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Should I call my ex?

(26 Posts)
sleepingkoala Mon 16-Jan-17 14:03:48

I had been a 5 months no contact with my ex apart form I had to reply to some emails about bills etc. but I didn't talk about anything else and kept it business like. A couple of weeks ago he randomly calls me out of the blue. I let it ring out because I was surprised and didn't know what to do. I eventually decide to text him back 4 days later asking what's up. He replied saying he just wanted to see how I'm doing. I said 'good thanks u?'. He said okay and mentioned about some minor issue he has. I just said 'oh ok well good luck.' Then a couple of hours later he writes again asking if I'm still doing my this creative hobby of mine (I'm paranoid to specify what in case someone sees this but it's just something standard and normal) and saying how he thinks it's really really good. I didn't really know what to say as I felt kinda weird about talking to him again.

You see he broke up with me, no explanation at first for days just left. He eventually gave me a small explanation begrudgingly but then carries on ignoring me. I messaged him a month later asking how he was and just making light conversation. The goes on for a little bit but the ball was left in his court. that was 5 months ago. So I just feel kinda weird messing him back and forth now as I feel like he's not interested and I'm a creep/desperate again or something. Anyway so fast forward back to the other week and I didn't reply until a week later. I just thought I'd better respond but I didn't want to carry on the conversation really. So I said 'not really. anyway i'm glad you're okay'.... And then I mentioned some boring stuff to do with bills etc. to assure him again I'm sorting it out. So it was pretty clear it was the end of the conversation really although I tried my best not to rude at the same time. So two weeks later and I haven't heard anything from him.

I'm now wondering,

Did I come across too rude and stand offish that it's hurt/annoyed him?

Or was it not even what I said and how long I took replying that would have been why he hasn't contacted me again?

It's just messing with my head and making me think maybe he's annoyed and I should call him?

If I'm honest I do kinda want him back as I still love him. But I dunno. I just want him to call me again really to satisfy my curiosity more than anything so I can just move on after that. As the fact he tried to call but we haven't actually spoken on the phone and only had the briefest text exchange feels kinda like loose ends or something is making me think of him again. So I am actually considering calling him even though I don't want to. Just so I can stop thinking about it. But I don't want to be the one to call. I can't handle the anxiety. I want him to call me but I know he won't any time soon and I'm sick of hoping he'll call again like i was before.

Adora10 Mon 16-Jan-17 14:07:26

You really need to go no contact now OP, believe me if he wanted another chance he'd be asking, especially when he ended it, as for you being rude, how fucken rude was he when he ignored you for ages?

I think you are over thinking it and giving it far too much head space; get busy, find things to take your mind off and stop reading too much into it; perhaps he just felt bored and knows he has you on a string.

Milklollies Mon 16-Jan-17 14:08:33

Run for the hills and go nc

Tenshidarkangel Mon 16-Jan-17 14:27:41

When you're unsure the best thing to do is nothing. Go NC. it's just frying your head. If he can't even show you the respect to inform you why he's ending it, sod that.

TheNaze73 Mon 16-Jan-17 14:30:17


hellsbellsmelons Mon 16-Jan-17 16:00:58

Did I come across too rude and stand offish that it's hurt/annoyed him?
Who gives a shit?
He dumped you and you owe him absolutely nothing.
Stop contacting him.
Block, ignore. delete.
Move on!

VivDeering Mon 16-Jan-17 16:16:45

I don't think that you came across as rude and stand-offish. I think you came across as potentially available.


Anonymoususer1938 Mon 16-Jan-17 17:00:18

Your reply doesn't sound rude at all. In fact it sounds very polite. You said you were glad he was ok. I think it's fine to leave it on that note and if he really wants to get back in touch because he misses you he will try a bit harder. I don't think your reply would put him off.
I don't know the full circumstances of your break up/relationship so I'm not going to join the chorus of people who say block him etc. Perhaps you both can rekindle your relationship...I don't know. What I do know is that as he was the one who broke up with you, and in a cold way, the onus is on him to try a lot harder then that to win you back.
I would certainly not initiate any more contact with him now if I were you.

Lweji Mon 16-Jan-17 17:04:11

If you had replied fuck off, it wouldn't have been too rude.

He's either on an ego trip or the grass wasn't greener.
Either way, keep no contact.

ImpetuousBride Mon 16-Jan-17 17:08:29

He broke up with you - and with no explanation , you SHOULD be rude! Or no contact anyway... Contrary to the other suggestions I think he very well may be trying to reel you back in. Perhaps he doesn't like/know how to apologise and is embarrassed and regrefful. So he involves you with small talk, asking how you are, etc. I had an ex like this once, who was awful as a boyfriend but once separated would act friendly and considerate.

BonnyScotland Tue 17-Jan-17 17:38:12

TBH you did great OP....... very good... now stay NC x

noego Tue 17-Jan-17 20:13:06

Do not get involved. Stay NC. I've been NC for 5 years. It works believe me.

sleepingkoala Wed 18-Jan-17 15:30:39

Thanks everyone. It may not seem like it by how I'm still feeling but the replies so far have been helpful anyway...

But omg I can't stop thinking about calling him still. I want to call him. But I have too much anxiety to do it. I wish he would just call me. Regardless of whether I should or not, do you think it would seem really desperate or weird if I did? What would he think? thanks.

sleepingkoala Wed 18-Jan-17 15:33:02

The reason why I can't stop thinking of calling him is I'm thinking he might feel dejected by me being pretty short with him so I want to check how he is and if I upset him and just to satisfy my curiosity. but I don't want it to make me feel worse obviously.

JournosAreLazy Wed 18-Jan-17 15:33:42

Don't call him. I think his messages were him just throwing a hook to see if you're still interested in him and once he knows you are he'll disappear again. This is all about his ego and nothing else.

I'd stay strong and remain NC if you can. You've done really well so far

JournosAreLazy Wed 18-Jan-17 15:36:22

Why are you worried about him feeling dejected? He broke up with you with no explanation. He wasn't too concerned about you feeling dejected at the time was he? It's a person's right to break up with someone but at least provide a reason and do it in a nice manner - which he didn't.

Offred Wed 18-Jan-17 20:29:22

So.... he broke up with you with no explanation? Now he's calling and trying to initiate chit chat?

I would read this as he left you for someone else who he has now broken up with and he is chucking a few hooks out to see if you are still ready to jump to his tune.

He has been rebuffed. If he is feeling in any way dejected it is because he decided to use you for an ego boost post break up and it hasn't worked... yet!

Please don't call him!

user1471520735 Wed 18-Jan-17 23:12:20

Please elaborate on this creative hobby. I think this would help in my advice to you

MiMiMaguire Wed 18-Jan-17 23:52:10

If you call him you are handing him so much power, he knows he's got you whenever he wants you.. So what the rush for him, why not shop around a bit while having a fall back girl..meanwhile you're sitting there watching the phone feeling like shit.

And even if he did want you back you should be making him jump through hoops, not worrying about how everything you do is affecting him.

OhBlissOhJoy Wed 18-Jan-17 23:56:14

He was bored and wanted some attention. Move on OP.

Fanciedachange17 Wed 18-Jan-17 23:59:32

Clutching at straws my lovely. He will keep hurting you if you keep allowing it. Nc is the way to go. He's fishing and most certainly isn't dwelling on things to the extent you are. You've been dignified and polite. Now carry on being cool and find something to take your mind off him. You're stronger than you think.

LellyMcKelly Thu 19-Jan-17 00:07:31

If he wanted to be with you he'd be with you. He hasn't asked to see you, he hasn't phoned you, he hasn't told you how much he's missed you. You have a couple of half hearted texts which he probably made what he was drunk or wearing a pair of socks you bought him or heard a song that made him a bit nostalgic. Go NC and find someone who'll treat you properly.

Cricrichan Thu 19-Jan-17 00:21:02

Ignore the idiot. He must know he hurt you and he's no intention of getting back together with you. He's probably at a loose end so thought he'd stir some embers. What a cock.

So yes, ignore and get on with your life and don't waste anymore thoughts on him.

MW712 Thu 19-Jan-17 07:49:01

ego boost for him at best. Looking for a quick shag at worst. It will be somewhere on that not very appealing scale.

Let it go and move on.

Anonymoususer1938 Thu 19-Jan-17 08:19:32

If you were an alcoholic and he was a drink what your thinking now would be the equivalent to 'I'm only having the one to be sociable' or 'I know I shouldn't but you can't have a curry without a beer' etc.
Basically constructing an excuse to have a drink, which is the exact thing an alcoholic shouldn't be doing.
It's sounds like this relationship is bad for your mental health.
For that reason alone you shouldn't make that call and try with every ounce of strength to let go and move on.
As Churchill said 'When the going gets tough keep going'

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