Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Not FWB but not a relationship either

(8 Posts)
user1475253854 Tue 17-Jan-17 15:22:21

Recently I've heard some young women talking (university age - approx 20) about relationships or not having "relationships" and it's got me thinking. So the examples -

1) I met her when she was renting a room so she could stay somewhere for her summer internship. She invited a fellow student to share the room with her (which was fine), helping him out as his internship was also nearby. People presumed he was her boyfriend but she said they weren't in a relationship. It just seemed to me like more than FWB as they discussed evening plans etc with each other and were sharing a room for 6 weeks.

2) Overheard two students on the bus (I was being nosy, but they were talking v loudly!). One was talking about being exclusive with someone and her friend asked if she was worried about him cheating when they were apart over the summer etc. She said she trusted him but also went on to say how it was easier to tell her parents that she was in a relationship with the person, even though she wasn't, as they wouldn't 'get' the situation. Again, to me, it felt more than a fuckbuddy/fwb situation - she discussed visiting his family home etc.

Do I sound really pearl clutching/judgmental? I have had fwb relationships in the past but to me these examples sounded different. Do people of that age just want things to be more casual than older people? Or is it happening more and more across all ages? Or are women just trying to fit in with what men want?

<prepares to be flamed>

InfoFreako Tue 17-Jan-17 15:26:32

Each to their own - everyone's different. As long as everyone's honest and up front with each other. One size doesn't fit all! Never has and never will.

Cheers.

Manumission Tue 17-Jan-17 15:32:21

An awful lot of women post on the relationships board because they are dissatisfied with the FWB situations they are in. Which rather seems to undermine the point.

So for that reason, I'm not fully convinced that they are constitute a wonderful, modern liberation for everyone involved in them.

Manumission Tue 17-Jan-17 15:36:53

It's a bit like the pornification of the culture too. Another thing pressuring women to be a certain thing rather to advocate for the thing THEY want.

Of course if the thing a particular young woman wants (no strings sex, anal sex, hairless body, whatever) happens to be the cool thing, it's all good.

But what about less assertive women wanting less modish things?

TheNaze73 Tue 17-Jan-17 15:53:11

I think at the age of the people you mentioned, a full blown relationship & being tied down, would be the last thing they'd want

user1475253854 Tue 17-Jan-17 16:57:41

That's true TheNaze when I was that age I didn't want a serious relationship.

In theory so long as both parties are clear about what it is or isn't it's fine, I'm just not sure that that's always what happens.

noego Tue 17-Jan-17 20:17:53

I'm well past the student/uni/20's and I don't want a full blown relationship either.
Friends and lovers is fine by me and always will be.

1DAD2KIDS Tue 17-Jan-17 20:38:51

No I don't think this is about women fitting into what men want. There is no one size fits all solution. We have more social liberty than ever to do different flavours of commitment/partners/format. More people are open to new ways of doing things across the age ranges. It's not some kind of male conspiracy or mind control.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now