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What is love?

(16 Posts)
BabyDontHurtMeNoMore Tue 17-Jan-17 03:16:17

A bit deep I know but...

How do you know that you're 'in love' with your DP/DH/DW?

I'm due to get married towards the end of the year and having a bit of a wobble but I'm not sure that it's a 'real' wobble or whether I'm just confused by the media's portrayal of 'love'?

I'm a very logical person, not hugely emotional, I hardly ever cry for example so that might be a big part of this(?).


- I deeply care for DP....if he is hurt/upset it makes me feel sad (and I generally don't have a lot of empathy so that's a big deal to me)
- My life would be much worse without him in lots of ways: I'd miss him, I'd be lonely and I'd be scared that I wouldn't find someone who is as lovely as he is
- I don't feel like I 'couldn't live without him' though; I was single for six years before him so know that if for any reason things were to end I'd be okay in the end
- He has lots of lovely qualities
- That being said I'm very aware of his imperfections....he can drone on about certain topics, he's quite naive/sheltered compared to me and a bit of a nerd
- However I'm also very aware that I am just as imperfect in different ways

He is completely different to the guys I dated before him (they were usually charming, successful and total arseholes). Sometimes I miss the excitement/charm/spark of the guys I used to date but mainly I know that my DP is good for me and while I don't feel excited, I do feel safe and content.

Depending on my mood I both love the thought of being with him forever and it also terrifies me. The terrifying part being that it means my life is more 'set' and therefore less 'exciting'. However presumably this is what maturing is about, becoming a stable family unit ready for children?

Is this love?

Am I missing something that people in songs talk about or is that just a total fantasy?

Is this similar or different to how you feel about your partner?

BabyDontHurtMeNoMore Tue 17-Jan-17 06:22:23

Bumping for the morning crowd

TheNaze73 Tue 17-Jan-17 08:58:07

I think love means something different to everyone.

I'm male & fir he it means:

I'd run through a brick wall to help them.
After myself & my children, they are the most important person in my life
I fancy the arse off of them
In a crisis, or when I have news, good or bad, they're my "go to" person

It's very hard to define. Think you have a lot of thinking to do OP. Sounds like you're missing excitement

noego Tue 17-Jan-17 09:31:19

If you rely on someone to make you happy, secure, safe, wanted and feel attractive then I wouldn't class that as love. It's more of a need on your part.

For me love is a real deep spiritual connection with them. Does it mean I live with them? Want to marry them? Absolutely not.

user1483804139 Tue 17-Jan-17 09:41:23

You just kinda know. You're not interested in having your head turned by anyone else. If you feel like you're missing something then that's a bit of a concern but also, the grass isn't always greener. It sounds like you have a lovely partner. Only you know if you love him. If you suddenly lost him how would you feel?

May50 Tue 17-Jan-17 16:23:08

Interesting question. I was actually thinking of asking that today as I don't think I know what love is for a DP. I love my children, so much, I would sacrifice my life to save theirs without hesitation. I have unconditional love for them. But DP. I recently separated from my DP after years of the love being eroded. But was it love to begin with? I suppose love is being devastated at the thought of something happening to them (as I would be for my DC), love would be doing things to make them happy, not expecting anything in return? Putting them before you? With me I used to be heading home smiling to myself , thinking of seeing him when I got home, and cheering up at the thought - by the end of the relationship I was dreading even coming home, or my heart sunk if he for some reason wasn't going out on one of his usual nights out. I would love to experience love, but I think you have to be happy and love yourself first before you can love someone else. That's my next goal.

pallasathena Wed 18-Jan-17 10:41:00

I think love is a deep connection. Its a connection that's on a different vibration for different people in your life.
There's the almost spiritual connection between proper equals in a marriage and the deep bond between a mother and her child. There's the complicated connection between yourself and your parents/siblings and the unconditional connection you have for family and close friends.
There's the love you have for a hobby/sport/ job/career/place/country and the deep knowing, that you are meant to be where you are with the person you're with.
Its complicated!

wantmorenow Thu 19-Jan-17 20:27:00

I had an old thread on here about the concerns I had about my relationship with my BF who in his words 'didn't do love'. I nearly walked away but didn't thank God. He doesn't say it but he still treats me beautifully. Love to him is a verb not a feeling. He makes the morning coffee every time I stay with him, recently trudged around 4 different supermarkets looking for a particular shampoo for my daughter after asking did I need anything whilst he was out shopping rather than disappoint me and not get it, cuts the rind off my bacon before putting it in the sandwich because I hate fat and popped to my house in his lunchtime to wash my bin out when it was maggoty even though he doesn't live with me. He says he doesn't feel love or do emotions but he anticipates my needs and meets them and when I get all mushy and emotional and thankful he just says 'yes dear' and we laugh.

If that's not love than I don't know what is. I say it to him though not often anymore as it makes him a tad uncomfortable. I show my love by ironing his shirt for work when I stay over as he hates ironing, planning our meals more often than him because he hates food shopping unless he has a list, letting him choose the films because I'll watch most stuff and he's fussier and by being sensitive to his introvert nature and not pressurising or expecting him to do social or family stuff with my kids or friends because it overwhelms him although he would if I asked him to rather than disappoint us.

I know I love him because even his worst/least attractive qualities are totally okay. I drive him nuts too with some of my idiosyncrasies/bad habits but he doesn't ever get cross or make me feel judged. After 2.5 years it's comfortable and he's my favourite person to spend time with still.

noego Thu 19-Jan-17 20:44:18

Pure love is indescribable. You can put as many labels or adjectives to it as you want but in reality it cannot be described. It is after all a feeling that one experiences.

3perfectweemen Thu 19-Jan-17 23:18:40

I consider dh and i to be inlove. He said if he had tp save me or him it would be me because he would hate our kids to be without me. He always puts me before himself with important things (although when it comes to food he puts himself first 😂 ) i woke one night and he was kissing my hand, i dont kno why but i felt really special to him.
I love him because i always put him first. I couldnt imagine life without him, i would be devastated if anything happened him.
Sounds soppy but we are best friends above all else.

3perfectweemen Thu 19-Jan-17 23:20:57

Oh and he is gorgeous in my eyes. I hold him on a pedastal

wideboy26 Thu 19-Jan-17 23:28:46

Does the fact that you're with him give you a nice warm feeling inside when you think about it? When you are apart, does the thought of him give you that same nice warm feeling? Those are 2 signs of love. I've been married 40 years and I still get that feeling. It's not boring if you are with the person you want to be with; it's been a journey of discovery for me and the next discovery (I hope) is going to be grandparenthood.

Emboo19 Fri 20-Jan-17 00:08:28

To me it's like coming home! He's the one person I think really gets me and me him, there's a connection, both physical and mentally. I want him, crave him even! Not just for sex but his touch his voice, everything.
I feel the most like myself, my real self when I'm with him. I don't feel I need to hide anything or act a certain way. We can be completely silent and I feel content. We can talk for hours about anything and everything.
When something's not right with us, I feel it like a gap or a break that needs fixing somehow.

Takealeafoutofyourownbook Fri 20-Jan-17 01:49:30

Wow I love this thread 😍

Frankelly66 Fri 20-Jan-17 04:23:13

When I have my wobbles, I am reminded by how excited I get when he texts or rings me. He's the only person I'd risk texting and driving for and I get excited when I know he's on his way home. We have fights, he drives me insane, occasionally my head turns at a hot guy maybe once a year but I am so confident that I absolutely don't want anyone else. I couldn't even flirt with another man. Course I have periods where I wish it was early stages passion but is what it is!

LellyMcKelly Sat 21-Jan-17 08:28:47

I think about him a lot, he makes me happy, I feel amazing when I'm with him, I love being close to him. He makes me feel energised and relaxed and protected and secure. He still gives me butterflies - I want to have sex with him a lot. He makes me feel really loved.

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