Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Husband doesn't love me anymore

(60 Posts)
Jasmine13 Sat 21-Jan-17 21:06:57

So 2 weeks ago my husband of 6 years told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted to move out. We have a 4 year old to whom he is an amazing dad and who she absolutely adores. He said he has felt like this for a while but tried to carry on but now just doesn't feel like he can do it anymore. I fully accept that things haven't been 'right' for a while but had no idea things had gotten this bad. I love him with all of my heart and have asked him to give it another go and that I will change but he says he has made up his mind. We have only very recently bought our house so he is still living in the house.

I just wanted to know if anyone has been in this situation and what you did. I am praying he will have a change of heart. We have had some financial difficulties recently and also the stress of moving may have just all caught up with him. He says he hasn't met anybody else and I believe him. I have tried talking to him and he says he doesn't fancy me anymore.

I really don't know what to do.

MTWTFSS Sat 21-Jan-17 21:29:23

Could there be someone else?

BigStripeyBastard Sat 21-Jan-17 21:31:55

What do you mean 'you will change'? How will you change? Into what?

gamerchick Sat 21-Jan-17 21:33:39

There will be someone else, it's rare that there isn't. I'm sorry man.

A bit of a cock with timing though angry

LucyLocketLostIt Sat 21-Jan-17 21:36:50

Almost certainly someone else. I'm so sorry. You will get through this though. You should think about getting legal advice asap. Find someone to talk to in real life first though who can offer you some emotional support.

AnyFucker Sat 21-Jan-17 21:37:27

What are you planning to change ?

Don't do the Pick Me Dance you will despise yourself when it comes to light that you have been offering more blow jobs to a guy who has been dipping that wick elsewhere

Jasmine13 Sat 21-Jan-17 21:38:57

I've asked him if there is someone else and he says no. He said it would be easier if there was. I do believe him that there isn't.

I am not blameless in this. I don't work due to not having any family nearby and not being able to afford childcare and this put a massive strain on us financially. I should have tried to do something at home to bring in some extra money. We have been sleeping in separate rooms partly because he snores and also because I have my daughter in with me. In hindsight this was the worst thing we ever did. It was a mutual decision but I should've moved my daughter in her own room a long time ago.

ImperialBlether Sat 21-Jan-17 21:39:02

I've very rarely heard of a man leave the family home to go and live on his own, OP. You might need to look a bit closer at this.

LucyLocketLostIt Sat 21-Jan-17 21:40:28

The thing is, they all lie about it.

gamerchick Sat 21-Jan-17 21:45:14

He won't admit nothing to you yet in case you kick off. 'It would make it easier if there was'? There's someone else.

You need legal advice so you can put a bit of floor underneath you. You must feel like the rug has been pulled.

It's fuck all to do with you not bringing in money or separate bedrooms.. I have my own bedroom and its sweet. Stop blaming yourself!

Talk on here, get your head in order, try to sleep and tomorrow surround yourself with people who love you. Fight the keeping it a secret feeling. You need support irl.

AnyFucker Sat 21-Jan-17 21:48:41

He is hardly likely to hold his hands up to fucking around is he ?

Jasmine13 Sat 21-Jan-17 21:51:41

I think I need to do some digging around.

Thank you for your replies. I'm completely lost and haven't spoken to anyone about this yet.

AnyFucker Sat 21-Jan-17 21:54:17

Why haven't you confided in anyone ? You clearly need some support right now.

Twunk Sat 21-Jan-17 21:56:04

There is nearly always another woman.

Get angry. Get help. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you.

Jasmine13 Sat 21-Jan-17 21:56:17

I don't know. Embarrassment or I guess saying it out loud makes it 'real'.

Christmasmice Sat 21-Jan-17 22:00:26

You really need to prepare yourself. It is almost impossible he will have left without there being someone else
She might not surface for a few months but just try to get your head around the fact that she probably exists.
I'm so sorry. What a shit. Lots of women don't work and the couple face a financial strain. You didn't need to try harder.

LucyLocketLostIt Sat 21-Jan-17 22:01:33

You need to get him out of the house so you can think straight. He said he wants to leave so let him go. The sooner he leaves, the better.

LucyLocketLostIt Sat 21-Jan-17 22:05:22

You have nothing to be embarrassed about by the way. Please don't feel like that. It's all on him.

Paleninteresting Sat 21-Jan-17 22:10:02

Having my daughter co-sleeping with me was the start of the end of my marriage.

I would not change a thing. I would change somethings but I would never turn the clock back on that precious time with my baby (in my bed until age 5).

I do not want to derail this thread but wanted to show support for your decision for your child.

He is an adult and what has led to this will come out down the line.

MrsMcMoo Sat 21-Jan-17 22:11:05

flowers this is not your fault and you don't need to change. On a practical level, can you get back to work, so you don't feel so disempowered?

SomeonesRealName Sat 21-Jan-17 22:11:41

I agree he's almost certainly got someone else, OP. They do all lie about it and they even use the same stupid lines. A lot of them, despite previously having been loving decent husbands, then financially shaft their devastated wives and children and while I really hope yours isn't one of those types, I would really recommend you take some legal advice asap to find our where you stand and how best to protect yourself just in case -because it sounds like he's been detaching for a while and he's probably in a better head space.

HyacinthsBucket Sat 21-Jan-17 22:12:25

People live for years even decades feeling not totally happy - only meeting someone else gives them the motivation to do something about it, I hate to say. He's met someone, is trying his utmost to not come out of this looking like the bad guy, and you need to accept that now he's said this out loud, it's over for him. Concentrate on coping with your daughter and you - put what he wants and needs out of your head - and talk to your family/friends. You're going to need a lot of support, don't keep his secret for him whatever you do - I'm so sorry you're in this situation flowers

londonrach Sat 21-Jan-17 22:13:04

Op look after yourself but do agree with others someone must be behind his recent decision. Sorry x

PickledCauliflower Sat 21-Jan-17 22:14:13

Prepare yourself that there may be someone else. As previously said, many don't leave without having someone to go to.
Take care of yourself and your daughter - put yourselves first. Don't be afraid to confide in a close friend or relative, it will help if you can speak to someone dear to you.

seafoodeatit Sat 21-Jan-17 22:14:46

I'm so sorry you're going through this, you really need support and loving people around you, don't be ashamed or embarrassed you've done nothing wrong.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: