Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What should happen to dd if we split

(4 Posts)
Sugarcrystal2002 Fri 13-Jan-17 20:21:59

Dh and I are going through a very rough patch and it's starting to look like when not if we split, we have a 24m Dd and I'm not sure if either would be suitable looking after her alone.
I have MH problems and have dyspraxia and ASD, I struggle to look after myself somedays never mind her, I'm okay if I'm being supported but I can't see myself getting that support if I'm on my own.
Dh is a functional alcoholic in denial, he had issues from his childhood after being raised by an alcoholic mother (who is now trying to get help) and a step dad who treated his kids different to the kids from a previous relationship and is Nc with his dad due to him abandoning Dh when he was a teen. He also used to be a stay at home dad till I got made redundant and although he claims never to have been drunk in charge of Dd I have heard off family members this might not have always been the case (his preferred hangover cure is hair of the dog)

We have had Ss involvement before when dd was a newborn as our home had issues with cleanliness, which he said was entirely my fault, and while I'll admit I have problems with housekeeping I was working full time up to dd being born and he was unemployed, so was as much to blame as me.
I have a feeling that if we split the custody battle will get nasty as he's already threatened to throw me under the bus if I try take her, and I'll admit I may not be the best person to have custody because of my issues although with help I think I could beat them, but I'm worried about his drinking if he had her all the time, he nearly set the house on fire once after smoking when he was drunk he put his cig out on a tissue luckily I discovered it before it did more than smolder.

Tldr, both Dh and I have issues which I think would be problematic if we were to parent without the support of each other.

BusterGonad Fri 13-Jan-17 20:24:24

It really doesn't sound like a healthy environment wether you split up or not, I'm just not sure what to say. I hope this bumps you thread as I'm stuck for words tbh.

Dragongirl10 Fri 13-Jan-17 20:34:51

you really need to talk to Womens Aid, they can point you in the direction of all sorts of help, whether you stay together or not.

However if he were my DH l would never risk my baby, l would leave regardless, seek help for MH issues and then make sure he is only had limited supervised contact.

You seem very calm and articulate and your post is considered, so why do you think you could not mange without him? He is a big problem for you and a weight on you. Please gather your strength and leave.

How would you feel if he seriously, inadvertantly hurt ( or worse) your baby because of his drinking? Surely that is a strong possibility and must be avoided by you leaving.

Good Luck, you can do this and be happy in the future.

BarbarianMum Fri 13-Jan-17 22:07:18

Do you have family who could help support you to care for your dd? Living with an alcoholic is very stressful, it could be if you separated your mental health would improve.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now