Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Hold my hand

46 replies

user128057 · 22/01/2017 19:59

So I'm in a long distance relationship. We are 4hrs apart. I'm in a wheelchair and had been planning to go up and visit in a couple days.

The problem is my parents have made it clear that they don't want me going up. I have nobody who could go up with me.

I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do. I want to go up and see him, but I do to a certain extent understand my parents concerns.

Does anyone have any advice thank you

OP posts:

Report

issynoho · 22/01/2017 20:01

Why don't your parents want you to go up?

Fruitcocktail6 · 22/01/2017 20:03

What have your parents got to do with it? Have you met this man in person before?

user128057 · 22/01/2017 20:03

They are worried because I've never travelled alone before and also I need quite a bit of help which my mum does

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 22/01/2017 20:03

If your relationship is established as in you have met him and spent time with him so hes not a stranger then why have they said no?
Are you able to manage without support?

user128057 · 22/01/2017 20:04

Yes I have met him in person but only once.

OP posts:

user128057 · 22/01/2017 20:05

Also I do need a fair bit of support

OP posts:

LetThereBePeace · 22/01/2017 20:07

Can you start by trying little trips on your own when you know you have someone on standby to help out if something comes up? Gradually taking longer trips once you've worked out the kinks?

user128057 · 22/01/2017 20:09

That's a good idea. I'd never thought of that. I just don't understand why my life should be restricted because of a wheelchair

OP posts:

SleepingCitySidewalk · 22/01/2017 20:09

How old are you? Amazed this isn't the first question, tbh!

RacoonBandit · 22/01/2017 20:10

I think they have genuine concerns and given that you have only met him once plus the support needs you have I can see why.
Can he not visit you?

RacoonBandit · 22/01/2017 20:12

I assumed OP was an adult plus i knew somebody would ask so didnt want the first 20 post to be "how old are you"

user128057 · 22/01/2017 20:13

I'm early 20's so not a child or anything. He came down here the last time so I did think it was only fair I went up there.

OP posts:

AnnieAnoniMouse · 22/01/2017 20:17

If I was your parent my concern would be that you have only met him once and going to his house for the weekend is quite risky, for anyone, but being in a wheelchair makes you a lot more vulnerable. I'd expect him to acknowledge that by visiting you at your home more than once before you took that risk. If course it's no guarantee he's a good bloke, but it's a start.

RacoonBandit · 22/01/2017 20:20

Can you get there by yourself and stay in a hotel? Hust seems a little safer incase you fall out or anything.

user128057 · 22/01/2017 20:20

I would have stayed in a hotel. His house isn't accessible and he didn't come to my house. Maybe he should of came and met my family then the situation might have been different.

Now everyone is upset and me and my parents have had a massive argument

OP posts:

LetThereBePeace · 22/01/2017 20:21

Can you meet half way between you? Hopefully he knows it isn't easy for you to travel so far.

user128057 · 22/01/2017 20:23

He's said he will save up and come down just means a longer wait before we see each other again. We haven't seen each other since October

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 22/01/2017 20:24

If you are staying in a hotel i think its better.

Being in a wheelchair should not mean it stops you from living but it does mean you are more vulnerable.
You dont have to answer and I really dont mean to be rude but do you have an LD?
I only ask as i am trying to understand your parents stance.

user128057 · 22/01/2017 20:26

No I don't have any learning difficulties. Its only physical disabilities. I do need a lot of help and support so I do understand my parents concerns in a way I'm just angry

OP posts:

Hidingtonothing · 22/01/2017 20:28

So would you be relying on him for the support your mum would normally provide or can you manage on your own if you have to? I can see both sides of this, as your mum I would be concerned but I can understand you wanting some independence too.

user128057 · 22/01/2017 20:30

Sadly I would need his help. We had spoken about it though and he is fully aware of what help I'd need.

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 22/01/2017 20:38

Its so difficult OP.

Could you not use the money for your travel to bring him down to you and let him spend time with your family? Maybe once they get to know him they will worry less when you go visit him?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Hidingtonothing · 22/01/2017 20:41

Hmm, it's a tricky one OP, from your perspective I can totally understand your anger and frustration but if you were my DD I think I'd probably feel much the same as your mum does. Sorry that's not helpful is it but I don't really think anyone is right or wrong here. Just an idea but assuming it would have cost you to go to him could you help him out with expenses so he can come to you sooner?

LetThereBePeace · 22/01/2017 20:44

If you haven't already, you may need to accept that this is not going to be resolved in the next couple of days.

It sounds like you're ready for more independence so maybe once everyone has cooled off a bit - in a day or two - sit down with your parents to come up with a plan on how to achieve that.

I don't know what support you need but if it's anything personal (going to the loo, showering etc) I wouldn't be prepared to accept that help from someone I've met once, and if I were your friend I'd be really concerned about that.

user128057 · 22/01/2017 20:49

I do understand their concerns. I have a brilliant relationship with my parents normally. I respect their opinions but this is just hard for me and hard for them.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.