I feel robbed

[catinbooots]

Just to put this out there - I know, I know it's not a rational way to feel, but it is how I feel. So I would really appreciate not getting a bashing.

Was gonna name-change but couldn't be arsed - too may of my pals on here know anyway.

I'm at the beginning of complicated divorce proceedings with STBHX.

I have DS1(17)

We have DS2(6) together.

Married him 6 years ago when I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. Stars in my eyes. Turns out he is lazy, workshy, abusive to both me and DS1.

He was a highly functioning drug addict until very recently. He sent me to the edge of sanity and back. Lots and lots of more horrible details which I could post but want to get to the crux of how I feel just now. I am not completely blameless.

I just need to get over this ANGER I feel and I don't know how to.

I feel robbed - robbed of the chance to have a happy nuclear family, robbed of the chance of my DSs growing up with a dad, robbed of the chance of any more future DC, robbed of my career potential, robbed of my pride. Just stripped bare I reckon.

I need to find a way to get around this bitterness - because it is eating me alive and that is not what I want.

Sorry for the waffle.

[catinbooots]

Oh and my confidence and self-esteem.

They've pretty much gone for good I reckon.

[memyselfandaye]

I think you need to turn it around. If you had stayed with him you and your kids would have lost a whole lot more, the chance of a normal, happy non abusive home.

You can have that now, does that make sense?

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Soon you will be free, but you'll have to go through the process, to get there. Dream big, allow your self a mental escape. In the mean time, can you give yourself a mini makeover, a pampering session maybe.
Your priority has to be your little one, his future is in your hands. Any chance of relocating to a nearby area. It is very easy to sink into a well of despair, but be strong OP, some people would love the chance to be able to live their life. If you think you may be depressed, go and visit your GP, don't leave it to chance. You can do this, you really can.

[fallenempires]

Hi Cat
I'm divorced,I too divorced him.
I had those feelings.I felt robbed and angry.
It's a life changing event after all.
Please be kind to yourself and do not be afraid to see your GP if you're struggling.

[catinbooots]

Thanks to all of you for replying

memyself I completely understand what you are saying and it makes so much sense - but because I am in a shitty living situation at the moment (hopefully temporary) I just can't seem to catch sight of that light at he end of the tunnel.

[catinbooots]

I also came off my ADs about 2 months ago because they were making me fat! Which, paradoxically, was making me more depressed.

Being skint and not working is also not helping with any logical thought processes

[springydaffs]

Uh-oh, I hope you gradually came off ads? Please say you didn't stop suddenly... Bcs that is disastrous and the kickback can be severe.

Just what you wanted to hear eh! Sorry about that, but it's good to have a heads-up?

As for your anger: completely well -placed imo. Anger and bitterness are two different things - you are appropriately, monumentally ANGRY. Go for it, get it out. Xx

[PollytheDolly]

Temporarily robbed, yes.

Thankfully not your whole life and you will be so much better off without.

I would go back to your GP and try different ADs. Was it mirtazapine you were on?

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

Oh sweetheart, so sorry to hear this.

You've every right to feel very angry, getting it out is good advice.

Sending love and hugs.

[catinbooots]

BBB you always seem to pop up and the most perfectly perfect time. And make me smile.

When this shizz is over we will go out and paint the town red - well maybe share a couple of shandies and a 10pm bedtime at the Travelodge but you know what I mean

[Isetan]

You need to change your mindset, he hasn't robbed you of anything you weren't willing to sacrifice.

He was always the person he turned out to be and there's is no parallel universe where he's different. You were not robbed, the happy ever after you were chasing with this man didn't exist, grieve the fantasy but the only way to move forward, is to accept the reality.

[catinbooots]

Hi Polly no it wants mirtazapine. I tried those several years ago and waking up in the morning felt like swimming through tar. They also made me fat.

Have been on Escitalopram now for 3 years and have steadily gained weight.

I was feeling depressed anyway so thought fuck it and tapered off over a fortnight....

[catinbooots]

Ouch Isetan. Cheers for that pal.

I'm not a fool or stupid. Am I not allowed to feel sad and angry?

[catinbooots]

I expect all your personal relationships are top notch eh?

[springydaffs]

Tapered off over a fortnight? That's way too quick, cat.

[toyd]

I think that Isetan's post is strangely comforting.

[catinbooots]

Is it springy?? I don't feel any worse but everything is so mixed up in my head at the mo - I probably couldn't tell.

I have a GP app on Thu.

[BantyCustards]

I'm right there with you, Cat.

Can you get yourself into some counselling?

It's ok to feel bitter for now - you're going through a grieving process. Let it out - better than suppressing it, turning it inwards.

Can you give journaling a go as a stop gap? What you write doesn't matter, just pick up a pen and write whatever words come to mind. It doesn't even have to make sense.

[BaronessBomburst]

He gave you DS. You've walked away with the best thing he had to offer and left behind all the crap.

[catinbooots]

Yes toyd you are probably right. Sorry if I read your post the wrong way ise

My feelings and reactions aren't normal-sized at the mo