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Don't want to be homeless

(17 Posts)
Whathappensnowthen Thu 19-Jan-17 19:50:18

So having got my act together and finally getting plans in place to leave my husband, I have spoken to the tax credit people and now the bank re my joint mortgage. So here's my situation:

Husband refuses to move out. Says if I want to leave then I must be the one who physically leaves. I could claim tax credits as a single parent, but told I need to prove I have separated from husband ie need proof of new address. But can't move out till I receive tax credits as have no spare money.

Mortgage people have turned me down - I can't buy husband out due to me failing their affordability test. Basically, with 4 dependent children and £1,200 of childcare bills to foot each month they won't allow me to buy him out. He could buy me out as he earns more and wouldn't have childcare fees, but he refuses.

So I'm stuck. Can't move out, can't separate, can't get a mortgage, can't rent without his co-operations. Spoke to solicitor (free half hour) about divorce and forcing house sale that way - again they need money upfront and regular monthly payments, which I have no way of paying.

So frustrated, so unhappy, really don't know what to do. It's not like I can even kip on someone's sofa with 4 children in tow. Any ideas anyone??

VivDeering Thu 19-Jan-17 20:03:38

Is he their father?

OutToGetYou Thu 19-Jan-17 20:05:05

Why can't you rent without his cooperation?

ImperialBlether Thu 19-Jan-17 20:06:42

Hang on, OP - the childcare costs don't all fall to you!

Is there a joint account?

Whathappensnowthen Thu 19-Jan-17 20:07:25

Yes he's their father. To rent I need a deposit. I can't afford a deposit unless he buys me out and gives me my share of the equity in the property. Overdrafts at max, no savings.

Whathappensnowthen Thu 19-Jan-17 20:08:13

He refuses to pay childcare - I chose to return to work therefore my responsibility.

ilovewelshrarebit123 Thu 19-Jan-17 20:09:23

Depending if you work and your salary you may qualify for housing benefit, tax credits, council tax benefit, and I'm sure you get something towards childcare to!

You don't him to cooperate do you?

Proseccoisthenewlambrini Thu 19-Jan-17 20:10:57

Hi OP, I don't know about where you live but in my area you can apply at the housing department of the council for a rent deposit scheme, where they loan/pay your rental deposit for you.
Was there domestic abuse? If so this would help your case.

Good luck

Fidelia Thu 19-Jan-17 20:17:15

Well, he'll have to pay child maintenance. And you could self rep for the divorce, filing papers and requesting temporary ancilliary relief (spousal support) until the finances are fully settled.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 19-Jan-17 20:27:03

I thought you didn't have to be living at a separate address to claim tax credits, just to show that you are separated iuswim. I really can't stress the importance of SH lawyer there any way you could put the cost of this on a credit card? I thought I had heard of circs where the primary carer was allowed to stay in the marital home as the children were under 18, and the sale delayed until then, but presumably it depends if the other parent is financially able to support another home.

happypoobum Thu 19-Jan-17 20:35:45

TBH from what you have posted you will have to find a way to petition him for divorce. Otherwise you will just be stuck as you are forever. Can you use a credit card to fund the initial petition?

As Spongebob says, you might benefit from a "Mesher Order" where you would stay in the house with the DC until youngest finishes full time education. DH name has to stay on the mortgage (solving the affordability issue) but you have exclusive use.

Could you pay the mortgage if he paid you 20% of his net pay as Child Support? would you need spousal maintenance?

The needs of housing the DC come first, so if all that is left is enough for him to rent a 1 bed flat, then that's how it is. This would be exactly the same if it was him who had the child caring responsibilities.

Ilovecaindingle Thu 19-Jan-17 20:40:03

Apply for benefits for now with a date that you decide you have separated. .
I still lived with exh and applied for things. Then I found a house and moved out. . Bricks and mortar don't outway your mental health.

Fidelia Thu 19-Jan-17 20:44:57

Spongebob - what you're saying is a Mesher order. Either the resident parent can afford to pay the mortgage, or must get spousal support awarded to help pay the mortgage (getting much rarer).

In many areas, one house won't divide fully into two smaller houses, so if the OP ha to wait until the dc are 18, she may find that she doesn't have enough from the sale at that point to rehouse herself, and may be too old to get a mortgage. So less Mesher orders are getting awarded because less people want them.

ilovewelshrarebit123 Thu 19-Jan-17 21:55:43

Forgot to add, my friend separated from her husband and he refused to move out.

She was very tight for money as he wouldn't give her any. She got tax credits even though they were in the same house.

Call them you've nothing to lose.

JoMalones Fri 20-Jan-17 00:31:59

If you've separated and living apart but under the same roof you can claim tax credits. Living separate lives means eating separately, sleeping in different rooms, not doing each other's washing etc.

EmilyRosanne Fri 20-Jan-17 07:32:42

I would talk to your local council, I was offerered a grant that paid the deposit that is paid back gradually.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 20-Jan-17 09:00:57

Wow - I would also suggest you talk to Womens Aid!!!
He's financially abusive for a start and I suspect in other ways too.
They may be able to give you some good advice.
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