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Parents house, very complicated!

(212 Posts)
Emboo19 Thu 19-Jan-17 11:46:47

I feel bad even putting this on here and it's rather complicated so apologies.
I'm 19 and have a dd, I was due to start uni last year, but it's delayed due to baby. Will be going this year instead. I live with my parents, this is the complicated part.
The house is legally mine, left by great grandma to me. My parents were young when they had me and a bit irresponsible, so my mum wasn't left anything herself. The condition being they could live in it, until I was older also some money was left in care of my grandparents for maintenance/modernisation etc!
I've always known it's mine and me and my parents get on really well, not so much a traditional parent/child relationship though. I always thought/said that once I'd finished uni, we'd look at selling the house and split the money me and my parents 50/50 or they could buy my half. Obviously I didn't plan a baby though.
I went out for lunch with my grandma yesterday and we discussed the house, she said she'd spoke to my mum and she thinks that the we will stick with selling/buying when I finish uni as I've said previously. This will mean I'll still be living with my parents when my daughters 4/5 and I don't think I want that. I've not really thought about it until my grandma mentioned it though.
My grandma thinks I need to get it sorted now and that my parents need to be responsible for themselves, she thinks I should look at getting a solicitor and getting the house valued. My mum and her parents don't have the best relationship, so she's a bit biased.
Obviously I wouldn't see my parents homeless and my mum now has a buissness she runs from the house, so needs to stay really.
Would I be horrible to raise this with them? And how do I do that? What time scale do I give them? They are not very proactive in sorting things at all!
If I didn't have my daughter I wouldn't even bother and probably wouldn't have asked to sell or for any money at all! I've now to think of security for my daughter though and I don't think I'd be eligible for any help towards housing if I legally own a property.

SadTrombone Thu 19-Jan-17 12:16:09

When is best for you to move? Summer break 2017 or what? Do your research then find a time that will be convenient for you and a reasonable amount of time for them and work back from there. Raise it gently and lay out what you have planned - make it clear up front how flexible / inflexible you want to be with this date (if flexible set an absolute latest date and make sure they know you will stick to that).
Before baby the original plan suited you fine but things change. Do what's best for you and DC while still being fair to parents and giving reasonable time to adjust.

caffelatte100 Thu 19-Jan-17 12:22:19

oh, I think that's very hard, and quite an unusual situation that you find yourself in. You seem reasonable though.

I would talk to your parents and ask what they are thinking about it, plant the seed as to what you would like in the future. Good luck....

RogueStar01 Thu 19-Jan-17 12:24:16

are your parents a bad influence on your DD? I'm worried otherwise that you're losing family support for your DD - do they help with childcare so you can study? I think it's fine to sell and give them a reasonable time though, the house was left to you and they've been living rent free for a good while so they've had a better shot than most have had. It is all about your DD now, they are fully grown adults.

Emboo19 Thu 19-Jan-17 12:33:34

Thanks for replies. I'm not sure when I'd want to move, I'm not in a great rush or anything. I have my own space and in some ways it's more like living with friends, I don't have to explain myself or anything, never really have had to. It was just when I thought of still potentially living with my parents when my dd would be starting school and I don't want that!
Not a bad influence at all Rogue they do help, but won't be doing childcare dd will go to nursery/childminder. That's the thing although they've had 18 Years rent/mortgage free, I know they don't have savings or anything! They are both classed as self employed too, so I'm not sure if they'd get a mortgage.

Emboo19 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:03:47

Just to add! I do feel very guilty and like really it should have been my mums all along. I've thought about signing the house over to them, but honestly I don't trust they wouldn't borrow money on it or sell up and just flit the money away.
If I didn't have dd, I think I'd have ended up just letting them stay. It's such a lot of money though, that would obviously be of use now I've got a child!

mistermagpie Thu 19-Jan-17 13:12:14

What a tricky situation. In lots of ways it seems they are dependent on you rather than the other way around. Is there any way you could move out but start charging them rent (at a fair price?) I assume that if they are both self-employed they have some money coming in?

I think you are going to have to raise it with them, it doesn't really matter if you feel like the house 'should' have been your mums, it isn't and that wasn't the wish of your great grandmother, so it falls to you to deal with it. Don't sign it over to them though, this is your security for you and DD. If this has been the arrangement, who has kept up with maintenance of the house over the past 18 years? I presume your parents seeing as you were a child? This should probably be taken into account.

Becuase you all get on well I think an informal chat about their expectations is the way to start. Don't go in with valuations and solicitors initially because it might put them on the back foot and create tension where none is needed.

Emboo19 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:21:50

mistermagpie I wouldn't sign it to them as I say, I don't trust them. There was money left for maintenance etc, my grandparents controlled this. The house has been extended the loft done, which is my room now, and a downstairs extension for my mums business, all paid from money left not my parents. My parents have decorated and that's all really!
I wouldn't go straight in with solicitor etc, I'm curious as to what it's worth though and am wondering if I sold, I could maybe buy two smaller houses.
I'd worry with rent as they might just not pay or not on time etc and if I needed that money, it would cause problems!

caffelatte100 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:25:57

You sound very mature for 19 years old. When's your baby due?

mistermagpie Thu 19-Jan-17 13:29:06

You're parents sound really unreliable, no wonder this is a bit of a headache. Your idea of selling and buying two seperate houses is a really good one though. Depending on how much space they need for the business side of things you could get them a small house/flat to live in, essentially as they have been doing so far - rent free but they pay for bills and decoration - and get yourself and DD another small house. both would belong to you so you have your security and you are still giving them a place to live without having to actually live with them yourself.

With a loft conversion and extension you might be able to sell your current place for enough to buy at least one of the properties mortgage free, which would be a great thing. You could do it all properly and allow your parents to live in 'their' house until their death and then it passes to you daughter or something like that?

Definitely worth getting a valuation on that basis I would say.

mouldycheesefan Thu 19-Jan-17 13:30:23

you may need their support whilst you at present at uni so I wouldn't be doing anything that could harm that relationship at this stage. How are you funding yourself do you get any financial support from them? How will you pay for food, nursery etc or is that why you need to sell the house?

RogueStar01 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:31:55

i'm sure there is a sensible middle ground here. If your parents do help a bit, it'd be nice not to alienate them, there's no reason for you to though as it's completely reasonable for you to protect your DD's security, surely they want what's best for you and your DD after-all. I wouldn't sign it over to them either, in your shoes. They've shown no financial responsibility to date and that's somewhat unimpressive for people presumably in their late 30s at least!

Emboo19 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:32:27

She's almost 16 weeks caffelatte100 sorry I thought I'd put that! Ha, I think growing up with immature parents maybe had some effect on me. The last thing I wanted was to be a young mum, myself though!
They weren't bad parents or anything, I was very much loved and had everything I needed. They just weren't very traditional in their parenting!

RogueStar01 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:33:58

i'll be completely honest em if I were in your P's shoes, I wouldn't let my DD and DGD buy me a flat, even if they had a smaller one. I suppose they feel entitled to the money even though they aren't. I do think buying 2 smaller places is very fair.

StartledByHisFurryShorts Thu 19-Jan-17 13:34:10

It's a very unusual situation. I think you need to do what's best for you and your daughter.

How is your relationship with your parents? Will your grandmother support you in your decision?

FWIW, I think selling the property would have fewer repercussions than turfing your parents out and living there yourself.

Your parents know that they're living in a house which isn't theirs. However, I would be massively hurt if my mum had bypassed me and given a house to my daughter. (And my daughter is about your age and far more sensible than me.) Rightly or wrongly, I don't think this situation can be dealt with calmly and without drama. Good luck.

Emboo19 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:40:08

That's what I'm thinking mistermagpie its in a very nice area and my grandma thinks it would be worth quite a bit! I've never really looked at house prices to be honest.
I'm not at uni until sept, I work part time currently get mat pay, plus money from dd's dad and I work for my mum part time, I'm already back doing that. I have futher money that I can't access until 21, unless my grandparents allow me to, which they would for uni, I think! Or I'll do student loans and work part time!
I'd never see them without a home or anything!

Berthatydfil Thu 19-Jan-17 13:41:00

You're very kind to have considered giving them half - did they pay half towards the loft?
Have they been paying you rent? They should have from the time the house was transferred to you - even if this was reduced by the fact you were living there too.

I assume therefore that they would have been aware that at some point you would have wanted your house back to sell/live in/rent out etc and have been saving all the money they might have paid in rent and now have a sizeable lump sum to go towards buying a new place of their own.??
Or perhaps they have been going lalalala with their fingers in their ears all this time and hoping you might forget about it all.

Emboo19 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:46:05

Sorry x posted! It was my mums grandma who left it! I do feel terrible my uncle was left his share and I got my mums! I was only a baby, I never knew her.
I really don't think my parents will give me drama or anything. I just don't think they'll get their act together and sort something out!
Ideally I'd like them to buy the house from me, for a much reduced fee, I'd always thought half, would be fair! As long as they don't then borrow more or sell it!!!

Emboo19 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:54:43

They haven't paid towards extension/loft no, they don't pay rent. My mums not as bad as my dad, but they pretty much spend what they have.
Their last bit of savings went on my mum setting up a buissnes and on their wedding/honeymoon last summer and Australia at the moment. So they can and do save when they want something or at least my mum does.

RogueStar01 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:56:22

you can't control what they do though Em, that's why you need to make sure your DD and you have security, whatever you do. If they've got no savings til now when they've been living rent-free, they'll very likely struggle and borrow against the house.

mouldycheesefan Thu 19-Jan-17 13:56:56

You are incredibly mature for your age, you come across very impressively.
This may becontroversial but I wouldn't givethem half the proceeds of thesale of the house. It was left to you not them and you may need that money at some stage.

Badders123 Thu 19-Jan-17 13:59:38

Your parents are NOT your responsibility
Put you and your dd first
A quick look at rightmove and zoopla of your postal code would give you some idea if you don't want to get the house valued as yet
Easter is usually the busy time for houses going on the market
If I were you (oh to be 19 again!!) I would sell up, buy 2 smaller properties and make sure both are in your name.
Your parents can then stay in one paying a nominal rent. If they don't want to you can rent it out at market rates.
Good luck

RogueStar01 Thu 19-Jan-17 14:04:05

yes I agree with badders, your parents have proven they are totally feckless - in 18 years they could've saved enough to buy themselves a place without any help from their DD. To my mind living rent/mortgage free for 18 years is a pretty good inheritance by itself. I wouldn't directly put any money into their hands either as they will surely borrow against the flat or use it as security to run up debts.

Ferrisday Thu 19-Jan-17 14:06:26

You're giving a very vague reason for not wanting to live with them in the future. If the situation suits now, there's no reason it can't work until your daughter goes to school.
I think you underestimate the support you might need when you go to uni.
I would talk to them about it and tell them that you intend to split it 50/50 but you're not sure when that might be as of course your circumstances have changed. But I would still wait until you're settled in uni and reassess the situation.
What you're suggesting is perfectly reasonable, I can't see that they can complain.
They must realise that you're not going to live with them forever, you're just moving the date up a bit

Aderyn2016 Thu 19-Jan-17 14:07:53

Don't sell it to them for a reduced price. They will end up remortgaging and losing it and you will have lost out on its full value. It's your dd's security.
I think I would tell them that you want to get the house valued, with a view to selling within the next couple of years. This would give them time to get some money together. If you can afford it, buying 2 smaller homes is great, but keep them both in your name. It will protect you from inheritance tax and stop your parents from selling it and blowing the money.

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