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am i asking too much?

(12 Posts)
bananamilkshake1 Fri 20-Jan-17 22:36:32

Dp & I together almost 8 yrs, don't live together, see each other mostly weekends & holidays. Tonight I go to his house, cook dinner & he's dozing on the sofa within 30 mins of me finishing the washing up.

There must be more to life than this.

I think he's settling. I probably am too. I love him but he's not the love of my life, ex-h was that. Dp & I both 50's. I feel so sad that I'm never going to have someone madly in love with me again.

I've had some wine tonight which is not helping but can anyone relate or offer advice? Have some to bed now. So flat 😢

TheElephantofSurprise Fri 20-Jan-17 22:40:02

So just take the good bits in future. Don't cook. Let him take you out for meals.

He's an opportunity to have fun. Make it happen.

bananamilkshake1 Fri 20-Jan-17 22:46:52

Thanks elephant. I get the fun bit, but is this really it? No sex? I feel like a maiden aunt.

fallenempires Fri 20-Jan-17 22:56:31

You seem to be still hankering after your ex.If you don't now live with your current DP & are seeing each other sporadically why is that?It all sounds a bit meh to me.

bananamilkshake1 Fri 20-Jan-17 23:16:58

It is a bit meh to be honest. I don't like my ex anymore but I miss what we had. Dp & I haven't progressed in our relationship at all. He's very supportive & has helped through some difficult times, but I do want more. He seems happy enough with the status quo but I'm only 50 to his 58 & I'm wondering whether I should see if I can find something better. Realise I may sound harsh but I am hankering for something more. Do I chuck in what I have for a fantasy?

fallenempires Fri 20-Jan-17 23:27:51

Doesn't sound at all fulfilling.Is he also divorced?Does he actually put any effort into maintaining the relationship?

Italiangreyhound Fri 20-Jan-17 23:31:06

bananamilkshake what do you want to happen?

Do you want to meet someone new? Is that likely to happen if you stay together?

My dh falls asleep on the sofa. It's OK. It's not just that, is it? Is there sex, is it fun?

I think if you want to change your life you need to decide if you can risk losing what you have, in order to gain what may be. If he idea of living without anyone is more scary than staying together, stay, if not - maybe explore what else may be out there for you in relationship-vile.

TheNaze73 Fri 20-Jan-17 23:37:35

It does sound like you've both settled. If I was in your shoes, I'd be bored.

More to life than that op

HeddaGarbled Fri 20-Jan-17 23:47:09

In truth if you had lasted with your ex into your 50s it would probably be a bit like this wouldn't it? But with the added you don't actually like him factor.

Don't go round your partner's house to cook and wash up. His house, he can do those things.

Why no sex?

pinkyredrose Sat 21-Jan-17 02:36:57

Well stop cooking AND washing up in his house! How often does he do that for you? It sounds like a comfortable old slippers type set up and you don't sound like that's what you want.

MommaGee Sat 21-Jan-17 02:42:47

You're ONLY 50. You could live that long again. Do you want of to be with someone you see on weekends and holidays with NP sex?

I assume you don't live local to each other? Is there any chance of that changing.

If the relationship isn't fulfilling you, make the break and look for something right. Its lonlier with the wrong person than alone

TheElephantofSurprise Sat 21-Jan-17 09:11:50

banana - I promise you, sex is out there. Go find it.

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