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Leaving dh but still living together. Need help

(17 Posts)
Unicorndreamer Sat 21-Jan-17 23:21:48

Things are awful at home. It's going to be a further 3-4 weeks before I have cash to move into new property (sold one of our rental properties which I will get 10 grand from) . I am still living with exdh as cant move in to new home till funds from house sale are in my account . I can't cope anymore and hate living in same house. Iv suffered terrible ea and some physical (not recent). Would womens aid help me till funds get transfered or should I just sit tight ??? Its awful here. I have 4 dcs (kids adore him and are happy at home it's me that's on egg shells )

Unicorndreamer Sat 21-Jan-17 23:35:41


minisausage Sat 21-Jan-17 23:40:19

Can't help sorry but bumping

throughgrittedteeth Sat 21-Jan-17 23:46:45

Oh love, I have lived in exactly this situation. It's tough going and I spent A LOT of time with my DS at my mums. As much as possible I only came back to the house to sleep. It is a shitty situation but well done. Ring women's aid and see what they say. It can feel very lonely in this situation, if you have friends or family who can be with you as much as possible it will help you feel less alone. flowersflowers

Unicorndreamer Sun 22-Jan-17 00:33:20

I can't go on much longer

Unicorndreamer Sun 22-Jan-17 00:35:02

Would womens aid accomodate me til my new house was all sorted with solicitors, ??

NotStoppedAllDay Sun 22-Jan-17 00:36:10

Ring and ask

They are short on resources

Unicorndreamer Sun 22-Jan-17 00:41:34


Seeingadistance Sun 22-Jan-17 00:49:29

I was in the same situation when my ex and I agreed to separate. We continued to live in the same house for about 4 months until I was able to move out. I was a full-time student at the time and ex was working full-time, so evenings and weekends were spent on eggshells, as you say. One DC, who was 5 at the time. I spent whole days at the weekend out and about with DS - at the park, local child-friendly museums, at my parents' house, with friends and neighbours.

It would be worth trying Women's Aid, but in the meantime, you can only take one day at a time, and each day brings you closer to freedom.

It's awful now, but you will get through this.

TheSilveryPussycat Sun 22-Jan-17 01:15:42

I would say, grit your teeth and focus on what needs doing. Take it day by day, week by week. I had a count-down on here as my divorce approached, and possibly another one as his moving out date approached.

(I spent a year under the same roof from initiating divorce to Ex moving out. But DC were grown, we had a big house, and I had the master bedroom and en-suite. You have my tremendous sympathy, it was not an easy time...)

Anniegetyourgun Sun 22-Jan-17 08:08:51

It's shit, but it's short. Three weeks is nothing. If you hadn't made the moves you did when you did you'd still be looking at years with the bugger. You are strong and you can and will get through this last little bit of unspeakable hideousness. Spend as little time in his company as you possibly can, and remind yourself that everything he says is just so much hot air.

One of the things that helped me was making a little collection of things for my new home. I had a cutlery set as a catalogue freebie, for example. The handles broke off soon after I moved and started actually using them, but the point was they were a symbol of the household I was going to have. XH is not a violent person but he has no idea of boundaries, so he is simply not invited across my threshold. My place is mine. And your place is going to be yours, so soon, so soon.

chocolateoclock Sun 22-Jan-17 10:21:35

Has he got anywhere else he can go? Has the EA got worse since you separated?

Unicorndreamer Mon 23-Jan-17 12:51:53

He is up and down. Some days he is ok with me then he flips his lid (like last night ) and is absolutely vile . Last night he threatened to have me killed and said if I tried any funny stunts (not sure what he means ) I would forever have to watch my back. His mother has been slagging me off to my dcs and I told him if this continues I will seek legal advice regarding her contact with kids . This sent him into a rage and then he started with his disgusting comments . He thinks he has done nothing at all wrong . I feel physically sick and just want to get away. Iv nowhere else to go . Wish this money would hurry up so I can leave x

amammabear Mon 23-Jan-17 13:38:54

If he's making threats like that, definitely contact women's aid and see if they can help- and if you genuinely fell in immediate danger at any point, don't hesitate to put yourself and child in a safe room and call the police.

pocketsaviour Mon 23-Jan-17 14:07:52

Last night he threatened to have me killed

Please don't take this lightly, OP. Leaving is the most dangerous time in a relationship with an abuser. Please call WA and ask their advice. I think you should consider reporting to police as well. Also see your GP and report there. You need a paper trail here because when he starts abusing the DC during contact, you'll need evidence to convince court he should only have supervised access.

Consider recording on your phone (without him knowing) any more "discussions".

everycloudandallthatjazz Mon 23-Jan-17 19:49:58

Call 101 and speak to local police. His behaviour is worrying. Tell them what he has said and that you are genuinely scared. flowers

Please keep us posted as I'm worried for you xx

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 23-Jan-17 20:19:09

Yes, in the light of your further post, I think you need to inform outside authorities about his behaviour. Your safety, and that of the DC, is paramount.

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