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Bloke of 7 months....more 'platonic' than I'd like.

(8 Posts)
redundantandbitter Sat 14-Jan-17 18:06:37

Hello. It's been an age since I was on here so please be gentle.

New bloke of 7 months (he's 50, I'm 46) has gradually become less interested in anything sexual... he's very tactile, loves holding hands and snuggling on sofa etc. Kisses me goodbye but doesnt often go much further. Last time we had sex was at his sisters house on 27th dec.. so it was silent and quick but I still enjoyed it.

I've brought this topic up before... talked about wanting intimacy and closeness not just sex. Can't really remember how he responded, which is crap of me.

Before Xmas I had drinks with friends and he was out with his friends... he met me later and was a bit drunk. We arrived home and he started saying how much he'd wanted me and how he'd missed a couple of chances to have sex recently and doesn't tell me he likes me often enough. We had sex but I was knackered

I felt like

redundantandbitter Sat 14-Jan-17 18:08:01

Bugger... posted too early ... I guess I just want a 'full' relationship ... but feel bad as I feel like I could be a sex pest?

BoxingHelena Sat 14-Jan-17 19:33:36

are you meant to be friends (who occasionally have sex) or in a relationship ? Sorry I am not sure from your OP. Maybe next time you ask him about it try to remember what he says [wink}

Or go out more, don't head straight for the sofa, make more of a date next time, its only been a few months

Or he was more lonely then horny before he got into this relationship

redundantandbitter Sat 14-Jan-17 20:00:49

Thanks, it's def a relationship. We don't see other people. We do lots of stuff - gigs (lots), cinema, galleries, days out... we have a great varied social life. We see his family etc. Don't spend that much time on the sofa ...maybe more now it's winter.

He's coming over tonight after DDs bedtime. I'm going to have the chat as I'm
Becoming increasingly sad about the lack
Of intimacy... wondering if we are just incompatible. confused

birdybirdywoofwoof Sat 14-Jan-17 20:06:14

That must be disheartening op.

My approach would be v direct- in a relaxed setting with wine etc, I would find out: I'd ask is he used to more? does he want more? Is this a recent decline? What would his ideal be? Etc etc.

If the answers aren't to your liking then I'd probably look for someone better suited...

BoxingHelena Sat 14-Jan-17 20:10:52

that sounds all good, apart from that "thing"
Do you think he is a bit too passive with regard to start things off ? How comfortable are you to take the lead, does that turn you off ?
Before the chat could you just try to put yourself in the mood, I don't know, after dc bedtime, play some music, have a nice bath and apply your favourite body oil... I need to do this things for myself if I am meeting someone. All day rushing around with work and dc, etc... I find it helps putting me in the mood - iyswim

BoxingHelena Sat 14-Jan-17 20:12:06

and of course what birdybirdywoofwoof said too

redundantandbitter Sat 14-Jan-17 20:18:23

Cheers BH. Yeah, he's a bit passive I suppose, champion procrastinator. he earns tons of money as a contractor and has had a break for the past month so been 'pottering' and I think he's becoming a bit introspective.

I'm comfy taking the lead but I feel he doesn't give me any opportunity to get past hugs and snuggling. At this early stage I'd still Like to be having interesting and fun sex.

I'll talk to him tonight. He knows there's something up as we haven't even in touch much today. Bit sad really

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