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What should I do :(

(70 Posts)
Mini1977 Sun 22-Jan-17 16:18:09

New to this but I will try and explain in as short of a way I can.
I had been with my babies father for 2 years and our little one came along big shock but we got by, 1 year and a half after our baby was born I started back at work I was working long shifts and when I got home my other half was always going out so we where hardly seeing each other. I decided to leave. He continued to try and get me back but I was happy plodding along on my own. 6 months after we split he met a girl, who practically moved in with him before they were even together as she had just split from her bf and he had chucked her out! They where together for a few months and my other half told her to get her own house because he needed space she did this. In Feb last year me and my other half rekindled and it was like love at first sight again, this girl made me feel like I owed her something even though my other half had always said he only wanted his family back... I invited the girl up one night to explain that I was sorry for just appearing and taking back my family which she seemed understanding about. BUT I was wrong behind my back she was constantly messaging him sneaking up to the house when I was at work etc... it got to the point anytime we argued my other half took her to his own home for a fling! It broke my in 2 but I wasn't loosing my family again so I put it at the back of my head the girl then made up a fake facebook telling me he was cheating on me etc and tried to make out that I made the Facebook up myself and I was sending myself messages (I don't think anyone would be as sad to do so) we finally caught her out with doing that and she wasn't happy in the slightest so she called social work and made up this whole lie about how we miss treat our daughter etc... that was put to bed by the social work as they can see that we aren't perfect parents but we do the job that we need to in regards to bringing our little one up so then I found out a few months ago she had been messaging him while he was out drinking with friends he told her to leave him alone but I was so mad so I messaged the girl telling her to leave my family alone to which she replied she has her own man and doesn't want mine (another lie) I let it go but I'm now sitting here wondering what to do as my other half has went away for the weekend with a family member he called me last night and we where chatting away everything was fine I then heard a buzzing I asked what it was and he said it was my fne (it wasnt) he then said it was his and hung up straight away and then txt me saying it wasn't his fne it was the family members so in my head I kept thinking that's not adding up as he would've new straight away if it was the family members so I let it go and went to sleep with our little one. I got up today feeling sick and knew I had to ask questions! A friend of ours had the girl up lastnight and she left abruptly without saying why around the time my other half fne was buzzing so I messaged him asking of it was her! He replied yes it was she was trying to call him he said to leave him alone because it would just call arguments and she questioned how would I find out his reply was no one calls me at this time (us girls know everything) but after he said this he then started telling me he's sick of me and he thinks his time is done with me?? Was I wrong to question this? Is this way of saying he wants her after telling me for months she's "nobody" to him and he's happy with his family. I honestly don't know what to do and tbh my friends aren't much help . Does any one have any help as I feel so lost and isolated, he's due home tonight and I don't know if it's going to be an argument! I'm in the process of booking a holiday for his birthday as well so now I'm wondering was that a waste of money sad any advice would be great. Thanks for reading.

AnyFucker Sun 22-Jan-17 16:21:13

I would have dumped him a long time ago

Have you no pride ?

Mini1977 Sun 22-Jan-17 16:24:46

Everyone has said this but I came from a family that couldn't care less, I lived with my father who was an alcoholic and made me anorexic my other half saved me so I've always been close to him. I should've walked away at the start but I couldn't 😢

PointlessUsername Sun 22-Jan-17 16:26:53

Dump him, thats what i would do.

Faez Sun 22-Jan-17 16:30:06

Please tell him to go. Sounds like he was threatening to end it to shut you up. He's taking the piss.

Mini1977 Sun 22-Jan-17 16:30:54

The thing is he said that he had told her to leave him alone so I don't know if I've went off my head about it for nothing and it's her that's the problem? And he's just been annoyed because he knew it was going to happen.
As bad as the top part sounds both me and our little one would be lost without him as he is the rock to the family but I can't bare knowing that anytime we aren't together or she knows he's not home she's going to message him! She's admitted she would happily be a home wrecker etc so I fear she's not going to stop.

lovelearning Sun 22-Jan-17 16:34:17

he then started telling me he's sick of me and he thinks his time is done with me

Mini1977, let him go. They deserve each other.

Mini1977 Sun 22-Jan-17 16:36:45

I'm so so close to giving up he's due home later tonight so I have a few hours to make my mind up but if they get back together I then also have the fear that the person that tried to ruin my little ones life with lies will be around her as I can't stop her from seeing her dad. And I know she would poising my daughters head.

AnyFucker Sun 22-Jan-17 16:37:51

The problem is not her, it is him

He could get her out of your lives but he chooses not to

Mini1977 Sun 22-Jan-17 16:40:44

She's been out of our life's he's not contacted her since the whole social work scenario and we've been great as I said I'm in the process of booking us a holiday away etc but now it's Asif any time she finds out he's not with me and isn't going to be for a few hours she's txting him. I've seen messages on his fne from the first time when he was out with friends and he did tell her to leave him alone so I believe that this is the case but she just keeps trying.

AnyFucker Sun 22-Jan-17 16:43:54

She is still in your life

AnyFucker Sun 22-Jan-17 16:44:41

Why hadn't he blocked her ? It's pretty basic stuff.

RoseOfSharyn Sun 22-Jan-17 16:46:09

He could block her. Change his number. Ignore her. Stop engaging.

But he doesn't.

And then he speaks to you like shit! Get rid OP.

Mini1977 Sun 22-Jan-17 17:19:50

He deleted her number months ago blocked her on fb etc and hasn't contacted her it's her that's doing the contacting and when he answers he's telling her to leave him alone! He could've blocked her number but she would find a way of contacting him she always does. She doesn't have kids of her own and somehow managed to be in the park next to my house and took pictures of my house baring in mind from where she lives to mine there is around 15 other parks she could've went to. The park beside my home only has 1 slide in it it's nothing great. I feel Asif I'm backing him up and I always feel like I am but he has small anger issues so confrontation gets to him and that's the way he reacts but the majority of the time he doesn't mean it it's just his way of words but I've not been able to speak with him since then as he's driving so I don't know if he has calmed down or if he genuinely feels that way.

Secretlife0fbees Sun 22-Jan-17 17:21:04

Sorry OP but he is taking the piss.
He is also loving the whole situation. Get rid, you don't need him! Let her have him!

Mini1977 Sun 22-Jan-17 17:28:04

New to this lol what does OP mean?
I love him to bits and I'm scared to let go as I feel he's the only person to ever love me as my own parents didn't. When we split up previously it was hard but I got there and I was finally happy with my life then we got back together. I basically do everything myself so not Asif I need him to help with anything or that but I don't have anyone apart from some friends who are basically only work colleagues. I think it's the fear of being alone again that's making me want to hold on.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 22-Jan-17 17:35:38

How have you not kicked him out already? If he didn't want her to contact him he could have sorted it easily, even reported her to the police for harassment. But no, he's enjoying the attention and having both of you on a string

And he has anger issues too?

Run far and run fast

AnyFucker Sun 22-Jan-17 17:36:35

Let's look at this guy's bad points:

he talks to you like you are shit
you have to walk on eggshells around him
he has anger issues
he is moody
he keeps engaging with other women when he could have shut it down a long time ago
he doesn't make you feel safe and good about yourself

Good points:
he showed you attention when your family did not (I am sorry about that)

Love, there are lots of nice blokes out there who would treat you a fuckload better than this. While you hang onto this loser you won't be giving them a chance.

Mini1977 Sun 22-Jan-17 17:41:43

I'm sort of hoping he comes home and gets his stuff and leaves it'll make it easier. But then I think of them 2 together & think why do they get to be happy while I've suffered a year of this, fought my hardest to keep my family together and make sure they have what they need when they need it and I'm the one that gets crushed & again made to feel like I'm worthless 😭 life is pretty shitty eh?

Mini1977 Sun 22-Jan-17 17:43:28

And then I've also got to explaine to my little one why daddy sint coming home and why he won't see her as much 😢 this one is a real daddy's girl, always stuck to him like glue.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 22-Jan-17 17:46:23

So why don't you tell him he's leaving, be the one with the power that makes the decisions. Don't wait for dipshit to make his mind up

pocketsaviour Sun 22-Jan-17 17:46:58

OP = Original Poster.

How old are you? It sounds like you're quite young. I'm sorry you had a shitty childhood, your parents should have been showing you an example of how to respect yourself. You didn't get this lesson and it's made you vulnerable to the first dickhead who's come along and showed you a bit of attention.

You are worth so much more than this. Your poor DC, must not know if they're coming or going. Wouldn't it be better for all of you to know where you stood? You and baby as a unit, with contact with the dad (if he even bothers - he doesn't exactly sound like an active parent.)

No you can't stop your ex from seeing this other woman if he chooses to have contact with your baby, but everyone is in that position. Honestly love, it sounds like he's going to end it anyway at some point. Have some dignity and end it on your terms. Don't let him keep pulling your strings like this.

WifeyFish Sun 22-Jan-17 17:49:43

OP please read your posts back and think what you'd say to someone else in your shoes.

The OW is not the problem, your DP is. It takes two to tango, she can't break up your relationship alone. To be frank it sounds like your DP is loving the attention of the pair of you and is quite happy to pick you up and put you down when he chooses.

If he really didn't want contact with the OW he could have blocked her or at the very least ignored her texts and calls. The very fact he doesn't and dangles the contact with her in front of you suggests he's using it to keep you in check.

I'd ditch him in a heartbeat. You are worth so much more than this ass.

AnyFucker Sun 22-Jan-17 17:50:48

Tell him to fuck off then. Your self respect will thank you for it.

I don't think you quite get it

Your partner's behaviour has ended up with two women competing for him

I bet he's like a dog with two dicks. The best outcome her would be if both of you told him to shove his golden cock elsewhere

Mini1977 Sun 22-Jan-17 17:52:44

I made that decision 2 years ago and he's never forgiven me for it so I'd like him to do it this time and then nothing can be flung back in my face. I've been nothing but loyal to him I don't even go out for nights out etc 1. Because I don't have any friends to go with & 2. Because I wouldn't like him to think I was out "getting him back". So I would rather know that he made the decision and that no matter what was threw at me I still stood by my family and tried to make it work. He wants to walk away for whatever his reason is then fine there's nothing I can do and I would probably be better that way.

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