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Is this irrational panic? Worried that moving jobs will mean I'm forever single...

(21 Posts)
Dineoutone Sat 21-Jan-17 20:15:32

I feel old and single. I'm 30 and would like to be in a relationship.
Currently work in the middle of a large UK city, and as such I go on coffee dates at lunchtime now and then.

I've found a job I prefer outside the city. It's in a very small town. This is going to cut down my ability to date online during the week (I realise it's not been successful for the last year anyway as I've not met anyone I liked!!).

Is this crazy and irrational? Would I be putting myself in a harder position to meet someone? I could date after work (the city centre is about 30 min from the small town), but I still feel like maybe I'm making a mistake.

And yes I know a job shouldn't be about if you'll meet someone but it's a worry of mine so please be kind.

tinydancer88 Sat 21-Jan-17 20:48:45

If your friend was going to not apply for a job she otherwise really liked, because she was afraid she wouldn't find a boyfriend because of a simple matter of being 30 mins from the city centre, what would you say?

Dineoutone Sat 21-Jan-17 21:30:11

I would probably think it was irrational.

Dineoutone Sat 21-Jan-17 23:35:14

I don't know why this is such a big deal to me. Or where the panic is coming from. Feel like a mess

shouldwestayorshouldwego Sat 21-Jan-17 23:39:56

Or you might meet someone with more similar goals - slightly slower pace of life, looking to settle and have a family. A new job means new acquaintances. Do you want the new job?

CatBallou2 Sat 21-Jan-17 23:42:32

Your happiness is more important than where your job's based. Is this small town new to you & worth exploring? Could be, you'll find a DP there. Take a chance.

jeaux90 Sat 21-Jan-17 23:47:32

So, I moved out of London to a lovely small town in Oxfordshire and honestly I love it. (This was after a move back from the gulf and felt a bit meh about London) Best thing I ever did. Had plenty of dates!! I'm a single mum with a 7 year old dd. Pace of life (at the weekends) is wonderful. Met someone through work last year.

I think your move sounds really exciting!! Worrying over nothing. Xxx

jeaux90 Sat 21-Jan-17 23:48:31

I say the weekends because I don't actually work in the town I live.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow Sat 21-Jan-17 23:54:30

I think that whoever you are meant to meet and be with, you will meet them anyway regardless of where you live. Yes I believe in fate smile

Dineoutone Sat 21-Jan-17 23:57:13

The town is very very small - the ability to go on lunch dates would almost certainly be gone as the place I would work is pretty much the only professional business in the town. It's also a small business. The rest is shops and cafes.

The job itself will allow more client contact so it's possible I would increase my social circle that way. I'm scared of not being in the city I supppse...I live twenty mins from the city and this job is also twenty mins from the city in a different direction.

jeaux90 Sun 22-Jan-17 00:44:21

More client contact would be great! Is it the sort of profession where you also socialise with clients?

Anyway look, it sounds like you want to give it a go. The dating thing will be ok, trust me xx

WildBelle Sun 22-Jan-17 02:10:04

I've spent my entire life living in various very small towns or villages and dating has never been an issue. Would meeting people in the evenings be a problem?

Dineoutone Sun 22-Jan-17 09:12:33

No it would be fine to go into the city in the evenings and then if would take me 25 mins to get home afterwards from the city.

I guess I feel I need to concentrate on dating now, and moving my life outside the city may not be the best thing for that...

pocketsaviour Sun 22-Jan-17 09:16:16

Will the new job be of benefit to your CV and career path? If so, do that. If not, stay where you are and look for opportunities that will.

You could meet a partner anywhere or anytime, but good jobs come along rarely.

Yika Sun 22-Jan-17 09:22:36

Dont base your job decision on an assumption that the only way you will meet someone is through a lunchtime coffee date. Obviously, lifestyle factors play into any decision to move, but to make this the determining criteria is just irrational.

Dineoutone Sun 22-Jan-17 09:42:35

I should have the same time in the evenings as the hours are shorter at this new place. But the lunchtime part won't be possible. I don't know why I've made myself so wound up about it.

I can't imagine where I will meet someone and it definitely won't be through work at this new place as it's tiny! Lol.

Dineoutone Sun 22-Jan-17 09:54:41

Obviously being in the city centre means more people are picked up on the dating apps...this is a big factor.

jeaux90 Sun 22-Jan-17 09:57:45

I think the obsession with being able to date is a bit of a concern! You really do seem a little irrational over it if I'm honest.

I'd be basing my decision on my career and lifestyle requirements. Dating will happen wherever you are.

Dineoutone Sun 22-Jan-17 10:00:05

I know it does sound like an obsession, but I'm not desperate to meet just anyone or I would have settled for one of the many dates by now. I just don't want to close myself off from meeting anyone, and fear this may do that.

jeaux90 Sun 22-Jan-17 10:05:08

I think the contrary is true. You might meet more people as I think living in a city is very anonymous, people actually randomly talk to each other more in a smaller town I have found through my own experience.

But look, make the decision based on the career opportunity and lifestyle choice.

mrswhiplington Sun 22-Jan-17 14:07:47

There are other options to online dating. Do you have any hobbies or interests where you might meet people? A smaller town might be friendlier, they might have more community events going on that you can get involved in. Don't limit yourself to the big city.

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