Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

To move on and trust or keep bringing it up

(23 Posts)
Aretheseyours33 Tue 17-Jan-17 22:03:28

Sorry for the long subject box

So I meet my bf 2 years ago everythimg was fine till I found out he was txting other women and saying things he really shouldn't the content was awful to read anyway I asked him he denyed it and still does to this day, skip forward 6 months and again I found out he was messaging women again denyed it skip forward again 6 months and I show a message on his phone from some women he said it was for a mate then find this women is now in his phone under a different name. I don't believe he's ever done anything however I do believe he talked to other women I can't believe he won't just tell me I can't move on cause I doubt everything. My little girl from previous relationship loves him to bits which makes this harder
Sorry if it doesn't make sense just getting it out of my head

Heartbrokenagain122 Tue 17-Jan-17 23:04:42

Run away!!!! You've seen it with your own eyes. He wants to have his cake and eat it. He wants the best of both worlds. Don't waste any more time with this low life he is texting other women for god sake and clearly doesn't value you or your little girl. He's lied to your face.

Curtains77 Tue 17-Jan-17 23:22:22

I agree - I know you have invested a lot of your time and love into him but t dies not sound like he is doing the same for you. Go with your gut instinct as it is rarely wrong. Good luck flowers

BumDNC Wed 18-Jan-17 00:16:52

He doesn't respect you. He's done this repeatedly and even knowing it's hurting you he keeps doing it. He's not going to change. You really can do better flowers

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Wed 18-Jan-17 00:20:55

Those are not your only options (move on/keep bringing it up).

You can also just leave him.

Joysmum Wed 18-Jan-17 00:26:44

If he loved and respected you, he'd be mortified he'd hurt you when it happened the first time. He not only could give a shit he's hurt you, he's made it clear his honesty and your hurt is less important to him than the pleasure he gets from texting women.

That's it in a nutshell.

Aretheseyours33 Wed 18-Jan-17 08:33:22

Thanks all
It's so bloody hard doesn't help that he's actually really nice apart from the above but it's a big fault

IsNotGold Wed 18-Jan-17 08:39:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Adora10 Wed 18-Jan-17 12:11:15

Nice? Sounds like he's been cheating on you the whole of your relationship; stop accepting this, it's really awful behaviour; a man texting so many women is probably very likely to have met at least one of them; he's an embarrassment to you, get rid, love yourself more than what he is offering you which is basically scraps of him.

AnyFucker Wed 18-Jan-17 12:13:19

Don't be a mug

You love your little girl, right ? Then be the strong and assertive mummy she deserves. Men like this are shit. He is a liar and a cheat.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu Wed 18-Jan-17 12:15:07

Why do you want to stay with a liar?

Blossomdeary Wed 18-Jan-17 12:19:19

Oh for goodness sake get shot of him - it is beyond belief that women stay with such pillocks.

Happybunny19 Wed 18-Jan-17 12:25:21

Why would you put up with someone looking out for a better offer throughout your entire two year relationship? Doesn't matter if your DC loves him, he's no good for either of you being a cheating liar.

nigelforgotthepassword Wed 18-Jan-17 12:37:00

He isn't nice though is he? Why out yourself through it?
I recently had this in reverse-met a man through work-he started messaging me-we got on really well and arranged to meet for a date.Again all going well, until he told me in the middle of it that he lived with his girlfriend of 6 years (but of course that they haven't been getting in for a year and are very different people hmm).
I had thought he was lovely. he came across so well.But Clearly he was not or he wouldn't have been sitting in the pub with me.
What do you think he is telling these other women he is texting about you and your relationship op? He's not a keeper.

Aretheseyours33 Wed 18-Jan-17 12:50:34

3 failed relationships now honestly think I'm off men for life

nigelforgotthepassword Wed 18-Jan-17 12:58:34

No, you just haven't met the right one yet, or drawn your self strong engine boundaries around things you won't put up with.
Years ago I would have carried on seeing the man in that situation I described. But I've realised that there are things that it doesn't help me to accept-and so I don't anymore. And you can do that too until you end up with someone decent. Or else on your own-but happy on your own, which is better than being miserable with someone else.

nigelforgotthepassword Wed 18-Jan-17 12:58:53

Strong enough. Not strong engine!

Aretheseyours33 Wed 18-Jan-17 13:09:54

It's hard tho really its difficult to pull away when you love someone but there's no trust or anything and I think he knows. Think I need to be stronger

nigelforgotthepassword Wed 18-Jan-17 13:16:17

I hear you.It is hard. But you will get over it, even if it feels like you won't at first. And it's better to take the decision yourself rather than be forced into it by his actions later on.

Aretheseyours33 Wed 18-Jan-17 13:20:31

Thankyou advise taken will deal with this tonight.....the joys

Hissy Wed 18-Jan-17 13:34:33

My love, your issue here was with finding out the first time. When was that? couple of months in? 6 months tops? had you have set the boundary line THEN, you would not be in the position of thinking you are in love and having the thoughts about your DD etc

The fact is that he's cheated on you all the way. The BEST message you have for your DD is to show her that you are worth more than this and that she should never settle for a liar.

I know you struggle with relationships, (been there, done that) but until you set your bar higher, you will keep repeating this cycle. Had your bar been higher, the 3 'failed relationships' would probably should never have even got off the ground in the first place and you would have been available for healthier relationships.

Sometimes we have to do what we need to do, even though it's hard and its not what we WANT to do. Its this time now for you. You are worth more than him, way more!

End it asap, get him out of your life and when your DD is old enough to know, you can tell her that you wanted to be in a relationship with only him, but he was lying to you and had other girlfriends, which isnt acceptable to you.

please be kind to yourself, its the first step to loving the person you are and it helps you set your bar higher so you won't have this kind of chancer in your life again.

Demand better! you're worth it and then some! (((hug)))

Aretheseyours33 Wed 18-Jan-17 14:01:50

Thankyou very much used to have loads of confidence seems to of disappeared time for change abit more of me me and me and little one

Hissy Wed 18-Jan-17 16:30:18

Being with aresholes like him does that to you.

Dump him and spend a bit of time really looking at yourself, and point out to yourself all the good bits about you, things you know you're good at and then keep going.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: