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Feeling ignored

(8 Posts)
GerardNoWay Sat 14-Jan-17 16:00:41

I've been having a tough time recently with my mental health. A lot of stuff I thought I was over has resurfaced and I'm struggling. I'm angry, frustrated and overly emotional. It's hard at the moment.

I have great trouble opening up and really struggle with saying things out loud and looking at people when I talk.

A few nights ago DH and I were lying in bed and he asked me what was wrong. I said I didn't want to talk about it but he persisted. I opened up and said a few sentences, only to find that he had fallen asleep. I confronted him about it the next day and he hadn't heard a word I'd said. I was very raw and very upset. I thought that he was cruel to encourage me to speak and then not listen to me. It made me feel so small.

Subsequently I had to rehash what I had said previously on the back of an argument and it's caused me to feel so awful.

He is losing patience with me as it's all consuming at the moment. I wish he would listen and not make me feel like I am failing my family.

I feel awful today and have text him to say I am having intrusive thoughts and feeling down, hoping for some support, and his phone is off. I feel so lost and alone, that no one can really get this but neither are they satisfied just to let me get it out in anyway I can think of.

I don't know, I just feel so alone.

fallenempires Sat 14-Jan-17 16:16:45

Depression is a horrible illness as it consumes you.Why is he losing patience with you?Does he understand that you're ill? Are you taking AD's?

GerardNoWay Sat 14-Jan-17 16:24:27

I don't think he can understand why I'm unhappy. He sees our life as pretty perfect and he's a glass half full kind of guy. Whereas, for whatever reason, I just cannot seem to pull myself out of the funk I've got myself in.

I'm not on AD's anymore, although contemplating going back to see the GP again.

I'm more hurt that he cannot find the will to at least try and understand. He drew me out and then closed down so I'm feeling like I don't want to, or can't, open up to him again because it opens the floodgates for nothing.

He will ask me if I'm okay but I can tell very much in the asking that he's hoping I'll say yes and continue to act chipper but it's exhausting. I work FT and have a DD who is 1 and being happy for all these people in my life is draining. I'd like him to be the person who I can be myself with from time to time and open out to.

fallenempires Sat 14-Jan-17 16:47:20

Tbh I think it is very difficult for many people to realise just how it feels if they haven't suffered with it themselves.I've experienced it from both sides.
Do you think that maybe you came off the AD's too quickly before?

sonjadog Sat 14-Jan-17 17:17:07

I think that maybe you are expecting too much of him. Him trying to encourage you to talk about it was surely a sign he cared, even though he screwed it up by falling asleep. I guess the falling asleep wasn´t done on purpose? His phone being off today - well sometimes that happens when we want to get in touch with people. He is asking you how you feel - even if he isn´t doing it exactly right - but on the other hand, he isn´t a trained counsellor so how would he know the best way to talk to someone with depression? It does sound like he is at least trying.

I suggest that you go back to the doctors and seek professional help. Go back on anti-depressants and ask for counseling, if that is available. I think you should decide that you are going to make medical professionals responsible for helping you with this, not your husband.

I am speaking from experience, btw. I know how easy it is to turn to the person you are closest to and expect them to do the job of helping you, but with the perspective I have from not being currently depressed, I can see that that is an unfair task to put on a partner.

GerardNoWay Sat 14-Jan-17 17:26:52

I understand that I can't use him to hold me up, I do. He isn't responsible for that and I get that. I just felt so, so alone in that moment when I realised he was asleep.

I fully take ownership of this and will seek help for it. I don't know, I just hoped for some support and the opportunity to open out when prompted, otherwise I would have just kept it to myself.

He has a very negative view of mental health and when I sought help after having DD he made me feel horribly guilty, he was very concerned about me taking her to a parent and baby unit in the day whilst I had counselling and seemed to think it was very much something I could work through on my own.

Bluntness100 Sat 14-Jan-17 17:38:42

I doubt he fell asleep on purpose and maybe didn't realise the importance of what you wished to divulge.

I also think you need to see your doctor, you are unable to pull yourself out of this and I don't think your husband can either, you need to take control and responsibility and seek help, I'm sorry,

fallenempires Sat 14-Jan-17 17:39:33

What you say makes perfect sense to me.My view is that couples support each other even more so during the hard times.Why does he have such a negative view of MH? I can fully appreciate that's it's not the nicest of topics but you didn't ask to feel the way you do,who on earth would?!

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