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No contact with ex.

(19 Posts)
Charliepeace83 Sat 14-Jan-17 20:45:34

Anyone struggling? I've deleted his number but we are meant to be meeting and exchanging our things tomorrow but haven't heard from him. He's keeping me hanging even though he ended it.
Anyone got insight into why an ex would be furious at you if they ended it?!

Bant Sat 14-Jan-17 20:48:45

Why did he end it? Maybe he's still angry with you because of the same reason he broke things off with you?

I was still angry with an ex for quite a while after I ended things, because of the way they'd behaved.

Starlight2345 Sat 14-Jan-17 20:49:06

I would say displaced guilt far easier to blame you than look at himself? However knowing nothing of your relationship hard to know.

Charliepeace83 Sat 14-Jan-17 20:51:03

He's depressed and realised he didn't love me. I was upset (obviously) but, after talking on the phone, accepted what he's said. He agreed he wanted to leave on better terms but I haven't heard from him.

BoysaDearyMe Sat 14-Jan-17 20:51:25

Unless the things are v valuable and irreplaceable, let them go and move on. Why put yourself through the pain of meeting up for things

Charliepeace83 Sat 14-Jan-17 21:01:17

I just want to know why hes so angry at me. sad
Yes I've realised he probably never wants to see me again. I suppose I was hoping he'd have been a bit kinder.
Just finding it very hard

Starlight2345 Sat 14-Jan-17 22:48:20

My experience is you learn a lot about a man when you split up with them, things you never knew .There are often thread on here where when Partners have split up and have kids realise there is another side they didn't know.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 14-Jan-17 22:51:23

It is incredibly hard, and it isn't nice to wonder how someone is angry with you.

If he's being unkind then channel that - you're best off away from someone who is unkind.

What stuff of your's do you need back? What stuff of his do you still have?

Charliepeace83 Sat 14-Jan-17 22:58:54

Yes, everything you say is true. He is so angry because he no longer loves me and I got in his way. This is a very unkind way of dealing with things. Totally unnecessary.

I have clothes, medication, toiletries and straightners and stuff girls have! Also cooking stuff like a blender which I'd like back! Nothing major but they are mine.

Wish I knew what his issue was. I know he's having some sort of break down and by getting rid of me he thinks all will be fine. I adored him and treated him well so where the anger is coming from I don't know. Just utterly blindsided.

So true. You find out what someone is like during /after a break up
Do you think I should ask a friend to go over and collect my things? I don't want to cause more harm. My ex was such a wonderful caring man sad

SandyY2K Sat 14-Jan-17 23:11:41

Anyone got insight into why an ex would be furious at you if they ended it?!

Probably because you haven't fallen on the floor in a heap and cried over him.

His ego is dented, because you've held your head up high.

I knew a woman who got dumped (by text) and when she said 'ok', her Ex went mad. Started blowing up her phone and accused her of not caring, then said he was going to propose before he dumped her, but now she's shown she didn't care, but I he's glad he didn't.

male ego

Charliepeace83 Sat 14-Jan-17 23:41:52

Hahahahha that's funny!
When it ended he sent me some nice texts saying call/text if you need anything. I just said thank you. He asked if he could call me if he was struggling (with depression) and I said yes. The day before he ended it he was crying for hours because he is depressed and is very low. I supported him all night and wanted to help. He asked me to stay over and did.

He then told me, over text, he didn't love me and had no feelings...he was a stranger to me. I sent a text telling him I was struggling. He proceeded to tell me to fuck off and not contact him again sad

So if he had feelings I can understand a bruised ego but it's not an ego thing yet he's furious with me.

He then phoned me the next day to sort out some money stuff and said he felt nothing for me and all love had gone etc... I was a little shaken on the phone but accepted it fully. He couldn't be pleasant to me or do it to my face which I find spineless. Again. He was seething on the phone.
I don't know why he hates me? I simply irritate him. He says he hates my voice, me etc but the day before I sat with him whilst he cried into my chest because he didn't want to carry on.

So confused x

Polarbearflavour Sun 15-Jan-17 00:21:30

You've had a lucky escape I think!

He sounds a little unpredictable - can a friend or family member go with you if/when you collect your stuff?

Break ups bring out the worst in people sadly. My ex told me to leave then keeps texting me saying how sad he is. Well you made me leave buddy!

Charliepeace83 Sun 15-Jan-17 00:26:57

Thanks ploarbearflavour,

I actually don't feel the need to contact him or see him....think I've dodged a bullet and now can just look after number one.... Annoyingly I bought him an expensive, very cool Christmas present so everytime he uses it he can think of me ;)

Yes, my friends are wonderful and will be happy to drop things off at his

Actually his unpredictable behaviour, his unhappiness and accusation towards me did make me feel like shit. I know I'll be relieved once this grieving process has taken place x

Polarbearflavour Sun 15-Jan-17 00:29:13

You will feel much better soon - I'm in the same boat! We are both going to be just fine.

Charliepeace83 Sun 15-Jan-17 00:47:59

Absolutely ploarbearflavour smile
Sorry you're having to go through this... It's horrible.
A few things which helps knowing/doing (may help you too)
- Dreaming about that person is a normal way your brain is dealing with it
- Crying is ok and therapeutic.... I chose a sad song, allow myself to cry to it and really indulge as much as possible. I listen to it twice, cry and cry then feel done and much better smile
- I stop myself from reminiscing and focus on the here and now and how he is treating me NOW
- DON'T go on social media or look at photos of him or you. I've banned Facebook for my own sanity
- no contact.... Contact is just an excuse for them to be horrible to you. You make yourself feel worse and make them feel.better
- Delete their number..... Best thing I did!
- How would you treat them if the shoe was on the other foot? Not in this unkind way.
- I also think of all his gross habits!

It's good to be realistic too....You'll feel shit, you won't get an apology, you won't get answers, you'll feel good and bad...but a year from now you won't care or you'll at least given yourself the answers you need.

Hope you're ok x

Polarbearflavour Sun 15-Jan-17 00:59:03

Thank you Charliepeace x

fannyfanackapan Sun 15-Jan-17 01:08:37

Charlie - you CAN do this!! Instigated 'our' split after years of being unhappy, even after putting on the smiley face. You are capable of this regardless of the reasons and you will come out of the other side.

Do not doubt yourself, ever, focus on you and you children, to the future and a better place.

citybumpkin Sun 15-Jan-17 11:13:47

When my ex left me he was very angry. I received a torrent of abuse over various things for months. I went to Relate to make sense of it. Light bulb moment thanks to my counsellor - he was deflecting. He was actually angry with himself. Turns out he didn't leave me "to be alone", he left as he was already seeing someone else. So, just think of it in those terms. He isn't angry with you. He is angry with himself.

Charliepeace83 Sun 15-Jan-17 13:14:28

Thank you for all your supportive messages smile
We were meant to meet today but he's left me hanging for days. Now sure why?

We agreed to exchange stuff and leave on better terms yet he hasn't made any effort to contact me or do what he said (ie leave on more adult terms).

This is what I don't understand. I've accepted it's over, I've made absolutely no contact with him yet he's still seemingly angry and showing a lack of respect (and clearly doesn't intend to end on better terms)

Anyone have insight into this? Citybumpkin I think you have hit the nail on the head. I do believe he wants me to get upset or punish me (still I don't know Why. Perhaps he wants me to react and send him a nasty message so he can feel satisfied the way he has treated me and breaking up with me was justified?

Thanks everyone for your supportive, insightful responses x

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