Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Am I reading too much into this?(63 Posts)
I'm in a relatively new relationship of a few months. DP has never given me any reason not to trust him but there is just this one girl I see all the time popping up on his Facebook and Twitter, they like each others posts and they talk alot on Twitter, nothing that has lead me to be suspicious until yesterday.
DP is currently abroad and he has had an article published in a magazine while he has been away. He had asked me to buy a copy for him, fair enough. Then this girl posted on social media saying I've received a mission from ........ (Where my partner is) then a couple of hours later posted a photo of his article with the caption ready for you when you get back.
This has lead me to think they talk outside of what I see on social media as until she posted yesterday there has had been no mention of his article on social media for her to otherwise know about it and the way she put 'mission recieved' he has obviously asked her to go and buy it.
I haven't said anything to him about it, he doesn't know I can see her posts as I'm not friends with her but she has a public profile.
From her previous posts I can see they have been on days out together, they share a hobby and have been to events together with regards to that but nothing else from what I can see.
Although last weekend she posted she was bored and he commented come out to .........(where he is) for the weekend. I thought it was a joke but maybe it wasn't?
Not sure if I'm loosing some clarity and reading too much into this or if it's something that needs addressing.
As far as I know she isn't aware I am in a relationship with him, there is no mention of me on any of his social media and alot of his recent posts he gets in there that he is alone abroad.
I keep thinking that if this was a guy he was taking to I wouldn't have a problem with it but because it's a girl I do, is this unfair? He isn't cheating on me as before he went away we spent too much time together for him to be seeing anyone else and she doesn't live locally, are they just friends or is it more than that? We are early forties if that bares any resemblance.
I should also add she is single and of a similar age
I would stop looking at her social media and focus on having a nice time with your boyfriend. It's easy to read meaning into things and find problems where there aren't any. If he's posting on social media he must be aware that you can see it. I wouldn't worry about not having met his friends/having an 'official status' etc just yet.
When you say he often posts that he's alone abroad - is it because he's alone abroad?
And if they were in touch outside of social media, isn't this okay? They are friends. I get that the 'mission received' stuff is a bit annoying (and honestly slightly cringe on both their parts) but I don't think it's worth a discussion. Just ignore it!
Try to not let this get out of hand - insecurity/jealousy isn't attractive. I'd just give your relationship a chance to develop before 'addressing things'.
Talk to him about it. If you can't do that, then you have a bigger problem than another woman.
They must be planning to see each other when he gets back if he asked her to buy the article. I think it's a bit suspicious. Guys don't realise our stalking abilities lol. But in saying that, how serious are you? In grand scheme of things 2 months isn't long... I'm not knocking your relationship at all, but I know a lot of couples go through issues as to agreeing when they believed they were exclusive. My gut feeling is they were/are FWB. I had a guy friend who we acted like a couple but as soon as one of us had a partner we would be normal (this was when we were young mind). They probably sort of use each other when they are single for sex/companionship/texting etc....
I can understand all you view points and really don't know what to think.
Kittencatkins123, yes he currently alone out there, I go out this week, just not sure why he is making such a point about telling people he is on his own? Just attention seeking maybe!
Frankelly66, we are meant to be exclusive, we met online and had the 'chat' about it and both agreed and took our profiles down.
He bought me a necklace with a heart on for Christmas and says he misses me alot while he has been away and also said I want to say I love you but I know it's too early, that he has the feeling I'm the one and stuff like that, red flags??
This happened once with my dh. They didn't get on in 'rl' but she would constantly tweet him and he would have so many bleeps on his phone from this woman tweeting him. It got to a point one night I had had enough and basically told her in my own way, to fuck of because He had a wife at home and he wasn't interested.
I would possibly reply this lady's post and say what a proud wife you are etc etc. Forget embarrassing him you need to stand your ground
You need to have a conversation about it. But you need to have it in such a way which doesn't let on to the fact that you're stalking her Facebook profile, because while doing so is understandable, chances are that he'll see that as a bit ott.
But if she e.g. Has been responding a lot to his posts etc then ask him about it. I'm pretty laid back about opposite sex friendships but TBH this doesn't sound that innocent to me.
Yeah I was thinking about when I go out to see him this week writing a post making it clear going to visit him as my boyfriend but I never post on social media so he may think it's a bit weird. Did your husband used to reply to her tweets as my partner relplies to her, I wouldn't mind if he was ignoring her!
I think it comes down to whether or not you trust him. Not long after I started seeing my partner, a female friend of his had a difficult life situation which required him to do a lot of admin for her. This was someone he'd told me had declared her love for him previously (he wasn't interested). To me, he did this because he's a kind, caring person, but I could feasibly have read something else into it. I completely trust him and realise there are going to be people (possibly friends) who like him and people who like me but it doesn't matter.
However, I don't look at his social media (or that of anyone he is connected to) etc. Has he given you any reason not to trust him? Or have you had any reason to have trust issues (e.g. cheating ex). Or do you think you're just having a wobble because it's early days and so you don't feel completely secure in your relationship (totally normal)?
If you've only been dating a fewstrap-on months then the fact that he doesn't mention you on FB isn't really an issue. You need to talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't see your relationship as a long term deal and is lining the next one up?
I'm intrigued by the concept of 'a fewstrap-on months' Startled
Kittencatkins, no he hasn't given me any reason not to trust him. I am normaly very laid back about these things but I was cheated on in my last relationship probably because I was too laid back and missed the signs because I trusted him too much and believed his lies.
Just don't want to make the same mistakes again and miss the signs he is messing around so that and probably a bit of a wobble as it's still early days so not completely secure, although he hasn't given me any reason not to trust him I don't think that has really been tested yet if that makes sense, trust needs to be earnt and all that!
Follow your gut instinct, 99% off the time it's right.
Startled -Fewstrap-on months!? You'll need to come up with a good reason why that is in your phone dictionary. 😂
Talk to him. You don't have to ask if he's cheating or whatever just be honest in terms of that you'd noticed that she comments a lot on his FB threads and you had a look at her profile out of curiosity and that was what you saw.
Startled love how your phone's autocorrect went to strap on
OP, I really think you have nothing to worry about. Just sounds like a little bit of insecurity on your part
Yes he used to reply and tell me they hated each other in real life. So I thought if he really hated her in real life he won't mind me telling her to fuck off . The night I did it he slept in spare room!!! Busted. I think he enjoyed the attention I don't know why tho because she was a frumpy older woman!! Who was clearly obsessed with twitter and no life. She even replied and said I was lucky to be married to him!
I would advise you wisely watch them tweet but don't make yourself ill from it. When you are about to visit him tag him saying can't wait to spend the night with you been to Ann summers (sorry my sarcasm) but you get what I mean hopefully
Don't demean yourself by pissing on his fb page to mark your territory!
He says you're exclusive and he says he sees this as long term.
If your fledgling relationship can't withstand you saying "who is X?" then what he has told you about being serious is bullshit.
And you can't read anything into a heart shaped necklace - come on, that makes you sound 13!
Just ask him.,
If someone is going to cheat on you they are going to cheat on you. You can't prevent that by 'spotting the signs' - you'll just work it out quicker (which I get you might want to do). But in doing so you might also find 'signs' that aren't really there, and come across as insecure, jealous etc which can quickly bring about the end of a relationship.
Can you give it a bit more time, concentrate on your relationship, stop looking at her social pages, and just forget about her and their interactions for say another couple of months by which point you may feel more secure about the relationship, have been introduced to friends etc and not care about it any more?
At the end of the day she is just buying him a magazine! Even if she is making a bit of a random deal about it!
Thinking thank you, love the last bit but the whole post makes me feel happier. Think she is similar, constantly on Twitter posting crap, don't now how she has the time so clearly nothing better to do and think he likes the attention, he may like her, I don't know but deep down I don't believe anything has happended between them, not while I've been with him anyway so staying positive until I have reason to think otherwise
Kittencatkins, thank you, feeling better about the whole thing now, as you said I'll just give it some more time and see how things go, no point in rocking the boat now just before I'm about to go out there and ruin what could be a lovely few days together
Although I think all his 'thinks you're the one, together forever' stuff is a bit full on at this stage. How do you feel and what do you say when he says that? What is his relationship history?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.