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Feel like I'm only good for sex

(34 Posts)
Pieceofmeat Thu 19-Jan-17 20:53:00

Need some perspective here that I'm doing the right thing. Background is together 16 years, married 8, two DC. We separated just before new years. I'd say it came as a bit of a shock but things have been bad for a while.

Dh can be very grumpy, moody and has a bad temper. He is a very negative person and always moans about how tired he is, how hard he works. He gets cross about really stupid things. I felt like I've been walking on egg shells for a long time. So as a result I have detached a bit. I just get on with things, try and avoid confrontation and sort the kids out myself as best I can.

My main issue is that even if he's been cross/moody all day he might still initiate sex that night. And obviously I'm not keen because of how he's been acting. But I always oblige. We would have sex once a week, and maybe a bj during the week as well. Sorry for tmi. But I've no sex drive because I feel he treats me like shit.

So anyway that's a big problem. He says I'm not interested, I'm withdrawing because of how I feel and he's hurt because I'm not interested.

So skip to today, almost 3 weeks since we decide to split. I knew he was coming round to get stuff before he went to work, I stayed out after the school run so he would be gone before I got home. He text to see where I was and when I got home he was still there. He was just out of the shower and he asked me to give him a BJ. I'm am so upset and I think it's just reinforced that that's all I'm fucking good for. He doesn't give a shit about me as long as he's getting what he needs.

I didn't do it, I got straight in the car and drove off.

That's a shit thing to do isn't it?

Rainbowqueeen Thu 19-Jan-17 20:57:43

Yes it is
And you are awesome for driving off

This isn't you, it's him. flowers

AnyFucker Thu 19-Jan-17 20:59:04

I don't understand

Why are you having sex with someone that you are separated from ?

Lilacpink40 Thu 19-Jan-17 20:59:11

Absolutely disgraceful. You are not a sperm depositer but a human being with normal needs and feelings.

Tell him to go and fuck himself grow up.

On a more serious note, separation and divorce is an emotional wrench. I hope you have RL support and moan on here lots flowers

Rubyslippers7780 Thu 19-Jan-17 20:59:18

He sounds awful. No wonder you have had enough. You are worth more than that behaviour.

LimeySnickett Thu 19-Jan-17 21:00:02

This is why you're splitting. Because he's a fucked up bastard.

I am on the verge of leaving DH and he knows it. (NC btw, been here for years). Things have been dreadful. And I remember that before his birthday he told me what he really wanted from me was.... a BJ. Because I hadn't given him one in ages. Of course, I don't actually want to sleep with him at all because he's such a negative, critical bore.

You're not alone. Good for you for getting your life together and moving on. I'm 'stuck'.

Pieceofmeat Thu 19-Jan-17 21:01:05

I haven't Anyfucker. We seperated 3 weeks ago and this happened today. I said no.and drove off. But it reinforces the opinion that that's all I'm good for.

Pieceofmeat Thu 19-Jan-17 21:03:20

Sorry to hear that Limey, I hope things work out for you. I was stuck for years, now I feel free. But I've spent so long being worn down by him I'm afraid he'll try and drag me back in.

AnyFucker Thu 19-Jan-17 21:03:38

It must have been the way you wrote your op

You said you "always oblige" in the present tense

Naicehamshop Thu 19-Jan-17 21:04:02

How dare he?! shock

Well done for driving off -I hope you told him what you thought of his behaviour before you left! angry

Pieceofmeat Thu 19-Jan-17 21:05:46

Sorry I meant during our marriage, that should have been obliged. Which I won't be doing anymore. I actually had tears in my eyes when he said it.

alltouchedout Thu 19-Jan-17 21:05:59

It was obvious to me what you meant. Well done. His behaviour is appalling.

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 19-Jan-17 21:08:58

Well done for driving off. What a horrible piece of work he sounds. You're well shot of him.

theansweris42 Thu 19-Jan-17 21:11:55

Ace for driving off.
AF I tend to agree with your posts but things are so tricky when leaving abuse.
I think the OP was brave.
OPflowers

theansweris42 Thu 19-Jan-17 21:13:40

It's not all you are good for.
He saw an opportunity, he asked. He's an awful abusive person.
You said no...cos it's not all you're good for.

Pieceofmeat Thu 19-Jan-17 21:14:44

Thanks everyone. I don't feel brave I feel like a fool. This seperation is difficult and I'm doing everything I can to make it easy for my DC.

theansweris42 Thu 19-Jan-17 21:16:39

It sounds an awful situation.
I've left an abuser.
Put yourself first.

Chloe84 Thu 19-Jan-17 21:26:48

Yes, the present tense confused me too.

Try to think of it in a different way - he's just shown you that you were right to separate.

Please don't get back together with him.

Ilovecaindingle Thu 19-Jan-17 21:30:00

He ob think he is such a stud one flash of his manhood and you will just forget he is a twat. . Glad he got a reality check today. .
I hope this has given you some confidence you have done the best thing by splitting up.

MatildaTheCat Thu 19-Jan-17 23:04:36

I understood what you meant.

You are not a fool. You have split up and he's still the same twat as he was before. Tell him you will never be engaging in any sexual behaviour again with him and if he suggests it you will consider it to be harassment.

Well done for a great handling of a nasty situation and keep up the good work. flowers

AnyFucker Thu 19-Jan-17 23:14:45

I understood that talking in the present tense means you are still struggling to see yourself as separate from his needs

The language we use can be very revealing

Well done for taking that first step. Keep on.

Adora10 Fri 20-Jan-17 12:53:14

Jesus, good for you OP, he sounds a complete sex pest and yes he's jus wanting sex of you, tell him to fuck off as far away as possible.

LellyMcKelly Sat 21-Jan-17 08:36:14

What a twat. Well done for driving off!

pocketsaviour Sat 21-Jan-17 12:31:34

Well done for driving off. Arrogant twat. How dare he.

Do you have a plan for moving the separation forward? Does one of you plan to move out?

jeaux90 Sat 21-Jan-17 13:29:42

Yuck!! What an utter nob!! Really good that he showed you who he really is. I know it must of been upsetting for you but my view is it won't be long before you are saying to yourself "what an utter nob my ex is"

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