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Friendly advice

(8 Posts)
Letsallbefriends Sat 14-Jan-17 14:52:17

Hi all,

I turned 34 in October 2016 and i am currently in a relationship. I am not sure if she is the one though. We have been together for 3 years but the last 18 months have been tough for both of us.

We both want children and marriage but I'm not sure on what to do about my relationship with my girlfriend. I feel the saying "I love her, but I'm not in love with her fits" but I'm worried that if I leave her I'm worried about wanting children and my age...

I have been thinking about it for quite a while but I'm still no further forward. Actually I'm a lot further backwards as I'm now suffering from anxiety and depression as a result of not knowing what to do.

Please don't think I'm a mental case as I'm not. I just don't have a lot of confidence in myself and suffer from low self esteem.

What do I do? How long would it take me to meet someone? How long before I could have children? Etc?

MatildaTheCat Sat 14-Jan-17 15:14:59

Nobody has the answers to your questions. I suggest getting some counselling and ending your relationship. You won't be in a position to move on while still with a woman you don't really love.

You sound fond of her and scared of change. You are doing her no favours in staying together.

pocketsaviour Sat 14-Jan-17 15:16:15

Is this a same sex relationship? If not, I'm not sure what your concern is about having children soon - men can go on siring children until their 70s - although I wouldn't want to be chasing a toddler around at that age, for sure!

You say the last 18 months have been tough - adding a baby is like throwing a bomb into a relationship. If it's not already solid as a rock, it's going to crack.

You sound very ambivalent about your relationship and I personally think it would be really irresponsible to stay "just because I'm not sure if I'll find anyone else..." and bringing kids into that would not be fair at all.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 14-Jan-17 15:18:55

If it feels wrong then it probably most definitely is the wrong relationship for you.

Don't have kids with this woman.

Find someone who makes you feel complete

Letsallbefriends Sat 14-Jan-17 16:48:05

No my girlfriend is female.

I suppose I'm worried about change. But my work place embraces it. So I didn't think that was the case.

I just don't really know what to do for the best.

everythingis Sat 14-Jan-17 17:16:25

You can't stay just in case you don't meet someone else!! I can't imagine how I would feel if my partner felt like that about me!

Letsallbefriends Sat 14-Jan-17 19:19:39

It's not a case I'm staying with her because I don't think I'll meet anyone else. Not at all.

I don't know what to do full stop.

CockacidalManiac Sat 14-Jan-17 20:11:33

You can't stay in this relationship for all the wrong reasons. You certainly can't bring children into it; that'd be very selfish.

Please don't think I'm a mental case as I'm not.

Not a nice thing to say.

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