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If you were single from mid 30's until you die...

(89 Posts)
sugarlost Thu 12-Jan-17 21:59:47

Not your choice but you just did not meet the one and gave up on dating..how would you feel and what would you do?

Imfree Thu 12-Jan-17 22:01:18

Would there be children in this scenario?

EggnoggAndMulledWine Thu 12-Jan-17 22:01:38

I'd likely settle for someone. Or have lots of one nights stands as I couldn't live without sex and get into lots of good hobbies to meet new people and fill my time.

Are you 30?

PippaFawcett Thu 12-Jan-17 22:03:59

If I didn't have children already, I would look at my options to do this and I think I could manage by myself.

SuffolkBumkin Thu 12-Jan-17 22:04:31

Pretty much there already! Feel happy to be healthy etc, will never miss sex, only sadness is that my children will never have that 'father figure' presence in their life.

user1484226561 Thu 12-Jan-17 22:05:56

I'm asexual and I prefer being single

BumDNC Thu 12-Jan-17 22:08:34

I didn't mind much but during the summer I was like hmmm let's give it a go might be fun, totally prepared to give up for another few years then I met someone nice.
I don't think I am scared of being alone. If I am single when kids leave home I have plans and would still have a happy life. I can live without sex

katplva Thu 12-Jan-17 22:12:02

I think I would try to take opportunities that suit me and my desire to go travelling, such as take a job abroad, and generally get away whenever I wanted to (on my own, hand luggage only!). But I know that there are many things that can occur to tie one down other than a romantic relationship, such as family ties, financial commitments etc, so maybe I am looking at the single life through rose-tinted glasses smile

pieceofpurplesky Thu 12-Jan-17 22:12:52

47 and been there for nearly three years. Eggnog you can live without sex and it is not that easy to have a one night stand with kids (especially when ex h does not do sleepovers).

I am lonely sometimes but I have a job I love, my own house, a beautiful son and great friends. When exh lived here it was never peaceful, it was always about him. I was on eggshells as was DS. I would not want to be like that again.
I read, I walk my dog, I watch Netflix ... life is simple and peaceful.

Walkacrossthesand Thu 12-Jan-17 22:13:20

This looks like how my life will be - divorced at 35, one 3 year LDR since, nothing on the horizon and the odds of meeting someone shrinking (I'm mid-50s now) by the year. Not ecstatic, TBH, I just hope I don't live to be very old - I know plenty of seniors have to live alone, but they haven't all had 30-40 years without a 'significant other' before it...

picklemepopcorn Thu 12-Jan-17 22:14:58

I'd be chilled. I'd have cats and dogs, takeaway whenever I want, and more cats and dogs. And I'd get rid of the telly, and all his collections...

OneWithTheForce Thu 12-Jan-17 22:18:01

This is my current situation and I hate it.

I am 30, I have two children and I have been single for 6.5 years with one 4 month dating scenario in all that time. I have done the one night stands, online dating, going out to bars etc I am very much over it and want to meet my life partner and get married, have more children. I hate my current situation and it terrifies me that this is my life now until I die. I have an aunt who has never had a relationship after her divorce in her 30's and she is miserable and angry. It scares me.

INeedNewShoes Thu 12-Jan-17 22:22:00

I would enjoy my life which is fulfilling as it is (busy social life, satisfying job, hobbies that keep me entertained) and I would have a child using a sperm donor to fulfill my desire to be a parent.

This is exactly where I am. 34, life is really pretty good, I just happen not to have met a man to settle down with at this point. I'm not ruling it out but I decided to go it alone to have a child as it's so important to me. In doing so I've created a situation where I won't be in a position to date/develop a relationship with a man for a few years as a stable upbringing for my child will have to be my priority.

Dontaskmegoogleit Thu 12-Jan-17 22:22:07

I would lie diagonally on the bed.
Keep the remote in my hand.
Join evening classes.
Go on city breaks.
Eat sandwiches or cheese or olives for dinner.
Watch all the real housewives of ......
And make more time for friends

Dontaskmegoogleit Thu 12-Jan-17 22:23:24

And read more !

sugarlost Thu 12-Jan-17 22:29:29

Hi Egg,
I'm approaching 40. If I could sexually fulfilled one night stands I still don't think that could satisfy me. I need more..emoitional fulfilment...it's that feeling of getting used I guess...I can't handle and I'd fall for them.

Hi imfree,
With or without children scenario....I'm without.

Thanks for the replies all.

I had a meaningless sexual encounter...it made me reflect that I was literally going through the motions...maybe to even have a story to tell which was extremely sad on reflection. I had been communicating with someone online for a while..met up and did the deed as it had been a while and I stupidly liked him and thought we would meet again. I've moved on from that...in a way it was good for me as it made me realise I would rather be alone then experience that soulless feeling again..it's just not for me but I don't condemn those who are up for one nighters and some fun..I just can't handle it. Sex for me has been more of an act then an earth moving experience...that's for the man lol

I know some long term single people and one in particular makes no mention of her feelings on relationships...it's like a taboo that we don't discuss..I think it may be painful for her as I havent known her to date for over 20 years.

sugarlost Thu 12-Jan-17 22:33:28

I'm lucky have a good social circle of friends and enjoy my own company. I just feel a part of me is not complete. If I don't meet the one will I always feel like a part of me is not complete? Will I be resentful of others? In truth I'm scared to grow to be a bitter person...

Butterfly30 Thu 12-Jan-17 22:37:48

I would focus on my business, friendships and my family...

I am actually at this point in my life now, considering a life of singledom. Since all the relationships I've had have either ended up being deeply unsatisfying or very painful.

ExitPursuedBySpartacus Thu 12-Jan-17 22:40:09

I'm sure you can be happy without a meaningful other. You read of so many awful relationships on here. You need to find your own truth and your own peace.

And a pet.

CatBallou2 Thu 12-Jan-17 22:40:41

I'm 50, single for a year after a very long relationship, no DC. I'm at the beginning of working out my future and the possibility of being single for the rest of my life. I already have the cats & hoping to get a rescue dog!

I tell myself that I'll be fine if I never have another relationship, and hopefully, that'll be the case. I'm perfectly fine being single, even though it still feels a bit strange.

I don't think that you do anything in place of being single, you just live your life the way you want to & try and be brave enough to do new things - that's what I'm struggling with, if I'm honest. I've tried doing a couple of new things, but need to push myself to do more. However, my tendency is to retreat into my home with my cats, books, tablet, etc. I've lived overseas & still do, although a little closer to home these days & I've had different types of jobs, so I'm happy enough that I've experienced a bit of life.

MatildaTheCat Thu 12-Jan-17 22:43:12

Mid thirties is very young to give up on ever meeting someone special. However it's also very possible to concentrate on living well, being happy and being open to the possibility of meeting someone nice. These things tend to happen when you aren't expecting it.

OLD is a seemingly soulless process and not for everyone. You've learned that the hard way. You may decide to try again but with more life experience. In the meantime why not just be open to all kinds of social opportunities and take it as it comes?

sugarlost Thu 12-Jan-17 22:44:25

Walk & One...I tried to send flowers to you x
I often think how others feel in the same situation..I honestly feel like it's taboo. Some of my friends don't even ask me about dating anymore..that makes me feel like they've given up on me...those in similar situations don't discuss it...it's negative I think to admit . My friends who are settled I know some are thinking they are glad they have settled down and are not single..well some have said it.
I enjoy my freedom but I miss the days of having a good man to come home to after a crappy day in the office or a good night out with the girls...to plan with..to surprise me and love me smile.

Butterfly30 Thu 12-Jan-17 22:45:11

sugarlost I could never do the one night stand thing, been there done that ended up feeling worse about myself afterwards. For me, I could never really relax enough to enjoy it as much as I would with someone I had a real connection with either. And then, like you say, there is that feeling of being used. Not for me, but each to their own.

80sbabyz Thu 12-Jan-17 22:46:06

OneWithTheForce our situation is the same except I've been single with one child for 9 years (minus one relationship that lasted a month when i was 24 lol am now 30). I was happy to be single due to the traumatic breakup with my ex 9yrs ago but now I'm ready to date, fall in love, get married and have more children. So hopefully 2017 is our year smile

Harvestmoonsobig Thu 12-Jan-17 22:51:19

Recently separated. My life has not changed. I felt single in my marriage. So I am carrying on as normal minus the resentment of cleaning up after another person.

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