Hello everyone, this may be long but I don't want to drip feed.
Me and my dp have a 1 year old ds. He was a complete surprise baby (contraception failed) and both of our first reaction was abortion. I could not go through with it however and while dp was not initially happy, he came around and now loves ds more than anything. However he does not want any more children.
I have always wanted 2 children and due to the fact that I would like to do a pgce I would like them to not have a huge age gap so they can both be in school/nursery when I eventually go back to uni. Me and dp have had a talk about the future and he does not want more children and feels it is selfish of me to want more as we have one that he didn't want and I should be grateful with that. We also live in a part of the country he hates to be closer to my parents who provide childcare and constantly tells me I'm selfish to not want to leave to be closer to his family. His job is also here so practicalities of leaving would be tricky.
We've both argued and its come down to me being told I'm being selfish because we live where I want to so I've got my own way on that. We had a baby that I wanted to keep so I've got my own way on that. What we keep coming back to though is that he sees it as selfish to suggest that maybe we won't work long term because he can't bear the thought of not seeing our ds everyday. So 'I win' according to him. I basically have told him that I don't think either of us should compromise as I will resent him for not having another child and he will resent me if I make him have another child. But it's also selfish of me to want to leave as having another child is important too me.
I don't know what to suggest anymore as we always end up back to the fact I've got my own way on location and keeping ds so I shouldn't demand to get my way on this but suggesting separation where we share parenting responsibility is met with I'm getting my own way because I get to 'keep ds'.
I guess I'm just asking for advise on where to go from here and whether I am being selfish in my want for another child?
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Relationships
I want another child, dp does not
Dinosaur1991 · 22/01/2017 20:21
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