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I need to leave but don't think i can

(17 Posts)
TheLongRains Thu 19-Jan-17 20:58:50

I'll spare you all the details, but I have to get out, and I've only got two and a half months to do it. Ideally a month, but that just seems so unrealistic. Leaving at all sounds unrealistic, to be honest.

I have a baby. Any job I get would be cancelled out by childcare. How can I afford to leave? If I move city (which I want to anyway, as I have no family or friends here), I stand a better chance of buying - either with a small mortgage (less than rent), or no mortgage (if I can borrow from my parents - though they are very much of the "you don't leave a marriage" school of thought, so it may be harder to convince them to lend me money, and easier to just crack on with this alone). But all the other expenses will be too much.

How the heck can I look after me and my baby?? And how do I sort it all out in such a short timeframe??

SortAllTheThings Thu 19-Jan-17 21:06:11

I felt like you a year ago, but I got out. It's hard but once I'd worked out the financial stuff, everything else fell into place.

Do you have a job at the moment?

One thing worth noting is that you can claim tax credits from the time the relationship is over. It takes time to get a claim in, it's a couple of weeks at least just to get the forms, so it's worth getting the ball rolling with that.

Try to make the beginnings of a plan. Focus on what you want to do, plan along the way. You don't have to have everything in place now, just for the immediate future. Don't start thinking about mortgages etc just yet, just focus on what you need to do now, and to get through the next few months. The rest will come.

You don't say why you need to leave. Womens Aid or CAB should be able to help you.

Do you own your house?

Finally - solicitor. I resisted, but seeking legal advice was the best thing I did. I got so much information and help in just the first meeting.

Harvestmoonsobig Thu 19-Jan-17 21:11:05

What is the criteria for qualifying?

SortAllTheThings Thu 19-Jan-17 21:16:57

SortAllTheThings Thu 19-Jan-17 21:20:03

OP - if you have a job over 16 hours then I believe up to 75% of your childcare costs are covered by the childcare element of tax credits. Then you get working tax credits, and further child tax credits, dependant on income. If you rent, you'd be entitled to housing benefit.

Joysmum Thu 19-Jan-17 21:31:00

Search for the 'entitled to' website. It'll give you what benefits, including housing benefit, you could be entitled to.

TheLongRains Thu 19-Jan-17 21:35:22

Sort oh my goodness, thank you! I had no idea. That is a great place to start looking. I'll be plugging in figures. I don't currently have a job, but will obviously be looking immediately.

Well done for making it out. I know people must be able to make it happen, but the order in which to do things is so confusing. I need a job to be able to pay rent and bills, but I need somewhere to live so that I can look for work in the right area... It feels so chicken and egg.

I desperately want to be around for my baby as much as possible (she's still so young), but I don't know that I can afford to work anything less than full time.

But I know I need to do this. For her as much as for me. If she grows up thinking this life we have at the moment is normal, I'd hate myself. So that will keep me going.

TheLongRains Thu 19-Jan-17 21:43:45

Sorry harvest , I don't understand. Qualifying for what?

joysmum thanks! I'll look that up too.

SortAllTheThings Thu 19-Jan-17 21:47:08

No worries! You'd be surprised, really. You might be able to work 16 hours, have 2 days childcare and be ok. You can start putting in rough figures based on what you think you could earn. You won't necessarily be better off if you work more hours

Happy to help in any way. Having just been through it, feel free to ask away. Pm me if you don't want to put too much on the thread

SortAllTheThings Thu 19-Jan-17 21:50:10

Can you put away any cash over the next month or two? Anything will help.

I had a small amount of savings, but was fortunate to have a credit card to rely on.

The very first thing I did was sort tax credits. Rang up and asked for the form. Once the ball was rolling, it didn't stop grin

datingbarb Thu 19-Jan-17 21:54:37

You can do it believe me I'm a single Mum to 4!

You will get tax credits, help with housing etc, for working tax credits you have to work at least 16 hours and you will get help with your childcare.

How old is your baby, from two you may be entitled to 15 free hours childcare which would help then from 3 30 hours

If you need to go you will totally manage

joell75 Thu 19-Jan-17 22:19:51

Its entirely manageable. If you don't work, you will be entitled to income support as you have a child under five. You are 'exempt' from the need to work. Alongside that you will be entitled to housing benefit. If you work, working tax credits, child tax credits and a considerable contribution towards childcare, and possibly some housing benefit depending upon how much you earn.

TheLongRains Thu 19-Jan-17 23:28:32

Thanks for all the reassurances that this is possible. And for all the helpful guidance. Looks like I'm not eligible for income support due to my savings, but that's ok as I'm happy to work (except for leaving my baby, but I know I need to see it as being for her), so will see what I'd earn in part-time jobs and see what that would leave me being able to claim.

Thankfully I do have a very healthy savings account, in my name, that I'd built up before marriage, so I won't be totally without when I leave - I just don't want to fritter it all away whilst I try to sort out housing and jobs - I've been hoping to put it into a permanent stable home for us for so long, I don't just want to spend it all on rent and bills... But I guess it's better to be away from here and without savings than here and with them. I can always start saving again.

TheLongRains Thu 19-Jan-17 23:31:49

Oh, and my daughter is still a way off being 2... I did think of trying to stick it out here until she's old enough for some free nursery hours, but I don't think I can stay that long (and we risk eviction in two and a half months, with nowhere else to go, which is why I'm so determined to leave now with my daughter. I need to provide a roof for her that won't be taken away).

SortAllTheThings Thu 19-Jan-17 23:54:49

If you've got that much in savings, what's stopping you. Just go! Rent somewhere and just leave. I know you know what to spend your savings. It's your safety net... But this is exactly what it's for.

And for perspective , I had £200 when I kicked out my ex. I still made it work. You'll be fine!

SortAllTheThings Thu 19-Jan-17 23:56:23

Think all tax credit advice is probably redundant here, isn't it.

TheLongRains Fri 20-Jan-17 09:34:27

You're definitely right. I've been so set for so long on that being my deposit for a home, but actually it's far better to view it as my safety net and use it as such. So what if it disappears on bills, if it allows us to survive on our own for a while whilst I sort out jobs and childcare...

You're right! Thank you!

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