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Apparently its "boring"!!!!.......(long)

(9 Posts)
needmoreaction Sat 24-Feb-07 11:50:03

me and dp were having a few drinks last night and i always get a bit randy after a few glasses of wine so always end up coming onto him....

Last few months have been very poor regarding our sex life, it used to be fantastic passionate really fulfilling regular sex but lately we can go a month and have it just the once! ( we are also trying for a baby too so this isnt helping matters )

we experiment loads with toys positions, i am a very open person and not a prude in any way so pretty much whatever he wants il do and vice versa. I have been with women in the past and we have also included that into our bedroom antics but he never has intercourse with them just touching etc which he has been fine with. We stopped this a while back as i was pregnant so our sex life tamed down a hell of a lot.

Last weekend again having a few drinks and we were talking about fantasies etc and he said his was to see me with another girl again and some other things he wanted to do.

going back to my story anyway..last night i initiated sex, he kept rejecting me which is exactly what he has done the last couple of weeks its either "later" "im tired" any old rubbish which comes into his head he will say.

i went to bed and asked him if he was coming too he said in a minute...i go back into the living room and he is still watching tv and i just came out with it....i told him if he didnt start paying me some attention i would end up cheating on him ( i wouldnt do this but it just came out in anger and sexual frustration ) to which he said to me. if your gonna cheat id rather you finish with me first, but i can understand your point sex is very boring between us! he said its very predictable. The only god damn reason its predictable is because i say what i want and he doesnt. we have had such a varied sex life how the hell can he say its boring!
he said we are in a boring routine, he gives me oral and then we have sex...which is pretty much the case but i offer bjs...hand jobs and he just turns them down and would rather get "it over with"
i have asked him to be more demanding and i said that if he cant have sex with me i am hardly going to invite another girl into the scenario.

i feel everything is coming to an end aand turning sour.

first thing he said to me this morning when he woke was. "wanna suck my cock" and burts out laughing. its nice to know he takes this situation seriously!

this probably sounds very very immature but this last conversation with him is probably the last straw that broke the camels back.

needmoreaction Sat 24-Feb-07 11:51:56

sorry totally missed the point.

what im saying is i think he is putting me on strike if you like and telling me things are boring so i can invite another girl into our relationship again to spice things up. its a vicious circle because as if i am going to do that right now the way our sex life is...?

Tinkerbel5 Sat 24-Feb-07 12:04:56

well at least now you know what your hubby is thinking and its out in the open, but I think he is being very selfish, what exactly is he doing to pleasure you ?

needmoreaction Sat 24-Feb-07 12:09:13

at the moment its nothing, even if we do have sex its taken such a long time to get him to that stage the novelty has worn off IYSWIM.

i never reject him but yet its ok for him to do so to me. maybe i should go on strike for a while.....

i just dont know but i cant carry on like this.

suzycreamcheese Sat 24-Feb-07 12:32:14

do you think it (situation) is more loaded ! because you are trying for baby too?
is it something he really wants? have you spoke about that lately?

mytwopenceworth Sat 24-Feb-07 12:36:48

i read this to my dh for a mans perspective. he said

pressure. maybe he is worried about something. there is something that is bothering him that he hasnt shared with you. there is something that he is worried/disturbed/anxious about.

he is probably worried about all the implications of another child. adding another child is very different for a man. he is probably feeling under a lot of pressure - to have a baby, to provide for the baby.

whatever the problem is, it is probably nothing to do with sex.

it is also possible that right now, he hasnt identified it. if you asked him he wouldnt know why he feels funny, but if he sat down alone and really looked into himself, he could pull it out.

his final thought - there's too much pressure! there is plenty of time and you both need to relax. talk, chat without trying to have sex. dont focus on sex which is just making things worse.

also he said that a man can feel inadequate if his partner is too dominant in bed - he can feel emasculated. he might want to be the bloke, to direct and to be leading.

whatever his problem is, it has affected his confidence.

so sayeth my lovely dh, he hopes his thoughts might help. they are just his interpritation, he's not saying he is definatly right, btw!

needmoreaction Sat 24-Feb-07 12:57:04

suzy - i have thought about the baby issue too and i have suggested going back on the pill for a year to take it out of the equation. 1) so he doesnt think i want sex just to get pregnant and 2) so he doesnt have to worry about providing and worry about whether its the right time etc. when i brought this up i was "over reacting" and in his words he said a baby will happen when its meant to and going back on the pill would be taking a step backwards. so he genuinely does want a baby.

i should have been clearer in my post when i was pregnant before it ended in a m/c so we are still trying for number 1.

mytwopenceworth - thanks for your dps point of you its very interesting to hear a mans side. i cannot talk to anyone in rl about our situation as its much to much detail than what i wish to share with friends. i have tried taking the pressure off, romantic meals and cuddles, dvds etc but there is only so long i can go without feeling loved and i think sex expresses that more than anything.
maybe i need to learn some patience. i admit i am very demanding and i am a control freak. he doesnt make decisions its always me from where we go on holiday to what take away we have.

thanks again for both of your opinions its good when someone can widen the perspective on things.

wartywarthog Sat 24-Feb-07 13:11:06

hmmm when one partner is overly controlling and dictating everything the other partner does, the other person start to lose confidence in their decisions and viewpoints and they start to disappear slowly. how would you feel about someone who insisted you do everything their way?

i'd strongly recommend you give him back part of his life. start off with little things like let him choose the takeaway next time. stop telling him how to do things. see if that makes a difference.

needmoreaction Sat 24-Feb-07 15:25:54

wartywarthog - i try!!! i really do! i ALWAYS ask him what he wants and all i get is "i dont mind" "what do you want" "il have whatever you want" he isnt decisive in anyway at all! i wish he would make decisions and wouldn leave everything to me.

i dont say to him i want this and thats that,i am a very flexible easy going person just the control side of it comes into when things need to be organised.

i dont in anyway control his life he does what he wants when he wants as do i. we do not own eachother.

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