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cheating or not

(15 Posts)
lilli30101968 Wed 18-Jan-17 14:56:34

I would like to put surveillance on my husband not coming home after work good or bad idea need to know where are stand

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-Jan-17 15:35:12

Why are you suspicious?
Is it the lateness and only that?
Is he protective and attached to his phone?
Do you have access to his phone/laptop?
If you need it for your 'proof' then that's fair enough.
What will you do when you find out he is cheating?

lilli30101968 Wed 18-Jan-17 15:55:59

he might be cheating on me I dont have access to his phone new tech with code very attach . I just wants to know where i stand with him i have been too long with him took all his behaviour

Bluntness100 Wed 18-Jan-17 15:57:31

Why do you think he's cheating though, other than a new phone?

PaterPower Wed 18-Jan-17 16:04:06

Well, unless there's some real history behind you worrying so much, I'd say don't do it.

If a random guy were to tell you he'd hired someone to follow his wife you'd think it was EA... because it is. But why stop there? Why not go the whole hog and snoop around his phone and laptop, open his private correspondence or plant a bug on his car?! I've seen the first two suggested on this often enough, but I wouldn't go with the bug - pretty sure that'll get you some jail time and a restraining order.

Slightly less cynically, just getting someone to follow him is a pretty strong sign that your relationship isn't in a good place. If you can't trust him when he tells you he's working late, then do you really need "proof" before ending it? Better you just end it now as, if he's innocent and finds out later that you've done this, it'll probably kill whatever's left of your marriage anyway.

TheNaze73 Wed 18-Jan-17 16:13:29

This is never a good idea

lilli30101968 Wed 18-Jan-17 16:17:20

I cant get access on his phone no chance and dont tlel me where he is thats the case and it affecting my life no sleep during night .

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-Jan-17 16:27:08

I realise it's not the best idea.
If you have no trust then you can just end it.
But, like most of us who have been cheated on, you need 'proof'
I've no idea why because we really already know.
But you need to know 'for sure'
You do what ever is right for you for your own peace of mind and mental health.

SandyY2K Wed 18-Jan-17 16:32:41

Do you want to be married to a man who can't be bothered to tell you where he is?

Have you actually asked him?

It sounds like it's more than coming home late.

Can I ask ...if you found out he was cheating would you leave him? If you feel you need to know then hire a P.I.

Knowledge is power.

PaterPower Wed 18-Jan-17 16:42:03

The double standards on this site sometimes!

Don't hire the PI. It's abusive and the "need" to do it is a sign your relationship is already dead. Proof won't make the end of your marriage any easier and won't make you feel any better either. You'll just feel grubby and as sneaky as you think he's being.

If he's not coming home and he's not bothering to even reassure you then why are you staying with him? Save the money you'd burn on the PI to hire a good solicitor, LTB and start your divorce.

WalkingDownTheRoad Wed 18-Jan-17 18:40:13

Totally unacceptable. Don't do it. If you don't trust him, talk to him. If you are not satisfied then leave him. Do not invade his privacy - as pp say that would be abusive.

lilli30101968 Wed 18-Jan-17 20:39:46

thanks ladies for your advices really appreciate. I think marriage is dead because i have fighting the outings for years and gave up now we dont do anything he rather be out with colleagues and friends . I though if i at least know where he spend his evenings i ll have more stronger case in court

PaterPower Wed 18-Jan-17 20:51:05

Nope, won't make a scrap of difference to the court.

herwegoagain123 Wed 18-Jan-17 20:55:35

Of course you want to know whats going on. I have every sympathy and the need to find out can be overwhelming.
Why not do the opposite, start detaching and going out yourself. Do it then you are in a better position if anything comes to light. Start the plan to leave even if its only gradually.

torontonian Thu 19-Jan-17 13:07:54

Ditch the morals. It will help with closure if he is cheating. I didn't get my STBXH to admit it and he keeps the OW still a secret (although he will kiss her in front of DC, who tell me). But it would have helped so much if he had just admitted it to me.

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