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Partner get irate over trivial things

15 replies

PinkGuy · 18/01/2017 14:10

Hello all,

Never thought I'd be writing on MumsNet, but thought perhaps I should get some sound advice from a completely different angle.

OH & I have been together for three years (two of these living together). It's not been all roses. All couples have arguments, I fully get that.

just over a year ago OH found out I had been sexting (yes yes yes, I'm an arse, I really do regret being a dick) after memorising the PIN on my phone. We decided to patch things up. I cut all contact with said sextee.
Just before Christmas I spotted he had the dating/'hook up' app Grindr on his phone. Assured me it was nothing, was just looking in the are to 'see who was around' and promptly showed me it being uninstalled... Only he reinstalled it. I did suspect as he was being precious of his phone. Saw the profile and knew it was him and the wording was pretty explicit.

Early last year we were in the process of buying a place together until OH lost their job halfway through the buying process, forcing us to withdraw. Obviously OH was very low and felt it was their fault as they 'agreed with their employer' that they should leave (i.e. leave or we fire you). I'm a little more pragmatic (try to see silver linings) and reassure him that everything will be OK.

Anyway, over the last year we've had some pretty explosive rows.

The last being I was delayed 20 mins in a meeting, he was waiting to pick me up. Tried to call me, but phone was on silent. Cue silent treatment and aggressive driving all the way home. Silent treatment for the next 24hrs, followed my a sms while I'm at work detailing how disrespectful I am of his time, how vulnerable he is due to his unemployment. How I don't support him. All stuff he's said before.

Arrogant me thinks he has a warm home to live in, hot food in his belly and nice clothes on his back. He should think himself lucky, there are thousands of people much worse off.

However, sensitive me also understand how stressful it much be, being out of work. He came to the UK seeing work after studying for his ideal job, but quickly came to realise it's not fun or enjoyable and pretty stressful. Moved away from family and friends. My friends and family are all he has.

We're at loggerheads I think.I don't think it's fair that he should take all his frustrations out on me.

He thinks I should support him more, but when I ask how, I get the usual "I don't know!"

I found him a course for unemployed people and he's getting great work experience from that (a few hours a day 3 days a week). I've asked friends and colleagues if they have potential opportunities, but they all say the same thing about going to their recruitment sites. He seems to think that mates get other mates jobs. Maybe in the upper echelons but of admin roles? Naah.

So, help!? Am I being a complete dick or do we both need to chill?

I really want things to work but it should be 50/50. But I dunno, the whole thing seems a little toxic.

Thanks for reading. I'm sorry I rambled on a bit!

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Squirmy65ghyg · 18/01/2017 14:16

He sounds horrible and a drama queen.

You both sound like the relationship is a waste of time - sexts and grindr?!