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Sex after total hysterectomy (problems)

(12 Posts)
NCembarrassed Thu 12-Jan-17 22:40:15

I've hesitated posting as I don't want people who haven't had a hysterectomy presuming they'll have this issue - I'm hoping this isn't usual.

DH and I have never had much sex (I have a higher sex drive). He has aspergers and takes fluoxetine to help him cope - but it has a side effect of dampening his ardour. So I'm lucky now if we make love 4-5 times a year (partly my fault as I couldn't have sex when pregnant as it was too painful and caused bleeding). He also finds condoms have a bad effect on his erection so thought my hysterectomy was good news for him in that respect.

I have had several dodgy smear results and further treatment, so the consultant recommended I have my cervix removed at the same time as the hysterectomy (endo and other problems). DH is now finding it too 'roomy' up there so our sex life has died. The extra room kills off his erection.

Neither of us is happy with this but cannot think of a solution (other than non-penetrative sex - which is ok, we just don't find it as satisfying). I don't think I want to be celibate for the rest of my life, what can we do?

MatildaTheCat Thu 12-Jan-17 22:58:33

I've not been in your situation but am a hcp in the field. Can I ask if you have worked on pelvic floor exercises since surgery? The birth canal is extraordinarily roomy when stretched and can be, to quite an extent, retired with exercise. The cervix is beyond the normal point of penetration by definition so shouldn't make a huge difference.

Ask for a gynae physio referral or pay for a few sessions. It may be very helpful. And ask dh if he is being absolutely truthful ( without being cruel) as he may possibly be shifting the blame if he has erectile difficulties.

Discuss with GP and work on this one.

Keepcalmanddrinkcoffee Thu 12-Jan-17 23:24:31

Had a hysterectomy years ago. It was the best thing for my sex life. No more pain during sex etc.
My husband said it felt the same. So I also wonder if it is all in your husbands head. Could he just be using it as an excuse rather than admit he has a problem.

Aroseforemily Thu 12-Jan-17 23:29:29

I agree with PP, he can't keep an erection with condoms now can't keep on without, it's his issue not yours.

Is he waking with an election, or can help maintain one with oral sex?

Aroseforemily Thu 12-Jan-17 23:30:41

Waking with erection not election

HelenaDove Fri 13-Jan-17 01:16:01

He is using your hysterectomy as an excuse to blame you for his issues.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 13-Jan-17 01:31:58

Having a hysterectomy does NOT affect how your vagina feels. He's using that as an excuse.

Aroseforemily Fri 13-Jan-17 10:38:41

I've just re-read your post. I'd missed the bit about fluoxetine, a common side effect is impotence and delayed ejaculation.

It's unfair of him to be blaming you.

RegTheMonkey1 Fri 13-Jan-17 12:51:02

My OH said it felt no different at all after mine. I don't see why removing the cervix makes the vagina 'roomier'.

RegTheMonkey1 Fri 13-Jan-17 12:51:58

My OH said it felt no different at all after mine. I don't see why removing the cervix makes the vagina 'roomier'.

RegTheMonkey1 Fri 13-Jan-17 12:53:09

Sorry for repeat post.

Aedh Fri 13-Jan-17 15:30:38

My DH says our sex life is now better than ever since my hysterectomy.
Methinks your DH has the issues not you. Poor form blaming you though. Very poor.

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