbles Wed 25-Jan-17 18:32:58

Could you try mediation. We have been and actually the mediator was quite fierce with my ex and has managed to knock a tiny weeny bit of sense into him on some issues.

donners312 Wed 25-Jan-17 18:36:09

Funny enough he has sent me a mediation email - tomorrow is my last day to respond but i cannot in a million years imagine it would make any difference and just fuels his drama loving desires to prove he is a good dad fighting the good fight to see his children.

I don't want to pay to sit there and listen to his lies.

I have been a bit torn whether to go or not but i do feel it is pointless mainly because he has done nothing to indicate any care whatsoever for his children and i do mean nothing!!!

donners312 Wed 25-Jan-17 18:36:53

thanks breakfast - oh there is a lot more i could tell you ha ha!!

Kittencatkins123 Wed 25-Jan-17 22:07:37

This man is utterly fuckwitted!
How the HELL does he get away with this?
Also raging on your behalf OP angry

ladylambkin Wed 25-Jan-17 22:39:17

I would recommend that you attend mediation

Mils45 Wed 25-Jan-17 22:41:29

Go to mediation because it works in your favour at court if you try?

throwingpebbles Thu 26-Jan-17 07:10:00

Go to the mediation! If you get a decent mediator they will shake some sense into him. If you refuse to go it will look bad on you in court.

If he is totally intractable and idiotic in mediation that can be noted as your reason not to in court. Nothing to lose by going.

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