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Am I horribly shallow?

(19 Posts)
MyGastIsFlabbered Wed 18-Jan-17 07:33:13

I've been dating a guy for about a month, it was going great, he was attentive, adored me, was kind, good at communicating etc BUT his personal hygiene wasn't that great. Eventually I just couldn't see past it and I've ended it. Am I really shallow or is it a big deal?

blueistheonlycolourwefeel Wed 18-Jan-17 07:34:40

No, it's a big g deal and if it's bothering you in the first month......??

SharingMichelle Wed 18-Jan-17 07:35:10

If it's a big deal to you then it is a big deal. This applies to a lot of things in a relationship.

acornsandnuts Wed 18-Jan-17 07:36:45

I wouldn't have got passed it. If he couldn't make an effort for the first month he would have been rank after the first year.

Did you ever mention it to him? He might not have realized and might have changed if prompted.

understandnothing Wed 18-Jan-17 07:36:53

Did you tell him the reason?

I think if he can't be bothered at the start of the relationship it would only get worse.

Bluntness100 Wed 18-Jan-17 07:40:23

No it's not shallow and it's true that what you wer seeing was probably him at his best, so as the relationship developed he would probably have got worse. Lack of personal hygiene would be an issue for me too.

TheNaze73 Wed 18-Jan-17 07:46:34

You can leave any relationship, at any time, for whatever reason. You are not shallow in the slightest.

I've binned people off for worse offences in my head blush

Good luck in finding someone less pungent & more hygienic

PaterPower Wed 18-Jan-17 07:59:45

If you've binned him already then drop him a note to say why. He may not realise the problem he's got and you'll often find that friends don't want to bring that kind of thing up (although really you'd have hoped his parents would have by now!) You'll be doing him a favour in the long run.

MyGastIsFlabbered Wed 18-Jan-17 07:59:50

I suppose I think it's shallow because he has so many good points but this one thing overshadowed all of them. But he's come to my house after work, sleep with me, go to work in the same clothes as the day before without showering...I shouldn't have to tell an adult that that's not really ok.

BrondeBombshell Wed 18-Jan-17 08:01:05

NO!!! That is not being shallow!
Yuck.

BrondeBombshell Wed 18-Jan-17 08:02:22

Did he smell when you met up early in the evening? the beginning of the evening?

QuiltedAloeVera Wed 18-Jan-17 08:04:02

I thought you were going to say he was 5' 10" and you couldn't go out with anyone under 6'.

Personal hygiene - YANBU. That's grim. (could he be showering/changing when he got to work though?)

Costacoffeeplease Wed 18-Jan-17 08:09:16

I couldn't have sex or even just sleep in the same bed as someone who hasn't showered - grim

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-Jan-17 08:09:43

If you want a good read and lot of laughs about reasons for ending a relationship this thread will make you feel better!
And no, you are not shallow.
It's gross. Yeuk!!!

StartledByHisFurryShorts Wed 18-Jan-17 09:34:44

Oh, I love that threads HellsBells. I'm pretty sure that's the one with the "sex suitcase" guy.

Op, you don't need any reason to dump a guy after a month. If you don't click, you don't click. Doesn't matter how many 'lovely' charateristics you can fit on a pros and cons list.

But FWIW, poor hygiene is not a shallow reason to end things. Even if he isn't a stinky tramp-smelling never-washer, if it grosses you out, that's enough.

I might not be put off by someone going off to work the next day unwashed. If he was clean enough during the date, then what he smells like at work isn't my problem. On the other hand, I would be extremely put off if, say, someone leapt into the shower the moment we'd finished sex rather than enjoying sweaty cuddling.

Hmm. So what I think I'm saying is that you and I shouldn't date MyGast. I think I might be a bit too filthy (not in that way) for you. grin

Good luck with the next one!

StartledByHisFurryShorts Wed 18-Jan-17 09:37:43

And to clarify, when I said "tramp-smelling", I meant "smelling like a tramp" not "goes around sniffing homeless people".

Although, I reckon the second one would also put me off someone a little bit. grin

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-Jan-17 10:02:05

Yes Startled the sex suitcase guy is indeed in that thread.

SwearyGodmother Wed 18-Jan-17 10:07:25

You can leave any relationship, at any time, for whatever reason. You are not shallow in the slightest

This in spades. It's not shallow to not want to be with someone for any reason - what matters to you might not matter to other people but it's not for them to say. It's hardly a choice or conscious decision what we do or don't find attractive so it can't be shallow.

mickyblueyes Wed 18-Jan-17 10:29:50

I was having a really crappy day till I read HellsBells link to the shallow thread..hilarious.

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