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Ex spying on me via neighbours....

(33 Posts)
silkflowers Sat 21-Jan-17 18:01:25

I left my abusive ex a few months ago. Still in the house; he is not. He went to see one set of neighbours the other day for ages and then today he fired questions to me: asking me who my babysitter is and why workmen were here etc. He threatened to report me to social services for having a "stranger" babysitting the DC and said I am being watched "all the time"

WWYD? Police have issued him with a harrassment warning but tbh I am really cross with neighbours for giving him all this info. They know it is a messy split and police have attended a few times (which they will have seen).

Any advice gratefully received x

WatchingFromTheWings Sat 21-Jan-17 18:04:17

I'm not sure you can do anything about him speaking to the neighbours. Maybe have a quiet word with them and let them know the circumstances? Is it likely they are intimidated by him so daren't no answer his questions?

I'd definitely speak to the police again in regards to the harassment which is what this is.

jeaux90 Sat 21-Jan-17 18:15:19

I'd speak to the police again. Not respond to your ex at all unless it's to do with child access and I mean only respond via text.

And yes have a word with the neighbours and tell them about the harassment warning. Xxx

SoleBizzz Sat 21-Jan-17 18:15:49

What a cheek of your neighbour! I'm sorry but I do not want to discuss these matters.

WatchingFromTheWings Sat 21-Jan-17 18:19:34

And I'm pretty certain SS won't be interested in your baby sitting arrangements. Unless it's a mass murderer that's doing the baby sitting. As other pp said, ignore his questions...just don't reply.

Ilovecaindingle Sat 21-Jan-17 18:24:14

Suggest to them unless they want to be called as witnesses in court they should keep out of your business...

silkflowers Sat 21-Jan-17 18:32:34

The thing is that the neighbours in question are on good terms with us. He can be a charmer to the outside world so God knows what he's been saying about me to them.

I did tell them about the split and that he has also physically assaulted me in the past when police were called. I didn't go into details obviously but they are aware police have been involved and they are still giving him information about who is coming and going to our house shock From what he has said, they have given him some pretty detailed information too.

I would talk to them but to be honest I am too upset with them at the moment.

I know they are the gossipy type but still...

SoleBizzz Sat 21-Jan-17 18:37:05

You are going to have to try and see your neighbours in the now rather than the past. They're people you share a postcode with. Not people you owe explanations to.

silkflowers Sat 21-Jan-17 18:50:42

The SS have spoken to me a few times after the assault as the police made a referral afterwards due to our children being present at the time. So they have background and I'm sure won't be interested in him moaning about a babysitter but it is added stress I don't need right now 😪

blankmind Sat 21-Jan-17 18:56:48

and said I am being watched "all the time

Please tell the Police this.

WatchingFromTheWings Sat 21-Jan-17 18:58:09

Maybe as your ex is drawing your neighbours in to the harassment (in a roundabout way), could the police speak to them too? As pp said, they're potentially witnesses. Might be worth asking.

silkflowers Sat 21-Jan-17 19:01:56

blankmind i have told the police. Waiting for them to call me back

Watching - this is what I am going to ask the police, although I'm unsure how much info they can disclose to neighbours even if they do have a word with them (data protection). I just think it is very bad of them to disclose my comings and goings to him when obviously I don't want him to know what I do, given the circumstances.

WatchingFromTheWings Sat 21-Jan-17 19:04:25

They wouldn't need to disclose any info I wouldn't think. Maybe just advise them that there is an ongoing issue and to not get involved. Hope it all works out for you.

Astro55 Sat 21-Jan-17 19:05:35

Id be calling every type of workman for quotes!!

It's not data protection as they do not hold written information. - it's gossip and hearsay -

ThirdThoughts Sat 21-Jan-17 19:17:24

Is he fishing for info about potential boyfriends/warning you he'll find out if you get one? What a nasty piece of work. Hope ther police warn the neighbours not to help him harass and intimidate you.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 21-Jan-17 19:17:53

By what method is he firing these questions at you? To be honest, given that he's had a harassment warning issued by the police there should be absolutely no communication between you that's not in writing, and purely in relation to discussion about the children.

If he's texted this crap to you just don't respond. Now that you know he's charmed the neighbours into sharing information about you, you know that they are not to be trusted. He's done you a favour, actually. Stupid man.

Footle Sat 21-Jan-17 19:29:28

Is he warning you that he has actually installed some sort of surveillance in the house ?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Sat 21-Jan-17 19:34:10

Have no helpful suggestions on the rest but definitely don't discuss anything at all with the neighbours in future. I really hope this gets sorted for you, it must be really difficult flowers

notarehearsal Sat 21-Jan-17 19:39:19

I'm pretty sure the harassment warning covers direct and indirect contact. Maybe mention that to the neighbours, it may worry them into not repeating your business next time ( even if not technically correct!)

silkflowers Sat 21-Jan-17 20:15:58

Thirdthoughts I think it is just him trying to exert control post split, although he would love it if I had a bf as he would then use the "i wasn't EA, she just found someone else" card! (I don't have a bf, I have serious trust issues with men now after what he put me through!)

Bitter it was text, which I ignored, then verbal when he picked up DC... he said if I didn't reply to his text he would inform SS.

Footle no he can't have installed surveillance as he hasn't been back here unsupervised post split.

SlightlyPerturbed thank you. I definitely won't be telling these neighbours anything but it is disconcerting that they are filling him in on my every move confused

notarehearsal maybe if police tell them he is using info from them to harrass me and imply they are watching me on his behalf it may shake them up a bit...

Footle Sun 22-Jan-17 07:33:12

You know SS gets these calls all the time ? They may have to check up on your situation but it's most unlikely to have an adverse effect on anything except his credibility.

chocolateoclock Sun 22-Jan-17 08:15:06

I'm sure they get calls like this from bitter exes!! I will speak to them tomorrow to update them anyway as they know the history with him.

chocolateoclock Sun 22-Jan-17 10:22:16

Sorry - name changed!!!

silkflowers Sun 22-Jan-17 10:26:08

Back now grin

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 22-Jan-17 11:47:04

Given his proven harassment of you it might be time to consider hand-overs of the children either in a public place or being carried out by a third party.

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