Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Does she want to come home?

14 replies

1DAD2KIDS · 17/01/2017 21:12

To add to my dating priblems I am a bit concerned that my ex wants back home. Her mother often talks to me to check out her stories as she sort of tells so many lies it's hard to know what's truth or lies (don't think she does either to be honest). Anyway her mum told me that "aparently" we had been talking about getting back together. Funny as I can't wait to get the divorce done fast enough. Then the other day she text me out the blue to say she regretted all the things she done. Oddly enough still can't bring her self to say sorry for what she done to me and the kids. Does it sound like she is making a play to come back home?

Sounds like her selfish attitude. The grass wasn't greener, he was a totally lazy user abusive arse. Now she is alone, broke and oddly enough suddenly starting to miss the kids. But was perfectly to drop her kids and a husband that once loved her very much for dick face. I wounder if now she is hitting rock bottom and thinking life back with me and the kids is looking a good option?

If she does want back I will be passed off. The many chances I gave her to come home because we all loved her. I would have forgive her, I just wanted her home safe. And she just didn't give a dam. Now I have change having space from her. I seen how bad she was for me and how I deserved so much more. I feel sorry for her and I get on well with her but I would never have her back. I do not love her any more and want so much more for my self. So it annoys me if only now the penny has dropped for her because it is too late. The door is closed to her. Why could she not have saved our children this heart ache and come back home to us when the door was still open?

OP posts:

Report

1DAD2KIDS · 17/01/2017 21:22

For some reason there is two of these. Please this one.

OP posts:

Report

pallasathena · 18/01/2017 08:03

I think you're probably right. The grass that was greener has very likely turned a nasty, mucky brown and she's testing you to see if she can worm her way back in.
And that way lies madness after everything you've been through.
Stay strong.
Hold onto the anger and let it fuel your determination never to let her back in your life. That's what I did when my ex decided he wanted to try again many years ago now. The anger kept me in balance as did my pride.
Good to have both on side when you're going through this type of pain.
Stay strong.

Report

Gallavich · 18/01/2017 08:10

Yes you're right. It's maddening when a person only realised what they had when it's gone. You sound very switched on.

Report

1DAD2KIDS · 18/01/2017 08:43

I actually don't need anger anymore to stop her come back. I just simply have no desire for her back, not even a weak moment. I see a very bright future ahead and it don't involve her. But is still angers me that she has been so selfish and left it too late. That she could so such a lack of respect to her kids and the man that loved her. That I worried sick about her all that time she was with that horrible man. So it would take the piss if after all this time she wanted back.

She has dropped a couple of hints recently. All I do is not respond or ignore them comments or say things like 'what do is do now'.

Plus it does piss me off that she can never bring her self to apologise. It's always just about how she feels bad.

OP posts:

Report

1DAD2KIDS · 18/01/2017 08:44

What's done is done now*

OP posts:

Report

gamerchick · 18/01/2017 08:49

No don't respond to hints, tell her outright she's not coming back. Don't open anything that might sound there's room for negotiation.

Tell her mother as well.

It might be worth keeping a cool and polite distance with her for the minute. If she's a master manipulator like some people are she'll be looking for a chink in your armour.

Time she knew that she can't always get her own way, it'll be a useful lesson for her to learn it sounds like.

Report

1DAD2KIDS · 18/01/2017 21:39

Yes I think I will just continue to ignore them.

It's funny the last couple of weeks there has been an uplift in her texts to me. Used to maybe be a text once a week how are the kids. Now it's a text once a day asking about the kids. Its sad because maybe she is really starting to miss not having the kids around. I would have been gutted if they live all the way up there with her and not me.

But I won't let me feeling sad for her be a foot in the door. She didn't give much of a hoot about the kids and me when she was with him. She burn her bridges good and proper. It's the saddest thing but it all of her own making.

OP posts:

Report

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 18/01/2017 22:06

Wow ... so you have three potential love interests and in addition your ex may be wanting to patch things up. Things have certainly turned around for you - partly through your positive attitude I would imagine. You are a great example for how some one can turn their life around after the pain of a marriage break up - well done you.

Report

1DAD2KIDS · 19/01/2017 05:55

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad thanks I am just winging it really, just pushing through. If my ex wants to patch things up its only for her own selfish gain I suspect. To go back to a man who loves her and would give her everything. To go back to a nice house, Meals out, trips away. To go back to having someone to shampoo her hair, scrub her back, give her a nice massage, cook her nice meals. Well she's going to have problems because that man isn't there anymore, he gone.

As for the love intrests well I don't know what happen there. I still struggle to believe the situation. But I am a different person these days, move confident than ever before. I am pushing my self too and not hiding in the corner. It's a bit of a crazy ride and I have no idea where it will go.

OP posts:

Report

SandyY2K · 19/01/2017 06:39

To go back to having someone to shampoo her hair, scrub her back, give her a nice massage, cook her nice meals.

Wow. You're a very unique man indeed. What a fool she was to not realise how lucky she was to have you.

Report

1DAD2KIDS · 19/01/2017 20:10

I obviously wasn't good enough for her?

No I joke, I see my self worth more now than ever in my life. She is a strange one my ex. It just amazes me that she never changes. Everything revolves round her selfishness. I don't this she would ever have the audacity to ask me out right to get back with me. So should be ok as long as I keep batting off the little hints. Just hope she never plants such a seed in the kids head. Then I would go mental.

OP posts:

Report

Atenco · 20/01/2017 00:23

I think it would be horribly unsettling for your children if she were to move back in, quite apart from the fact that you are totally over her.

Report

AvaCrowder · 20/01/2017 00:31

Your thread title is quite telling. You want her to want to. I don't blame you. Hope everything works out for the best.

Report

1DAD2KIDS · 20/01/2017 05:34

AvaCrowder not really she is chaos and I feel nothing for her. I would be far happerier her being happy and knowing she has no intention of causing any problems.But as she won't ask directly I wanted to know if other people think she is dropping hints and what they thought the motive behind the story she told her mum. Because if she is thinking this it may affect how I have to handle her in the future.