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Twats... how to equip myself in future?

(14 Posts)
CreamTeaTotty Mon 23-Jan-17 23:27:31

I'm in the middle of divorcing my H. He's a massive Narc Twat. I've been thinking about the exes before him. They were very similar. I just didn't marry and procreate with them.

I'm an undiagnosed Aspie of the truth-telling variety. I am an open book.

I'm also a funny, chatty, crowd pleasing ego-massager... I can't seem to help it.

Really really worried about what the future holds relationship-wise. Steadily becoming a cynical old bag. Scared basically.

Best place to learn some anti-twat skills please? Books & online resources?

PurpleWithRed Mon 23-Jan-17 23:31:38

Bumping for you - you sound great fun and everyone deserves to be happy, hope someone has some good suggestions

CreamTeaTotty Mon 23-Jan-17 23:32:14

Ta x

OhBlissOhJoy Mon 23-Jan-17 23:36:14

I'm in the same place as you Cream, divorcing a narc, god it's hard work. And when I look back at my relationship history I've realised that I've only ever been loved once, the rest were all displaying narc tendencies. I'm not sure I want another relationship, I just don't trust my own judgement sad

CreamTeaTotty Mon 23-Jan-17 23:39:16

Exact! OhBliss
I'm kind of terrified.
I look at lovely couples I know and I'm clueless at how they found each other. And it very much seems like the leftover blokes are left over for very good reason - they are twats.

CreamTeaTotty Mon 23-Jan-17 23:40:33

...and I really don't want another twat.

I'd rather he alone did the rest of my days than go through another Narc relationship. 23 fucking years!

CreamTeaTotty Mon 23-Jan-17 23:40:41

be

CreamTeaTotty Mon 23-Jan-17 23:41:02

For

It's late - cannot type

Gingernaut Mon 23-Jan-17 23:49:35

Nothing like your experience, but I had to have therapy after losing out to a narcissistic line manager. It took another two or three years before the organisation got rid of her.

I am compulsively honest too and a conplete godsend to sadists.

You need to stay away from men for a while and search yourself for the answers to

"Why am I attracted to this type?"

and

"What is it about me that attracts these evil twats?"

Until you learn, you're just doomed to repeat the patterns of the past.

sanityisamyth Mon 23-Jan-17 23:52:07

Same boat here ...

ScruffyTheJanitor Mon 23-Jan-17 23:53:32

I'd say, firstly, don't put upnwith twattish behaviour at the beginning of the relationship.... Or the middle.... Or the end of it either for that matter.

The second you see arseholeishness creep in, you walk out.
Don't tolerate any behaviour that makes you unhappy, or cause drama.
Find someone that brings you happiness, as soon as they stop causing happiness, find someone else.

NarcsBegone Tue 24-Jan-17 00:00:06

Just divorced something but there's an odd mix of narcissist, some very weird other something I can't figure out, a diagnosed personality disorder and his new partner is definitely narcissistic... and both just very nasty people. I've been separated 7 years. I've had one short relationship with a very damaged man since but before exh I was with someone who was physically and mentally abusive, controlled my whole life work, money housing. I just pick terrible men. The others, every single one cheated, including the three above.
I've decided to stay single now, I have a fwb and care very deeply for him but as I would any friend. But a relationship where I'm expected to trust them is a very very long way away for me and I'm happy with that :-).
Exh is still being abusive but in a very hidden way, all just about ok to the outside world but actually when you look at the whole picture, look past his 'appearing nice and accommodating, his martyr act and claims he only did the few things that are noticed because he is confused, stressed or because I made him hmm' you will see that he is trying to control, hurt, manipulate me and our ds.
Sorry I went on a rant and off thread.

I am jaded by my past (my mother is terrible too) but I'm fed up with getting hurt/damaged and until I am able to understand properly why I go for these sorts of me I'm staying away smile. I am really happy on my own, it's hard at times when you could do with having someone to share things with, listen to issues, have your back or say 'we will figure it out together' but that's all I miss sometimes and none of my exes have given me that smile

Just take it slow! You're going through a difficult time right now.

tallwivglasses Tue 24-Jan-17 00:08:51

Have a break OP. You may decide eventually that relationships aren't worth the bother - and if they are one day you'll know what you will and won't put up with.

ScuttlbuttHarpy Tue 24-Jan-17 00:15:15

Don't date for a while, you sound like the sort of person who cant do friends with benefits (to high a risk of getting to close) be on your own for a while, have fun with you female friends, enjoy the single life.

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