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Is it normal to feel sick about asking for help with DCs from STBXH?

(10 Posts)
ANewDawn Wed 18-Jan-17 11:54:24

I've emailed him reminding him about looking after the DC's as I'm on a business trip tomorrow. I feel sick about the response I'm going to get. I'm on tenterhooks. Is that normal?

I've not given any background on purpose because I want to know AIBU to feel sick?

Nabootique Wed 18-Jan-17 12:20:30

I don't know if it's normal but I would feel sick in that situation. I have had to do it myself a couple of times when it was completely unavoidable (normally I would move heaven and earth so I wasn't in the position where I had to ask) and I did feel incredibly anxious that he was going to be a dick about it.

everythingis Wed 18-Jan-17 12:27:14

It is for me. I need to send an email
About returning dc on time and not exhausted and dirty and hungry.

debbs77 Wed 18-Jan-17 12:28:53

Totally understandable. I guess it's the apprehension of knowing he is likely to be an arse about it!

ANewDawn Wed 18-Jan-17 12:35:54

He's just replied 'ok'. so didn't get a tirade this time... although that's not to say I won't get a tirade at a random moment between now and tomorrow.

I too avoid having to ask him to do anything. It's exhausting. And unfair. But I suppose that's why Ii'm divorcing the fucker. Still feel sick

Nabootique Wed 18-Jan-17 12:48:23

I imagine you're breathing a bit of a sigh of relief, but there's always the worry that at some point it'll get thrown back in your face, isn't there? In three years I have had to change arrangements twice, whereas he changes them all the time and I don't think he worries about asking for a second.

ANewDawn Wed 18-Jan-17 13:18:09

Yes Nabbotique, no doubt he'll rant and rave about some other demand I make on his time. It's a small sigh of relief for now...

I never realised what kind of person he was really. But now I'm really feeling his wrath because I have the temerity to insist on my own needs now. he hates it.

Thevoiceofreason Wed 18-Jan-17 13:24:32

I get worried about sending emails or texts to XH. Have been putting one together about maintenance payments and keep worrying about what he'll say when he receives it. Or he'll mostly ignore it. Not sure which is worse.

Nabootique Wed 18-Jan-17 13:24:56

Well good for you! I still pander to him and I really shouldn't. I often wonder how he would react if I stood up to him more.

ANewDawn Wed 18-Jan-17 14:18:38

Yes to the ignoring too. Voice - good luck with the email.

The first solicitors letter went down like a lead balloon. He showed his true colours then and pinned me down trying to grab my phone. I'm going to have to send another one soon, filing for divorce. Gulp.

It's really unpleasant. You hear about nasty divorces but you doon;t think you'll ever be in the midst of one

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