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I want to leave but my life is such a mess

(11 Posts)
NameChangeNo3 Tue 17-Jan-17 19:59:54

And I don't know how to unpick it.

Been in a LTR of ten years, never married. I have two step DCs who are like my own - if I leave I'll have no legal rights to see them.

I gave up work to let him concentrate on his business - I've looked after his DC since they were tiny. So I have no money coming in.

My DD (not his) is finally settled and won't want to uproot and leave. She also won't want to leave her step siblings. She's had a rough year (family bereavement) and I can't bear to upset her. Nor can I afford to keep the house on my own.

I'm looking for a job at the moment but I guess it'll be a while before I can get a mortgage. That's if anyone will even hire me after five years out of work - interviews so far have been unsuccessful. I can't claim benefits because I own 50% of a disabled relatives house in another city - they can't afford to buy me out (it was an inherited property, low value).

I'm stuck here for the foreseeable. And I'm miserable. I've tried sticking it out for my DD for two years but it's getting progressively worse. No DV or anything like that - I'm just unhappy, we have nothing in common, he takes me for granted, enjoys picking fights over nothing, treats me like I don't matter and I'm fed up of living a half life.

I don't have any family here or friends that I can stay with. I'm totally stuck.

Please tell me this will get better.

Phoebefromfriends Tue 17-Jan-17 21:20:02

This is a really tough one which I suspect will involve some tough choices long term. In the meantime I would focus all efforts on getting paid work, start with signing up to temp agencies they always give good advice on CVs and interview skills, even if you don't work for them in the end. Could you start by volunteering in a school? That way you would get experience which would help your CV.

I think you need some legal advice about the access to the step children and your inheritance. Your situation sounds quite desperate could you move in with the relative or encourage them to move out and sell? Obviously not ideal but the situation is preventing you from moving forwards. How old is DD?

1DAD2KIDS Tue 17-Jan-17 21:30:14

I may get flamed for this but I rather agree in your circumstances you are stuck. I can see you are looking after the intrests of dd. You are not happy but how are things with you and dp? Are they fairly amicable and friendly on a daily basis. This may be a long game to get unstuck. Years of saving and waiting till dd is older. First point of call I would say is concentrate on getting that job and your own money. Most will probably disagree but this may not be one to rush into for everyone's sake. Maybe it is a long term plan to escape?

NameChangeNo3 Tue 17-Jan-17 22:33:41

DD is 13 - she's been CAMHS referred after a severe bereavement reaction so she's delicate although on the mend.

I can't move in with the relative - they live a very long way away so it would just be impossible.

I've signed up for some agencies so fingers crossed.

Things are amicable for the most part - but only because I choose not to fight anymore. I'm even tired of that.

Thank you for the advice. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this - they're all DPs friends as well as mine and I can't put them in a difficult position.

Phoebefromfriends Wed 18-Jan-17 05:55:21

Could you take some courses to improve your skills? you'd also meet other people, you need to build a bigger network of friends. Keep setting small goals and saving money, you will get there but it will take time.

DowhatIwanttodo Wed 18-Jan-17 06:26:28

I would double check your benefits situation to find out what you would be entitled to on your own. Does your inherited property give you an income? If not it might not make a difference. If you don't work and have three children to look after I would think you would be entitled to something.

NameChangeNo3 Wed 18-Jan-17 14:13:57

No, I get no income and relative has no income either aside from disability benefits so they can't afford to buy me out.

I have started a course so I'm concentrating on that and job hunting. Just not coping too well short term

NameChangeNo3 Wed 18-Jan-17 14:14:23

(The only child I have is my DD)

1DAD2KIDS Wed 18-Jan-17 17:46:41

DowhatIwanttodo the house thing does prevent you from housing benefit as it is seen you have a home regardless of income. Like wise if Op was to sell her half of the house she has a stake in it maybe regarded as purposely making her self home less (even though she don't live there in her half of said house). It's not fair always but they try their best to have reasons to stop people claiming the benifits.

debbs77 Wed 18-Jan-17 18:00:18

I agree, concentrate on getting a job and saving up. You could get a rental property, no need for a mortgage and you could get 26 weeks of housing benefit which could give you time to save more for future rent

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 18-Jan-17 22:43:45

Have you considered the possibility that DDs MH problems are worsened by living with her step dad who is emotionally abusing her mum?

I say, go out and get some friends as well as a job.

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