I've never had a particularly close relationship with my mum and I have often wondered how on earth she managed to pop out us three kids as she is the least maternal person.
But We've muddled along, we all have kids now and she treats us all similarly.
Two of us live close by and one sibling lives a decent drive away.
Mum always bleats on that it'd be better if they were closer and how lonely they must be but my sibling knows, we all do, that she wouldn't see them any more often than she does now. After the last pester session I spoke on the phone to my sibling and they said "why the hell would I uproot my kids for so little gain, if I moved back she'd just ignore me like she does you"
My parents don't do babysitting. I ask for big things like wedding invites but no day to day stuff as they just say no. They are fully retired and literally do sweet FA. She has no hobbies. Dad goes to football but only home matches. My mum won't even walk her dogs, dad does it. She drives to the corner shop (less than 5 min walk) mid 60s. Fit, no ailments.
But. Recently my marriage broke up. I told them over two weeks ago in person. They were at best .... meh ... but did the whole ring us if you ever need anything, we'll be there.
That was the last time I spoke to them. They haven't enquired about me, the kids, my plans, my situation ..... AT ALL. They've just gone back to ignoring my existence.
What I'm asking is, what do I do? Is this common? What would you do if your daughter turned up in floods of tears and told you her world was about to implode? Could you go back to your OK magazine like she'd just told you a bit of mundane crap? I'm at a loss.
At the moment I'm just ticking the days off, currently 16, wondering if I make the first move or see just how long it takes for them to remember they have a daughter in crisis.
I'm on the brink of telling them to fuck the fuck off but the fact is, I'm soon to be a divorced single mother of multiple children.
I have good friends, who are fabulous, and am on decent terms with STBXH and in laws.
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Relationships
If you have grown up daughters who are married, can I ask a question please?
Krap · 16/01/2017 17:23
Ivy, what part of any of my op did I put that I was a bad mother to my own children or ignored their needs 
thanks for that. I really don't need a lecture right now.
I'm very much the opposite as I'd hate for them to have the view of me that I have of my mum.
Not the mum but the daughter.
My mum once drove through the night to be with me because I called her in tears over practically nothing.
I had a 3 month old baby and a sinus infection with a fever. I had somehow made it through the day when dh came home from work with a fever and went straight to bed. Even though I am a grown woman I just called my mum and cried 
.
She was there by 3am and stayed for a few days until I was up and about.
I am sorry your parents are shit but if you have great friends, stbx and pil I would invest in these relationships instead.
Honestly? Mine would tell me that it wasn't as bad as her divorce and that she's very ill you know and that the stress of this news might make her even more ill...guess why we're nc
Op, I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time and I'm sorry that it appears your parents don't give a toss, it's hard dealing with stuff on your own and some support goes a long way, I hope there are other good people around you that you can lean on
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My Mum isn't cold and I love her very much but she has never helped with kids or been very supportive when it comes to divorces etc. She says re the kids that she "doesn't want to interfere" as apparently her Mother did and it made her very upset; personally I see this as an excuse to do bugger all with her grandchildren.
One of my sisters lives abroad and got married abroad, Mum didn't go over for the wedding, because . . . um? When DSis's DH died suddenly I had to bully Mum to go over to visit with us. She could have gone straight away to be with DSis and be at the funeral (we couldn't, I had a young baby and he didn't have a passport) but there was no way she was going to do that. She thinks DSis "understands" but she bloody doesn't. We went over as soon as we got DS's passport, and I am proud that I made DM come with us when we went because otherwise her and DSis's relationship would probably be over - she is oblivious to this! DM kept going on about how upset she was, as if everyone else wasn't . . . she had lost her son in law, and everyone, including my sister who had just lost her husband, needed to make allowances for her.
But for all that she is warm and loving and I do love her loads.
I was took to hospital in emergency circumstances whilst pregnant and mum said she couldn't come yet as she had a pie in the oven.
How sad 
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