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Tell me about how your life got better when you couldn't see the light

(13 Posts)
Dineoutone Sat 14-Jan-17 20:49:50

I'm a long time lurker and have seen so much good advice over the last few years.

I'm currently having a bit of a shit time (horrid last break up and been single ever since for last 14 moths. career is name just a couple!). I'm trying my best to get through each day with some positivity that eventually it will all come right or get better in some way and I will feel happy again...

Any stories to make me believe in this would be really helpful. At the moment everything feels a bit pointless and hopeless.

silkflowers Sat 14-Jan-17 21:48:59

flowers I'm having a tough time too at the moment after a break up. I have 2 small children and my ex is being totally unreasonable about just about everything.

The only advice I can give you is do stuff that makes you feel better: read a girly book, watch a box set you have always wanted to watch, catch up with an old friend. Basically anything to take your mind off feeling a bit low about stuff x

jeaux90 Sat 14-Jan-17 22:32:39

By taking pleasure in noticing the small things like the sound of the wind in the trees and when someone talks to me, really listen and don't let my mind wander into negative thoughts about the past. Talk to my friends. Enjoy my dd.

Basically being in the moment rather than thinking about the past or indeed worrying about the future.

This is what got me through a really bad patch a few years ago after an awful break up. Being kind to myself, exercising, taking long baths, sleeping well, focussing at work, making my career matter.

Then finally it all started to come good. Yoga and a very specific type of acupuncture also helped.

Polarbearflavour Sat 14-Jan-17 22:35:00

Hello - same for me - horrid break up and moved out of London from the place I love.

Two quotes are keeping me going :
Dr Who -
Things end, that’s all. Everything ends, and it’s always sad. But everything begins again, too, and that’s always happy.

It is what it is - from Sherlock

I find that taking each day at a time helps, trying to have meaningful conversations (just a nice chat with a barista for example) being kind to yourself - and others. Taking joy in the small things.

I hope things get better for you - they will!

AtSea1979 Sat 14-Jan-17 22:35:33

I'm having a shockingly shit time at min so can't help on that score. But I will say one thing, I was in a similar situation to you and would give anything to be back there now. Just appreciate what you have, dig deep and find the pleasures that surround you. Being happy is about enjoying the here and now not thinking about what you could have/should have/would have etc

Hermonie2016 Sat 14-Jan-17 22:45:51

Definitely list the gratitudes in your life, it really helps to change your mindset.

Also try to take one positive step tomorrow, even if it's a walk in nature. I recall at my lowest times walking and crying but towards the end of the walk I was feeling better. If you move you change your mood.

Look on youtube for inspirational speakers. Try mantras around your house so you keep getting positive vibes. Try to remember you are in a temporary state, it's transition - the vacuum before you get to where you are meant to me.

Just take small steps each days, small actions that will change your position. Everything positive thing you do will move you towards your goals.

I am going through a marriage break up and have been determined to find positives, even singing loudly in the car, talking to a shop assistant because I have the time, cuddles with my cat who loves my attention. Start with what you have and build from there.

Dineoutone Sun 15-Jan-17 08:59:33

Thanks smile I agree it's about taking it one day at a time. Feel so stresssd at the moment and as if things are falling apart - nothing seems to be going right!

Might write a list of things I'm grateful for. Need to keep going somehow.

AtSea1979 Sun 15-Jan-17 09:59:06

Yes lots of lists!
Things you are grateful for, small changes you could make, what a happier you might look like otherwise how will you know when you've got there etx

Dineoutone Sun 15-Jan-17 10:01:37

Thank you. Nice words of comfort for a miserable Sunday! X

AtSea1979 Sun 15-Jan-17 10:04:16

Yes the rain doesn't help. Can't really walk in this.

Mermaidinthesea Sun 15-Jan-17 10:09:20

I'm just getting through a difficult divorce.
Firstly sort out the big stuff that's essential and if you don't it will keep you awake at night. Finances, living expenses, look for cheaper rent if you rent so you can save some money up.
Start applying for new job as soon as possibl
Realise he isn't coming back, don't dwell on might have beens or ifs. Take pride in your appearance, make yourself the best you can be.
Be positive, even if you feel like crying or want to curl up in a ball and die, don't, smile at everyone you see, instigate conversation, don't let anyone except a really close friend of relative see you down, it will help you get through this quicker. When out with friends make sure you stay upbeat, that positive behaviour affects you profoundly and you will begin to change intop a stronger, happier person.
Once the big things are under control get a hobby, sewing, crafting etc rather than just sitting in front of the tv will make you feel better, I am building a 1:48 dollshouse which was very cheap because it was so small.
Wait, time heals all things and in a few months you will start to feel better. There will be up days and down days but the down days will get less.
Don't be afraid to see your doctor for help.
In a year you won't recognise yourself.

grobagsforever Sun 15-Jan-17 13:52:35

Many ppl on MN know my story. Widowed when pregnant with second baby at 33. Very sudden. I swore I was going to kill myself as soon as I'd given birth.

Around three months after DH died and two months after my daughter was born I got angry. Cancer had taken his life our of nowhere and it sure as he'll wasn't taking mine. I got counselling, accepunture, new clothes (I'd lost tons of weigh through grief) and went back to work when DD2 was four months. I did am intensive driving course and took my girls to Euro disney. I got my social life back. I completed the London Marathon. I used all the anger to push me forward. After 15 months I started dating.

That was 2.5 years ago. Life is still very challenging. But I'm about to start an awesome new job. I've made a ton of new friends. Not sure if current relationship will last but it has taught me a lot about myself and what I need in the future.

To be honest mindfulness and smelling the flowers etc didn't work for me. Use the anger, the sense of unfairness to push yourself forward. It's a type of energy. Get mad with life and be proactive.

Good luck!

Dineoutone Sun 15-Jan-17 19:57:53

Thank you all! Tying to stay positive is hard sometimes and all this advice has been really helpful. Me a friend for lunch today and made myself focus on the moment - definitely helps!

Now for a new week.... here goes

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