Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Husband doesn't talk to me

5 replies

Postagestamppat · 15/01/2017 11:08

Am I being stupid or is this reason to be upset? Husband doesn't share information with me that I subsequently learn when listening to him talking to other people. Sometimes these things are small, like gossip to do with his old job. Other times slightly larger. Today while at a family (his) gathering I found out that a step relative's father had died. You can probably imagine the conversation. Me: when are you travelling home? Step relative: after the funeral. Me: who's funeral? Step relative: my dad. He died last week. Cue me feeling very crass.

I believe a relationship should be built on friendship and support. I feel that dh believes in a more co-parenting approach and you get your friendship from outside the relationship. I just fel very sad and lonely that my husband can't be bothered to talk to me about stuff. He says it's not important and I am being silly. When I read the divorce thread I do feel stupid and over dramatic but this not how I expected things to be (10 years together, 7 married, dd).

OP posts:

Report

Topseyt · 15/01/2017 11:40

I assume your DH knew about this himself? I

In the case of DH and I, there isn't much communication with many of the wider family these days. Not a choice that has been made, just a drifting apart over many years. We often wouldn't know much, if anything, about events that have happened.

My own wider family barely knows each other.

Report

Mrstumbletap · 15/01/2017 11:45

When do you and your DH talk?
Do you both work, have kids etc?

As it's easy to let the talking and catching up part of the day slide, but sitting down for a meal together is when it feels natural for me. And we don't do this every evening, but when we do that's when you find out what's going on how work is, plans for the weeks ahead. And ideas for holidays, trips, worries about money, work etc come up.

Do you sit and chat? I front of the telly never works it has to be distraction free.

Report

pocketsaviour · 15/01/2017 11:46

Do you get time every day/week when it's just the two of you? What do you normally do during these times - are you interacting or are you just crashed out watching TV, etc?

Do you not talk at the breakfast/dinner table?

Report

Topseyt · 15/01/2017 11:47

Also, if it was a step relative, did DH really know them or have regular contact?

It might be different if you meant in-law, but even then sometimes not. Some families are hotter on communication than others. Some communicate freely with the wider family and others are more nuclear.

Report

Postagestamppat · 15/01/2017 12:14

Yes dh knew about the death before. We are currently on holiday. He is in constant conversation with his family, while i am just sat on the edge listening or looking after dd. His family speaks another language which i understand but am not fluent enough in to cobtribute to family discussions. We never really have much time together otherwise.

He works nights so we see each for one evening midweek after I have finished work and one day at the weekend. Then we "chat", which is when I talk and he pretends to listen.

I think I need to decide if I can accept this as a part of our relationship or whether I should recognise that our relationship is dying from my perspective and think about leaving. Leaving seems too drastic but this eats away at my self esteem and makes me feel like crap.