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Too nervous to date!

(66 Posts)
welshcakesareyummy Tue 24-Jan-17 13:53:28

Not sure how to overcome this.
I'm a single mum, mI'd 30's. I started online dating a few months back. Went on a couple of dates and could not relax the whole date. One date led to date 2 and 3 but we decided it wasn't meant to be. I then thought I'd stop as I didn't like Internet dating. Someone I was chatting to quite a bit requested me as a friend on fb. I told him I wasn't interested in dating and we remained friends. Chat a bit. Anyway at Christmas something happened and I thought right I need to get back out there so rejoined a site. This guy (friend) saw I was on there and asked me out. I know it sounds crazy but I feel he is too good looking for me. I am a size 14 and all my photos are head shots. I have told him I'm not super skinny. Truth is I'm not actually slim am I? I have arranged to meet him tomorrow and I feel sick. I'm going to be really nervous and my breathing goes all funny. I can't have wine as I'm driving.
I feel he is expecting something I'm not. He say I'm beautiful but he hasn't met me. I can't help but think I'm punching above my level. I'ts like I'm already expecting the rejection and feeling that. I think if I don't meet him I don't get hurt.

CockacidalManiac Tue 24-Jan-17 17:20:07

Faint heart never won fair lad!
I know it's difficult, I've done it myself, but the more you do it the easier it gets.

Bluntness100 Tue 24-Jan-17 17:26:20

Size 14 isn't fat, stop stressing, and you'd be surprised at guys and how they think, he obviously likes your face. So be confident.

If you need to, change your profile pic to a full length, but I doubt it's necessary.

Bant Tue 24-Jan-17 17:26:36

Join the dating thread on here.

Three major points.

Size 14 isn't large. And even if it was, most decent men aren't looking for a stick insect anyway

Secondly, he should be trying to impress you. Judge his worth, not yours.
Most first dates are also last dates because the chemistry isn't there anyway. Don't overthink

Thirdly, If it's not fun, stop

TheZeppo Tue 24-Jan-17 17:42:13

I understand.

I'm not overweight, but I just... Well. I'm not very pretty blush but I am quite photogenic! I realise that's a contradiction, but u just think I look OK in photos, but real life not so much. I have braces and very fine hair and none of that you see in a pic.

I know it's a self-confidence thing. Doesn't shut the voice up though.

welshcakesareyummy Tue 24-Jan-17 18:51:56

Thankyou all so much.
I'm so so anxious. I have been reading Internet sites to help me as my legs seriously go numb! My voice goes all funny.
My photos are definitely better than in real life. It's like he's expecting something and he's going to get me! I'm trying to be confident. I don't really know how to be!
He's not nervous. He's quite yummy I bet he does this all the time.
Aww TheZeppo I bet you are pretty.

Dieu Tue 24-Jan-17 18:54:00

One word: alcohol! wink

welshcakesareyummy Tue 24-Jan-17 19:16:05

I'm driving to meet him 🙈

Lilacpink40 Tue 24-Jan-17 19:28:59

Dating thread as highlighted by Bant

Dating is a minefield and the thread helps as a guide through it.

Afterthestorm Tue 24-Jan-17 19:32:04

Maybe just think of it as meeting a friend, not a date. If you have low expectations then you may have a pleasant surprise. Also, his photos may be very flattering too.....

Bant Tue 24-Jan-17 19:32:27

How do you know hes not ridiculously photogenic.

He could be hideous in real life. The photos could be ten years old. He could be five feet tall. He could be wearing a wedding ring. He could have a squeaky voice.

Don't overthink. It's all bullshit until it actually happens. Until then you're just blowing up a positive ideal fantasy of him, and comparing it to an unrealistically negative idea of yourself.

welshcakesareyummy Tue 24-Jan-17 19:44:37

Hmm I suppose.
I'm trying to think of it as he's a friend. I love meeting friends. I wish I could have wine!

Afterthestorm Tue 24-Jan-17 23:08:10

Go for it. He's just a friend, repeat after me...

And report back! 😆

welshcakesareyummy Wed 25-Jan-17 09:15:36

I have been on the toilet all morning. Sorry too much information!
This is absolutely ridiculous! It's not exciting! 'Dating is exciting' they said!

BernieBear Wed 25-Jan-17 09:25:15

I used to feel like you, then I joined the Dating thread on here. It really helped and I agree with what Bant said about blowing up a positive fantasy of him, and comparing it to an unrealistically negative idea of yourself. He's right about that, but it's so easy to do.

I had a date on Saturday and it turned out this guy was amazingly photogenic but looked nothing like his pics in real life (he wasn't a very nice person either!) very disappointing

Good luck - remember this is your life and you are doing this for you, not him! Report back please!

welshcakesareyummy Wed 25-Jan-17 09:46:26

Thankyou smile
I'm trying to think that way!

Bluntness100 Wed 25-Jan-17 09:49:47

He's going to be nervous too, and focusing on him as you are focusing on you, so don't worry, plan an outfit you feel good in, sometimes when we know we look good it gives us confidence. 😃

CockacidalManiac Wed 25-Jan-17 09:52:06

I have been on the toilet all morning. Sorry too much information!

Imagine him on the loo all morning; it might help.

welshcakesareyummy Wed 25-Jan-17 09:54:49

It's late afternoon so casual so jeans but I will be wearing my boots with a heel. For some reason I feel slimmer. I'm not slim though.
Thankyou all.
Oh god if he's nervous too 🙈
Oh god this is torture for my tummy this morning!

welshcakesareyummy Wed 25-Jan-17 09:56:12

Haha 🙈

Bluntness100 Wed 25-Jan-17 09:59:10

Yup, boots with a heel work, nice top, good jeans, do hair and make up, you'll look great.,,😃

Lilacpink40 Wed 25-Jan-17 10:00:14

What you're feeling is normal and hard to just stop. Are you messaging each other in the day as that can help him seem more 'human' and less 'new'?

welshcakesareyummy Wed 25-Jan-17 10:07:31

Thanks blunt wink
I have been chatting to him for months as friends as I just get too nervous to date. I think it's made it worse as I have painted a picture and I think he has too. I just don't want him to be disappointed. My pics don't show my fat butt confused

Lilacpink40 Wed 25-Jan-17 10:11:46

I've found dates like a curvy bum grin

CockacidalManiac Wed 25-Jan-17 10:14:02

Yes; speaking from experience, men like a curvy bum, especially in jeans.

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