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Counselling I guess it gets worst before it gets better right ?

(19 Posts)
Newbrummie Tue 17-Jan-17 11:08:49

Booked in, had first session today and frankly I've never felt worse.
Opened up a lot of stuff that frankly I felt was better parked under a rock.
Total conflict about how to do the right thing for everyone else v's be happy yourself. What if there simply is no way of achieving both ?
Has anyone else hit this wall ... what did you do ?

ghostwatch Tue 17-Jan-17 12:57:31

It can be painful to begin with as you are opening old wounds but that needs to happen and is all part of the healing process ! One of the reasons people feel bad is because we keep bad stuff in and avoid it. I promise you that at the end of the course you will feel so much better and be advising Everyone else to have counselling even if they don't need it.

Newbrummie Tue 17-Jan-17 13:14:19

lol I hope you're right. I suppose the thing for me is that I can't "do" anything about it, it's all very well discussing it but if you can't change it it feels a bit self destructive digging it up

ErnieAndBernie Tue 17-Jan-17 13:18:52

Was this personal counselling or joint counselling? Some more context may help us give advice.
For what it is worth have had courses of both and they both helped tremendously. But I had 2 counsellors I got on with and quite a few session with each.

Newbrummie Tue 17-Jan-17 13:45:51

No it's just me.
I think what's wrong with me is that I take too much to heart and things upset me that others would just brush off and I do have trust issues I know that.
But they aren't unfounded ones if that makes sense. Everyone I have ever put my faith in has shat on me from a great height so it's not as though I feel the world is against me or anything ... just the people I've loved

Newbrummie Tue 17-Jan-17 13:46:39

The counsellor seems lovely, very well qualified etc, I came out feeling sorry for her

Christmasnoooooooooooo Tue 17-Jan-17 17:27:20

What I learn though couselling is everything is connected . You feel x because y happen. If you don't want feel x again you can change how you react or you come to terms with feeling x when y happens because you do the same thing over again and over again . You learn to come to terms with your life or to change it it up to you . We get a better understanding of our self and why we did/do things .

junebirthdaygirl Tue 17-Jan-17 19:03:43

Counselling can be very painful but it's like an operation when the pain has to be endured to get better. I found l was often very down after the session but gradually as the week went on l felt better than when l started counselling. I often felt very angry when l came out and was afraid l was going backwards. But this stuff needs to come. Stick with it. Remember when you go back next week you can discuss with her how you felt afterwards. Try and put stuff to one side saying l will deal with that in counselling and not allow it to steal my peace now.

marmitegirl01 Tue 17-Jan-17 20:00:01

Very painful process. I cried and cried. She must have despaired at me at times. But gradually things became clearer, I started to be kinder to myself and one day I didn't cry anymore. Push through it is worth it. I will definetely do on and off for rest of my life I think. May need a top up soon!😔X

Bluetrews25 Tue 17-Jan-17 20:24:27

<corny cliche alert>
When you're going through hell, keep going.
Stick with it, give it a good chance to help - you're worth it. flowers

ICESTAR Wed 18-Jan-17 13:47:37

My first one left me feeling so exposed and vulnerable. And tainted somehow....

And now? My life has changed for the better. Please persevere x

Newbrummie Wed 18-Jan-17 15:23:35

How has it changed things? I genuinely am struggling to see the point if I'm honest just on the basis that I cannot change other people just my reaction to their behaviour which always has and always will be to cut them dead. Age has helped me to stop the behaviour I won't accept earlier but the outcome is the same.

MiscellaneousAssortment Wed 18-Jan-17 15:23:46

Tell the counsellor how this session made you feel, and ask her/him to be mindful that opening up is very hard to do and although needs to happen, needs to be managed carefully as you cannot be left so vulnerable you can't cope in between sessions.

I had a lovely and skilled counsellor who took things slowly and was careful to help close off some of the stuff before finishing the session, and picking the scabs very slowly and manageably.

Newbrummie Wed 18-Jan-17 15:24:40

I know it's my reaction, I totally understand that. So now I don't react, I can't see what more I can do really ?

TheSparrowhawk Wed 18-Jan-17 15:27:17

There will be a reason why people you love end up treating you so badly. Either you're not seeing the signs of them being horrible soon enough, or you're attracted to people who treat you badly. So what will change is that you will start to understand the patterns in your relationships so you don't repeat them over and over.

Newbrummie Wed 18-Jan-17 15:29:34

TheSparrowhawk - it's definitely both of those things which I truely feel I can identify now and have removed those people.
I didn't sit there crying I had steam coming out of my ears with pure rage tbh, not particularly helpful given nothing can actually be done about it.

TheSparrowhawk Wed 18-Jan-17 15:31:14

You can deal with that rage, for one thing.

You've identified people from the past and removed them, but do you feel confident that you can form healthy relationships with people in the future?

Newbrummie Wed 18-Jan-17 15:34:15

I didn't have to "deal" with any rage until the subject came up. That's my point day to day this stuff doesn't affect or bother me. I don't want it to start

TheSparrowhawk Wed 18-Jan-17 15:36:49

Clearly the rage was there though. And it will have been affecting you, even if you weren't aware of it.

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