Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DH left last night. Am I supposed to list him as a missing person?

(169 Posts)
Anxiouswife Sat 14-Jan-17 07:36:21

DH and I argued last night. He was a bit drunk. I wasn't. We'd had people over for dinner and I started cleaning up. He said leave it till the morning, I said I didn't want to. He called me a Stupid Fucking Bitch so loudly I knew the kids would hear. I begged him to keep it down but he wouldn't and kept swearing at me. I told him to "get out". Not something I've done before but I knew the kids were listening and I can't have them hearing it. He stormed off and our 8 yr son came down in tears wanting to know why Daddy was angry with me. I told him everything was fine, put him back to bed. DH came down from our bedroom with a handful of clothes and a sleeping bag. I said you woke up DS8, he heard you. DH said "good, he knows you're a fucking bitch too then" and walked out of the front door, trying to take one of our dogs who has had surgery and is wearing one of those cone things. I had to physically stop him from taking the dog. I locked the door behind him. Unbeknownst to me DS8 was watching from his bedroom window and came down hysterical a few minutes later asking why Daddy had thrown his phone out of his window as he drove off. We found the phone on the drive. DS8 was beside himself, "where is Daddy, how can we call him" etc. I put him in my bed and managed to get him to settle an hour or so later after a lot of tears and me saying, "don't worry, Daddy's probably at Grandads, he's fine etc". When he finally went to sleep I started phoning my in-laws and DH's best friend. Neither of them have seen him and he wouldn't go anywhere else. I got a neighbour to watch our DC and drove around myself looking for him until midnight but didn't find him.

Am I supposed to call the police? I don't really want him home I don't think. I've been awake most of the night, we have 4DC who have a zillion commitments today and I don't know how I'm going to get through them. I don't want him to come back, I just want to know he's safe. Is he a missing person? Or am I supposed to be waiting 24 hours. I expect he's parked up somewhere and is sleeping in his car. I suspect he threw his phone out of his car to make me worry more and will appear at some point this morning telling me how cold he's been and how it's all my fault. I don't want to hear it.

PickAChew Sat 14-Jan-17 07:40:49

I'd have been most concerned about him driving drunk in the first place.

And be tempted to pretend you didn't know he'd ditched his phone. Does he have form for being verbally abusive?

Lilaclily Sat 14-Jan-17 07:40:52

No I wouldn't do anything

Your poor son

And to drive in that state too sad

Skang Sat 14-Jan-17 07:42:18

No, I don't think you need to report it to the police. Except to report him for drink driving maybe.

How awful that he'd upset his poor son like that.

Can you pack some of his things ready for when he does come back?

Do you own the house together?

PickAChew Sat 14-Jan-17 07:43:21

But no, I'd leave it a while. He's probably on a mate's sofa and, even if he's asleep in his car, that's his fault for being such an arsehole.

This is all designed to continue to make you feel bad, of course.

Fireandflames666 Sat 14-Jan-17 07:43:52

He's driven off drunk?. He could kill somebody, you need to call the police.

grobagsforever Sat 14-Jan-17 07:45:00

Hi OP. So sorry he has done this to you. You don't list him as missing, no. He's a grown man gone off in a strop. You have no reason to think he's not safe. He'll be in his car or at a friends. The police won't do anything.

What are your plans for the day? Is there someone you can call for support?

Has he always been this horrible? Such a shocking way to treat someone.

AngelaKardashian Sat 14-Jan-17 07:45:21

No I don't think you need to report him missing for now. If you haven't heard anything in a few days then maybe you should.

I'm so sorry he's such an arse. Your poor DS sad flowers

MuttsNutts Sat 14-Jan-17 07:45:30

Don't waste police time on him. I just hope he hasn't killed or injured anyone else whilst driving drunk.

SavoyCabbage Sat 14-Jan-17 07:45:37

I wouldn't as you don't think he's come to harm. I'd just get on with the day the best I could, keep the children busy and form a medium term plan if you can.

I hope things get better for you.

PickAChew Sat 14-Jan-17 07:45:41

He's probably sobered up and sleeping it off by now, fire.

user1477282676 Sat 14-Jan-17 07:46:16

Don't phone anyone. He's banking on you panicking and looking for him. What a tit he sounds.

Sorry for your son and for you but the best thing would be to refuse to let him in until he's agreed to counselling and apologised.

Has this come out of nowhere? Is there a chance he's having an affair and looking for an excuse to leave?

calzone Sat 14-Jan-17 07:47:13

He will probably be home soon and freezing cold.

I would leave his bag packed on the front step and lock the doors.

No way would my husband speak to me like that. He just wouldn't.

bloodymaria Sat 14-Jan-17 07:50:04

Maybe the police picked him up for drink driving. What a twat!

whyohwhy000 Sat 14-Jan-17 07:51:21

I would report him for possibly driving drunk.

Creampastry Sat 14-Jan-17 07:52:06

Hopefully he's in a cell locked up for drink driving. What a shit. That would be it for me.

WaitrosePigeon Sat 14-Jan-17 07:52:33

Drink driving is so bad.

He'll be sleeping it off somewhere. I'm really sorry you and your son had to witness that behaviour. You mustn't let him back in the house today.

StealthPolarBear Sat 14-Jan-17 07:53:21

If he comes back you need to make him realise the effect his tantrum had on your poor ds. Presumably he loves him and wants him to be happy too.

bibbitybobbityyhat Sat 14-Jan-17 07:53:51

How awful! You can't carry on in a relationship after something like that. I don't blame you for not wanting him back. Leave the phone where he threw it. Explain to the children that you had a big argument and Daddy has gone somewhere else to calm down and that it was quite wrong of him to be so cross and swear at you.

rosabug Sat 14-Jan-17 07:53:53

he'll be ok and I think he will turn up later. Having a bad time with my partner at the moment and I have become at times 'verbally abusive', and even thrown 2 picture frames hard across the room. So I hold back on damning him because he's a man and you are a woman. He's clearly very unhappy generally and I guess you might be too. Seems like a good place to start to talk when he finally turns up.

Anxiouswife Sat 14-Jan-17 07:54:23

He's just pulled in to the drive. Wish me luck..

manhowdy Sat 14-Jan-17 07:54:37

He sounds bloody awful. Is he always a nasty drunk?

You can't turn back the clock but rather than ringing his relatives/friends and chasing round in your car after this utter twat, you should have contacted the Police and reported him for drink driving. With any luck he was pulled as a matter of course and is relaxing in his cell right now.

Leave him to sulk. Get on with your day and try and get through as best you can. When he comes home, tell him pack his stuff properly and fuck off for good (once he's apologised to the DCs).

Angry for you.

MrsDc7 Sat 14-Jan-17 07:55:10

That isn't normal behaviour OP. My husband has ever spoken to me like that and never would. Your child shouldn't be exposed to that under any circumstances. Unless this is an absolute freak one off that hasn't ever happened before and you are confident won't happen again, you should leave him. Think about the example you are setting your children allowing yourself to be treated like that

hesterton Sat 14-Jan-17 07:55:29

You haven't done anything wrong from what you have written. Nothing at all. If he comes back all belligerent and unapologetic for what he put you and you son through, he is behaving even more shamefully.

He's most likely ok. Hopefully cold, remorseful, tired and massively hung over in a police cell or layby somewhere.

MrsDc7 Sat 14-Jan-17 07:55:35

*my husband has never

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now