Im currently seeing a psychotherapist following my discovery this year that my husband had a "big thing" about a youngish girl who used to work for us and who went away on extended work trips with him abroad. Ive gone into this before but basically involved finding a load of very longing song lyrics that he then recorded and kept for himself (he is very musical) These were very upsetting to me even though its 10 years ago and he says it was "all in his head" as far as he is concerned nothing happened and thats all I should care about. He has since destroyed them. . Anyway we went out the other night to a nice upmarket bar and I dont know how it started but he said the counselling seemed to be making me worse, not "better" , I then refuted this and said it was just making me think about stuff etc and how hurtful it all was, (lots of it was about being free and someone else awakening senses, that kind of stuff) he then came out with the "you know it was a terrible time with my mum dying and I was having to go up and down to visit and you didnt give a stuff- you hated her anyway" This is totally not true, whilst I didnt 100% love her I was perfectly supportive at the time and looking after our son who was 7 and who was very upset too. I wouldnt wish terminal cancer on my worst enemy. He then said he felt "unwanted" by both me and our son at that time. This is complete codswallop. This is an intelligent middle class guy and we ended up having a horrible row in a smart place with me in tears, him saying, Im not going out "whilst you are in this place in your head" and me feeling I dont want to either. Has anyone else been here,? that they really are not that keen on going out with DH when their head just isnt in the right place to be jolly and pretend all is ok with the world/relationship. .
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