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was this rape?

(22 Posts)
aquamarina100 Tue 17-Jan-17 14:57:50

Deep down I think I know but I would like others opinions on this situation.

Around 2 weeks after having dc I was naked after coming out of the bath. I was on the bed and have just finished breastfeeding dc.

My oh comes in and starts groping me. I told him I didn't want to. He continued and started trying to enter me from behind. I said no and pushed him off at least twice. I stopped pushing him off and let him enter me. It was very painful, he want gentle at all, I was audibly grimacing in pain.

At a point maybe 10 minutes in he asked if he should stop. I said he might as well finish now. He did.

After he kept asking if I was ok, and telling me he loved me. I pretended to be ok but it was obvious that I wasn't.

Was this rape?

namechange20050 Tue 17-Jan-17 15:03:30

Yes it was. Your husband is a discusting excuse for a man. I hope you are ok.

Iris65 Tue 17-Jan-17 15:05:33

You said no. You pushed him off twice. You say that 'deep down you know.'
I have had similar experiences and would describe them as rape.
I am sorry.

Boofeckinghoo Tue 17-Jan-17 15:06:09

I was audibly grimacing in pain.

And he carried on despite you saying no. I'm sorry but yes, that's rape. flowers

SparklingRaspberry Tue 17-Jan-17 15:18:55

Oh dear OP sad

It certainly sounds like rape, yes.

Even if you had consented the very first time he tried it, the fact he continued despite you being in obvious pain is disgusting. Why would you continue having sex with somebody when it was hurting them? Why would you even try to have sex with someone 2 weeks after giving birth when they've already told you no?

xStefx Tue 17-Jan-17 15:22:19

OP , can I ask. Did you post a few weeks ago about something similar he did? Perhaps you should tell him what he did , how it made you feel? What kind of man is he are you able to talk to him?

Blossomdeary Tue 17-Jan-17 15:22:57

So when did this happen? Are you still with this person?

aquamarina100 Tue 17-Jan-17 15:59:51

Xstefx I'm not sure if that was me, I posted about 3 months ago about something else and I think this was mentioned...I did try to talk to him, but recent events make it clear to me he hasn't taken it on board/understood.

This happened 6 months ago, I am still with this person.

user1483804139 Tue 17-Jan-17 17:21:48

Certainly rape. Not sure what you can do but the fact he carried on with no regards for your feelings when he could obviously hear you in pain means he has scant regard or respect for your feelings. I'd be kicking him out

YouHadMeAtCake Tue 17-Jan-17 17:25:01

It was and he is revolting. DC or not, I would leave. I'm so sorry OP.

Ilovecaindingle Tue 17-Jan-17 17:28:02

Sorry you also went through this. My exh did get same. I took my wedding ring off the next day and knew our marriage was over. It took me 2 years to leave - I knew sharing the kids with such a control freak would be awful.

OSETmum Tue 17-Jan-17 17:28:28

Yes it is and he knows it.

debbs77 Tue 17-Jan-17 18:13:34

2 weeks after giving birth and he forced himself on you? You poor woman

Slimmingsnake Tue 17-Jan-17 18:17:45

Get to yr doctor for an internal check up..he could of done some damage...

Slimmingsnake Tue 17-Jan-17 18:20:10

Also,what an awful thing to happen,2 weeks after giving birth.with baby at yr god what an awful so sorry for you

SaorAlbaGuBrath Tue 17-Jan-17 18:22:41

OP I am so sorry, yes it was rape. My XH did it to me just after I'd had DS. I never forgave him. flowers

anxious84 Tue 17-Jan-17 18:56:00

Yes, I'm sorry, it certainly was.

My ex did this several times and like you, I questioned whether or not it was really rape, because I gave in eventually and he didn't hold me down etc.

It messes with your head, because deep down, you know exactly what's happened, but then all goes back to "normal" and you get on with life and convince yourself this is just what happens...

OP, it isn't.

He knew he didn't have your consent. He knew he was hurting you and all the I love yous afterwards are just proof of that. He either felt guilty, or worried you'd accuse him of exactly what he just did. Probably both.

You need to leave at least. Report if you feel you can.


JK1773 Tue 17-Jan-17 22:45:26

Yes it was. You poor thing. What a disrespectful, disgusting man. You will never forget this and he knows that. I hope you have the strength to do what you know you should and leave him, you won't ever trust him again. Big hugs

Catherinebee85 Tue 17-Jan-17 22:50:31

Yes its rape and I'm so sorry you had to go through this. My ex did the same a few times so although I didn't have any babies to him I sort of understand how you may feel. He knows you didn't want to. He showed no consideration to your rights or your feelings and that shows the ultimate disrespect and disregard for you and your wellbeing.
For me it was totally unforgivable and I left my ex very soon after it happened.

aquamarina100 Thu 19-Jan-17 10:50:59

Its happened many times, but for some reason it clicked that time that it wasn't right. Probably because every man must know its normal to not want sex so soon and they should be gentle.

He has a habit of sulking if I say no, then trying again, then sulking on repeat until I give in. Then its all the "are you ok?" And "I love you".

He recently said I just lie there during sex, I said I only just lie there when I've told you I don't want to. He just said that wasn't true..

I want to make plans to leave but I know he will make it so hard for me do so and will turn really nasty.

aquamarina100 Thu 19-Jan-17 10:52:53

I'm sorry for all of you have been through this too.

Ajaysmith Thu 01-Feb-18 18:35:57

Rape convictions are 21% lower than all other criminal convictions (Office for National Statistics). False reports account of 4% of complaints (Home Office). Case collapse accounts for 0.15% per total prosecutions. However, there is still an assumption by the general public that the majority of victims lie. Those genuine victims complaining of rape, who are brave enough to enter the stand, where evidence is unequivocal, are then let down by juries still subscribing to rape myths. Please help address this weakness by signing this petition.

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