I just split with my partner and I'm devastated even though it was my decision. I'm sorry this will be long and rambling. I just need to get it off my chest.
We've been seeing each other around a year and it was absolutely perfect. So we decided to move in together just before Xmas. Unfortunately, living with him made me realise how immature he was and how much he relied on his mum while he was living with her. He had no clue how to do housework, and when he did try he caused some dangerous situations (think pouring hot oil down a sink! ) I have various mental health issues that he was struggling to deal with, and the situation was grinding us down. His mum didn't want him to move out in the first place and her constant neediness (daily phone calls etc) was starting to get on my nerves. We decided to go back to how we were as it was working before, plus I need some space to work things out while I'm undergoing treatment for my MH.
Since he's moved out he's become very distant. Not coming over for coffees during the day. Rarely staying the night. Not wanting to make plans, etc.
Yesterday I had a technical problem with something in my house and had to get a specialist tradesperson in to fix it. He offered to help in any way he could until the problem was solved which I was grateful for but said I'd manage. I made plans for tonight to meet up with some friends and messaged him asking if he had any plans for tonight as I was going to invite him. The message went ignored and he changed the subject.
Later last night, on his way home from work I asked him if he could collect something from the shop since I'd not had chance to go out and he was passing my house on the way home. I also thought he might stay for a while and have a cuppa. He'd been here no more than 5 minutes when him mum rang asking why he wasn't home (he's a grown man fgs!) He then mentioned he'd popped in to see me, so she decided to tell him she's booked in for surgery and giving details of the times/dates, etc and that he needed to take the day off work to collect her. He rushed the rest of his conversation with me and went to leave.
On his way out I asked why he'd ignored my message about him having plans. He said 'I thought you were going to ask me if I could help with , but it's my day off so I wanted to chill out!' Fair enough, but why offer if you have no intention of helping?
He also offered to look after my DC next week while I go to a MH appointment, which he changed his mind about last night too.
Am I right in thinking that if he's this immature and reliant on his mother it's never going to change and he's always going to need a 'mother figure' rather than an equal partner? (For context, I'm 3 years older than him, divorced with 3 children and have lived away from my parents for 11 years. He's mid 20s and still living with his mum.)
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Immature DP. Will he ever change?
14 replies
RoseOfSharyn · 19/01/2017 15:18
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