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Hold my hand

(47 Posts)
user128057 Sun 22-Jan-17 19:59:43

So I'm in a long distance relationship. We are 4hrs apart. I'm in a wheelchair and had been planning to go up and visit in a couple days.

The problem is my parents have made it clear that they don't want me going up. I have nobody who could go up with me.

I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do. I want to go up and see him, but I do to a certain extent understand my parents concerns.

Does anyone have any advice thank you

issynoho Sun 22-Jan-17 20:01:43

Why don't your parents want you to go up?

Fruitcocktail6 Sun 22-Jan-17 20:03:28

What have your parents got to do with it? Have you met this man in person before?

user128057 Sun 22-Jan-17 20:03:40

They are worried because I've never travelled alone before and also I need quite a bit of help which my mum does

RacoonBandit Sun 22-Jan-17 20:03:44

If your relationship is established as in you have met him and spent time with him so hes not a stranger then why have they said no?
Are you able to manage without support?

user128057 Sun 22-Jan-17 20:04:29

Yes I have met him in person but only once.

user128057 Sun 22-Jan-17 20:05:09

Also I do need a fair bit of support

LetThereBePeace Sun 22-Jan-17 20:07:31

Can you start by trying little trips on your own when you know you have someone on standby to help out if something comes up? Gradually taking longer trips once you've worked out the kinks?

user128057 Sun 22-Jan-17 20:09:31

That's a good idea. I'd never thought of that. I just don't understand why my life should be restricted because of a wheelchair

SleepingCitySidewalk Sun 22-Jan-17 20:09:46

How old are you? Amazed this isn't the first question, tbh!

RacoonBandit Sun 22-Jan-17 20:10:36

I think they have genuine concerns and given that you have only met him once plus the support needs you have I can see why.
Can he not visit you?

RacoonBandit Sun 22-Jan-17 20:12:18

I assumed OP was an adult plus i knew somebody would ask so didnt want the first 20 post to be "how old are you"

user128057 Sun 22-Jan-17 20:13:20

I'm early 20's so not a child or anything. He came down here the last time so I did think it was only fair I went up there.

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 22-Jan-17 20:17:22

If I was your parent my concern would be that you have only met him once and going to his house for the weekend is quite risky, for anyone, but being in a wheelchair makes you a lot more vulnerable. I'd expect him to acknowledge that by visiting you at your home more than once before you took that risk. If course it's no guarantee he's a good bloke, but it's a start.

RacoonBandit Sun 22-Jan-17 20:20:01

Can you get there by yourself and stay in a hotel? Hust seems a little safer incase you fall out or anything.

user128057 Sun 22-Jan-17 20:20:58

I would have stayed in a hotel. His house isn't accessible and he didn't come to my house. Maybe he should of came and met my family then the situation might have been different.

Now everyone is upset and me and my parents have had a massive argument

LetThereBePeace Sun 22-Jan-17 20:21:09

Can you meet half way between you? Hopefully he knows it isn't easy for you to travel so far.

user128057 Sun 22-Jan-17 20:23:31

He's said he will save up and come down just means a longer wait before we see each other again. We haven't seen each other since October

RacoonBandit Sun 22-Jan-17 20:24:39

If you are staying in a hotel i think its better.

Being in a wheelchair should not mean it stops you from living but it does mean you are more vulnerable.
You dont have to answer and I really dont mean to be rude but do you have an LD?
I only ask as i am trying to understand your parents stance.

user128057 Sun 22-Jan-17 20:26:45

No I don't have any learning difficulties. Its only physical disabilities. I do need a lot of help and support so I do understand my parents concerns in a way I'm just angry

Hidingtonothing Sun 22-Jan-17 20:28:21

So would you be relying on him for the support your mum would normally provide or can you manage on your own if you have to? I can see both sides of this, as your mum I would be concerned but I can understand you wanting some independence too.

user128057 Sun 22-Jan-17 20:30:30

Sadly I would need his help. We had spoken about it though and he is fully aware of what help I'd need.

RacoonBandit Sun 22-Jan-17 20:38:38

Its so difficult OP.

Could you not use the money for your travel to bring him down to you and let him spend time with your family? Maybe once they get to know him they will worry less when you go visit him?

Hidingtonothing Sun 22-Jan-17 20:41:25

Hmm, it's a tricky one OP, from your perspective I can totally understand your anger and frustration but if you were my DD I think I'd probably feel much the same as your mum does. Sorry that's not helpful is it but I don't really think anyone is right or wrong here. Just an idea but assuming it would have cost you to go to him could you help him out with expenses so he can come to you sooner?

LetThereBePeace Sun 22-Jan-17 20:44:29

If you haven't already, you may need to accept that this is not going to be resolved in the next couple of days.

It sounds like you're ready for more independence so maybe once everyone has cooled off a bit - in a day or two - sit down with your parents to come up with a plan on how to achieve that.

I don't know what support you need but if it's anything personal (going to the loo, showering etc) I wouldn't be prepared to accept that help from someone I've met once, and if I were your friend I'd be really concerned about that.

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