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I told his GF that he hade cheated on her.. Did I do the right thing?

(25 Posts)
heartbrokenagain12 Fri 13-Jan-17 10:44:28

In September I split with my X of 8 years. We have 2 DC's (4 & 1). Anyway in November me and my sister went on a night out and I met this really nice guy (or so i thought). We was drunk, kissed and swapped numbers. Fine. We text all that week and he asked to see me again. I said he could come over to my house one night when dc's were in bed. He did, he arrived with chocolates and flowers. Alarm bells did ring slightly as I tthought it was a bit OTT for a first meeting. Anyway all went well, he went home and he wanted to see me again. He worked nights someweekends for a railway company so they paid for a hotel for him on Sat and Sun night. I met him on the Monday day while my DC's were at school before he had to check out and we went spa together, then I ended up sleeping with him. Anyway he then wanted to meet again. About a week later he came over to mine and we slept together again, I asked him to stop over but he said he couldnt as his mom would wonder where he was as he has his graduation in the morning. Again, alarm bells rang. He was 22, yet still had to answer go his mom? (I am 24 with my own home btw). He then said he was going awway to liverpool for the weekend with his mates. He didnt speak to me that weekend. He then spoke afterwards and asked if I would like to go out.. So we went out tgether for a meal and to the casino the following weekend - I then seen what appeared to be a love bite on his neck - I asked him and he said he got in a fight on his night out in Liverpool and it was a bruise LOL. At this point I knew it was bullshit, pretended I was ok and just got dropped home. We tthen spoke a little over text but I told him I wasnt ready to see him again for a while as I wasnt over my X. He was ok about it and would randomly text me, and I hardly ever replied as I sensed there was something odd about him. I then got a text from him after xmas saying "hey ive been thinking and I know youre going through a rough time but I would really like to keep seeing you and see where this goes". I then replied ok how was xmas etcetc then I never bothered replying again.

So i started my new job this week, by pure coinsidence he used to work there. I asked my manager if he knew this guy and he said yes he remembers him. So I text him like "Hey, i started my new job and my manager said he remembers u". At this point I had not replied to him for 10 days. I then got a response gong "ahh cool. I dnt no how to say this but I cant see us going anywhere, sorry". Alarm bells then started to ring, I said we wasnt going anywhere anyway was we? I havent seen you for 4 weeks, why are u randomly saying this? I then went to search for his FB page (we wasnt friends on fb) and he had blocked me. I then KNEW something was wrong so i text him saying "why have you blocked me when I hardly know u, have I upset u or do u have a girlfriend??". He replied saying I didnt text bk frequent enough and that I wasnt consistent and that im not over my kids dad. I never replied to him.

I then went on my sisters facebook, found him, his facebook was set to private but I could see who had 'liked' his display picture. Surprise, a girl had liked it, so I went on her profile to see lots of pics of them together. So I messaged her asking if that was her BF, she said yes we have been together 2+ years whats he done please tell me. So I told her everything. She goes Liverpool uni and has exams next week and is so devastated however thanks me for telling her the truth. I feel awful as I got cheated on TWICE in my past relationship and know how bad it is (i still cnt get over it).

She said she asked him who I was and he looked scared, said he had a drunken kiss with me and then he ran off to be sick. He then apparently told her everything. Are all men the same??????

Beautyisintheeyeofthebeholder Fri 13-Jan-17 10:52:24

I've had this happen to me.
I didn't tell due to the woman possibly not believing so I kept it to myself.
I should of told 😞
I feel you have done the right thing. Doesn't necessarily mean they will break up though.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 13-Jan-17 11:35:31

Not ALL men, but unfortunately, yes a lot of them are!
Lesson learnt - do your homework next time before you get involved.

Tenshidarkangel Fri 13-Jan-17 11:39:31

To be fair OP, you didn't know. It's not like you knew and continued the relationship.
Either way, she has the info now. It's up to her what she does with it. I'd want to know if it was me.

faffalotty Fri 13-Jan-17 12:30:10

I think you did the right thing. By her asking you to tell her what he's done, it sounds like it isn't the only time he's done something like this.

SandyY2K Fri 13-Jan-17 12:35:10

You did the right thing. I'd want to know if it was me. Good on you.

ocelot7 Fri 13-Jan-17 15:07:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

VivDeering Fri 13-Jan-17 15:13:24

I'd want to know in her shoes.

Bluntness100 Fri 13-Jan-17 15:18:35

ocelot7, that's a surprisingly harsh response and I can't see the need to attack the op, she is not the one who did something wrong here.

DaisyQueen Fri 13-Jan-17 15:26:14

You did the right thing. I would 100% want to know

MrsBertBibby Fri 13-Jan-17 15:32:38

I can't get past the fact you let this guy in your house with your kids in bed after meeting him on a drunken night out!

Emmageddon Fri 13-Jan-17 15:34:45

I would want to know if my boyfriend was cheating on me, too. I bet you're not the only one he's had a 'drunken kiss' with either. I feel sorry for the girlfriend, but hopefully she'll realise she's dodged a bullet and dump him.

KinkyAfro Fri 13-Jan-17 15:35:09

I'm with Bert

ocelot7 Fri 13-Jan-17 15:44:56

Actually Bluntness she has thoughtlessly affected a student's exam performance which may affect her degree grade all for the purpose of revenge
And she does not see why a 22 yo old son should have any loyalty to his mother.
Speaking from my own experience as a tutor who frequently sees students under stress & anxiety
And as a mother who would not have wanted her son to miss his graduation for the sake of someone he just met!
FWIW I don't for a moment believe the OP is telling the full story - too much coincidence re new job where he used to work& it reads like shehas edited the facts to make herself look good.

Bluntness100 Fri 13-Jan-17 15:47:12

To be honest I think her boyfriend was the one who thoughtlessly affected her , but I get your point on the rest.

ShatnersWig Fri 13-Jan-17 15:52:54

I'm with Bert and Blunt and object to an OP using the American term "mom" unless she is American. It reads more like a teenager than someone who is 24, has her own home and two kids.

Nabootique Fri 13-Jan-17 15:57:58

I don't think the OP knew that the GF had exams until after she'd told her, but I might be wrong. I also don't think the OP sounds vengeful. He wronged her as well. Does she not have the right to ask and find out what the situation is?

I was in a very similar situation once (I posted about it on here), but like Beauty, I didn't tell because I didn't think I'd be believed, even though the response on here was overwhelmingly that I should. I didn't need to clarify the situation with the GF (lots of pictures could mean friends or even brother and sister) as although he had blocked me on Facebook my friend could see the GF's relationship status clearly said in a relationship with him.

TreeTop7 Fri 13-Jan-17 16:02:24

It's all a bit puerile. You shouldn't have messaged her, that's what schoolkids do. He sounds like a mendacious tosser and she's better off without him, as are you, but you'd have been better off just stepping back imo. And no, not all men are like this, and you'll find a good one in the future I'm sure.

MsGameandWatch Fri 13-Jan-17 16:03:58

"Mom" is used and spent that way in Birmingham and The Black Country and is not necessarily an Americanism.

MsGameandWatch Fri 13-Jan-17 16:04:11


Heartbrokenagain122 Fri 13-Jan-17 16:31:45

Trying to log back in to reply to all these messages has been a nightmare ! Anyway I'm back. All of what I posted is genuinely what happened. I am from the Midlands - we say mom not mum. And I didn't expect him to miss his graduation - just thought he would stop over and go home in the morning when I had work. And yeah I bought my house with my X when I was 21 - not that it has any relevance to be honest. I did not know he had a girlfriend until he blocked me and I went on my sisters Facebook to look at his profile picture - I don't even know why I just had a feeling. I was not out to hurt anyone as I have been cheated on twice in my past only relationship and I just wanted answers. She told me herself she was at uni and asked me to answer any questions she had so she can have closure on it. I just felt she should know. i don't know if she will split up with him. And as for some posters saying i sound like a teenager, I'm pretty proud of myself, I'm a single mom at 24 yet still just about manage to keep my shit together, go to work, finish my own degree and pay the mortgage - then it doesn't help when another fucking cheat comes along to hurt me some more.

Heartbrokenagain122 Fri 13-Jan-17 16:32:46

He also knew the whole situation I was in with my X - he told me he would never cheat on anyone as that's why his parents split and told me it was horrendous. What a crock of shit.

Burgerandchips Fri 13-Jan-17 17:40:45

You did the right thing

Heartbrokenagain122 Fri 13-Jan-17 17:57:02

Thank you. She kept messaging me questions last night begging me to answer and saying she couldn't sleep etc and that she knew it wasn't me and that he's a compulsive liar. I just feel like I've caused a load of trouble. Well I have. But to make matters worse, turns out she works where I work but only in the summer. Can it get any worse? I work in the office in the accounts team and she works on the bar to cover events in the summer - brilliant.

VivDeering Fri 13-Jan-17 18:46:59

It might not be brilliant, but it might not be a bad thing either.

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