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Condom-free sex process

(19 Posts)
Pollyanna9 Sat 14-Jan-17 17:25:47

Hi all

Online dating at the moment and with no plans or wedding bells planned for the guy I'm meeting tonight obviously (!), I'm thinking further ahead.

If I have sex with in at some point it will be with condoms because that's how it should be - protection for both of us (although I'm covered for protection against pregnancy because of having the implanon implant so this is just purely about sti prevention).

I've got no concerns that I've got an sti's but let's be honest you can'r possibly know - what if my previous partner has been cheating on me and I didn't know for example? Or the same issue but for the other person?

So, when I was with my PP we used condoms to start but then before we went no condoms we both went to get tested to make sure we were both ok. I thought this was perfectly reasonable and a very sensible way to proceed. He was very practical and matter of fact about it and neither of us thought it a personal insult or anything like that.

I'm just thinking and musing about things going forward - what is this guy and me want to have a full relationship and after the condom phase we want to ditch condoms and go without them?

Who has gone for testing with their partner before stopping using condoms? What did you partner think? Does it seem reasonable to ask that or would it properly piss the guy off (surely he'd want to know if I had an sti?!!).

What do you think and what have you done, if anything, before going condom free. Just wondered...

Notapodling Sat 14-Jan-17 17:39:10

A discussion about condom use and getting tested is just part of being an adult in a new relationship, and just plain sensible afaik.
I wouldn't be offended if my partner wanted us both to be tested before a mutual decision to go off condoms was made, and I'd be unimpressed with anyone who wasn't willing to be open and willing to get tested.

ComtesseDeSpair Sat 14-Jan-17 17:48:55

I've never had a man question or get offended at the suggestion they should get tested: actually, I'd say a good proportion of my sexual partners have raised it themselves and just been very matter of fact about it, as part of a wider discussion about contraception etc. think most people nowadays are far more relaxed about it, partly thanks, I reckon, to the NHS's good promotion of and education about sexual health and the fact that you could have an STI even if you've had only a small number of sexual partners rather than the old stereotype that having an STI must mean you've been with loads of people.

You don't have to "go together", by the way - you can go to a GUM clinic independently and then they'll text or write to you with the results that you can show to each other if you choose to and need that reassurance.

statetrooperstacey Sat 14-Jan-17 18:04:58

Me and my DH had a chat before we slept together. Both agreed we hated condoms and I had the implant so the birth control thing was nailed down. Got tested before the first time. Was great, Bareback from the off!

TokenGinger Sat 14-Jan-17 18:09:03

The guy I'm seeing and I are exclusive, but not in a relationship yet. We got tested. We still mostly use condoms but we know if we're caught short without one we're okay.

gamerchick Sat 14-Jan-17 18:14:14

I'm all for testing both before ditching condoms, its just good sense.

And being bitten by Chlamydia sort of enforced that. Its just not worth it.

Happy humping grin

TheNaze73 Sat 14-Jan-17 20:15:13

Have the discussion ASAP. Neither me or partner like condom's, so did the STD thing quite early on

TheNaze73 Sat 14-Jan-17 20:15:35

As in the check, not passing them to each other! biscuit

UnicornButtplug Sat 14-Jan-17 20:18:33

I have never had anyone be offended and it doesn't offend me.
In my experience the ditch the condom chat usually comes from the bloke so I just say yes of course let's go get checked out.

Offred Sat 14-Jan-17 20:26:43

If he gets annoyed I wouldn't continue to see him.

But you know there is a way for you to know re you - by getting tested now.

pocketsaviour Sat 14-Jan-17 20:32:33

It's still a risk, because you're choosing to believe that he won't sleep with other women (or if he does, that he'll use a condom with them if given the chance not to.)

God I'm cynical...

Gallavich Sat 14-Jan-17 20:44:34

Of course you should expect them to get tested. Be warned though, a few men will try to tell you they were tested last week haha what a coincidence and don't worry they are clean...I actually had one man lie and say he had been to the clinic that day and been tested which was a total lie.
Some men are total dickhead manbabies about STI testing. Run far from those ones.

SilentBatperson Sat 14-Jan-17 20:50:23

Me. Years back. Not being prepared to do a test would be a good sign not to shag someone!

tinydancer88 Sat 14-Jan-17 21:56:13

I've never had this conversation with someone I liked and it's gone badly.

Mostly they're happy to ditch the faff of using condoms, and if they kicked off at me for a perfectly normal conversation I would wonder if I really wanted to carry on having sex with them anyway.

Princesspinkgirl Sat 14-Jan-17 23:45:05

I had a check for sti because ive in the past slept with men with no protection luckily i was clear i met a new DP now and neither used protection however we are both open honest and now have a baby together anyway if i was to meet someone new in the future i dont plan to just hypothetical example i would 100% use a condom for safety

RestlessTraveller Sun 15-Jan-17 00:22:36

I'be alwYs been tested before condom-free sex and have no issues with asking for a partner to be tested also. I always ask to see the text, just to make sure. If anyone refused, I would end the relationship.

Maz2444466 Sun 15-Jan-17 00:33:51

Definately don't be worried to ask partner to get tested before going condom free. It's in his interests too and you need to trust each other before building a solid relationship, him being equal to you and acing responsibly about this by getting tested will build that trust. If he's offended (which I doubt) it would send alarm bells ringing for me

caroldecker Sun 15-Jan-17 01:01:46

Be prepared for the answer he wants to continue to use condoms due to pregnancy issues. He may not want to rely 100% on you.

Pollyanna9 Sun 15-Jan-17 14:45:25

Yes Pocketsaviour there's nothing that's 100% failsafe is there!

I'm glad you've also had that experience guys on here

Hi Carol - I don't think it would be an issues as the implant is clearly visible just under the skin of my left arm so it's a pretty good indication that I'm rocking the contraception if anyone did have that level of concern although at 50, I can confidently say it's SO not on my list of things to achieve this year!!! But I do see your point.

Yes I agree with you all, if they wouldn't do it then I wouldn't go any further with them, condoms or not.

Gallavich this EXACTLY why I'd say 'well go together'. Then you know they've actually been....

I bet though that there's loads and loads of people who don't do this though! Eugh.

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