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I can't shake a crush which is ruining my relationship.

(12 Posts)
weluvu Fri 23-Feb-07 17:07:21

Since last year I have had a huge crush on someone, someone I could never have, someone who isnt even 'real'. It got so bad that it made me start questioning what I want out of life...

My husband noticed I was distant but even though it probably seems like a harmless crush to anyone else it really affected me and I couldn't tell him what was wrong.

I've never even met this person, like I said he isnt even real, it's a character from a movie and we have the DVD's and I watch them all the time, I don't know if its the man I am attracted to (as I don't like him in any other film) or the actual character but I can't get it out of my head, I can't stop thinking about him, I thought it would go away but it hasnt, I don't know what to do, I am questioning my own marriage because of this.

moopymoo Fri 23-Feb-07 17:15:25

What is it about this character that you find attractive? Is it a trait that you think your partner is missing? Or is it pure fantasy/escapism? I sometimes obsess about men in films for a time too, generally when im a bit low, tends to pass though..

doormat Fri 23-Feb-07 17:25:42

think you need to get this fixation right out of your head if it is affecting your marriage

because if you dont you may lose what reality you have left

hermykne Fri 23-Feb-07 17:31:13

weluvu sounds a bit walter mitty like , if its a character then i would tell your husband, god he has nothing to lose. and maybe you could role play!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands Fri 23-Feb-07 17:33:59

Who is he? If you let other similarly afflicted Mumsnetters lust after him with you, maybe it will help you put this into context (which you must!) There are bound to be others, even if it's Rowan Atkinson..

(Not being flippant btw.. it may help!)

Saturn74 Fri 23-Feb-07 17:37:04

You need to speak to your husband if you have a crush on a fictional character that is so strong that you are questioning your marriage.

kittylette Fri 23-Feb-07 17:37:32

i go through phases of fancying different famous people too but for me its just down to 'daytime boredom' and a bit of fun, it doesnt affect my relationship though and i think you may be taking it a bit far if your fantasys are affecting your real life relationships,

as you said this person 'isnt real' - he doesnt know you, and never will, so concentrate on the real man in your life!

who is it by the way??

NAB3 Fri 23-Feb-07 17:39:54

Been there with an ex. Quit it. It isn't worth the fall out!!!

weluvu Fri 23-Feb-07 19:38:06

The man is Jack Sparrow...go on, have a good laugh

On a serious note, I can't get 'him' out of my head and I'e been like this for over a year now, I think I am missing something from my "real" life which is probably causing it...or not helping at least.

NotQuiteCockney Fri 23-Feb-07 19:40:36

Hmmm, I don't think Jack Sparrow is a particularly weird imaginary crush type person.

That being said, it sounds like this crush is causing you some real problems. Is therapy an option?

kittylette Fri 23-Feb-07 19:49:51

well he is hot as hell, not that it helps the situation,

but you have to realise nothing will come of it, even if Johnny Depp turned up at your house - HES not even him really, there is no Jack, so you really have to get over it

do you still fancy your DP? do you feel attracted to him?

i get a bit silly like this sometimes, i admit. theres a fighter i really like at the moment, and when i see pics of him with his girlfriend i get jealous! lol

but in your case i think it might be an actual problem for you and your DP if you are feeling so strongly about it

DumbledoresGirl Fri 23-Feb-07 19:53:39

I often have crushes on fictional characters, either on tv or films or books. What I do is harness the attraction to help me feel receptive to dh. If you can do that, there is no harm in the crush. But if this is really showing you something your dh is lacking, then you need to address that. It would only be fair to talk to your dh to give him a chance to try to make you see him differently.

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