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Does this look likely to be an affair?

(41 Posts)
Hillbilly5 Thu 12-Jan-17 17:39:52

My son in law has allegedly been working away from home on a number of weekends. He rarely contacts my daughter when he's away. He had told my daughter about a work colleague that he is 'friends' with and making very openly complimentary remarks about her and told my daughter that she is very unhappily married. He has openly showed my daughter pics of them together along with the woman's daughter which made them look like a family. He has told my daughter on a number of occasions about days when they have met up together outside of work at the weekend, one occasion she brought her 3 year old son along. There have been nights he had been due to arrive home but never turned up. My daughter has checked his phone records and they are constantly calling and texting one another, on most days being the first and last person they speak to each day. On one particular occasion he told my daughter he was meeting this woman for the afternoon and then dinner. My daughter later found a hotel receipt for that night with her husband's name and Mrs Xx Xx on it. After tackling him he said he had stayed with another guy colleague at the hotel and the hotel receipt was a misprint, then the story changed and he said he stayed on his own. Then he changed his story and said he was working that day. She found out that the place he said he was working wasn't even open so we know that's not true. They Skype one another and my daughter has found messages where they call each other 'babe' etc and end with numerous kisses. My daughter feels totally betrayed. She has always been very trusting....Stupidly so and so he has been playing her for a mug seemingly.
I just wondered if other people would be equally suspicious about what is going on? And would you be inclined to alert the other woman's husband to what our suspicions are as she has been taking their child to meet him as well? Just wanted an objective viewpoint on the situation.

Liiinoo Thu 12-Jan-17 17:44:16

It all sounds very dodgy.

Mooey89 Thu 12-Jan-17 17:44:49

It's an affair.

RainbowsandLemonDrops Thu 12-Jan-17 17:45:13

There is absolutely no two ways about it - that is a full blown affair.

herwegoagain123 Thu 12-Jan-17 17:47:17

How awful. Of course he has been having an affair of some kind. You also have proof with the hotel bill. It is obviously what it looks like, they must have spent the night together but he is coming up with excuses.
Why is she listening to them. She must tell him to leave so that she can process all this nonsense. I don't know why you would ask as its so obvious! Wishing you all the best in looking after your poor daughter.

LineyReborn Thu 12-Jan-17 17:49:54

He's not even hiding it.

Hillbilly5 Thu 12-Jan-17 17:50:34

We have thought this to be the case for a while. My daughter is going to confront him but is sure he will deny the affair.
I'm tempted to take a copy of the hotel receipt, phone records etc and tell the woman's husband what we know. I have a feeling he may have his suspicions already anyway. I just feel that as she has involved the child in their meeting the father has a right to know. Any advice on how to or whether to do this. My daughter won't be able to get a divorce without one of them confessing or confirmed date and time of adultery.

AgentProvocateur Thu 12-Jan-17 17:51:01

Yes, it's obviously an affair. Surprised that she even needs to ask.

228agreenend Thu 12-Jan-17 17:51:45

Definitely an emotional affair, and possibly a physical one also. He probably thinks that being honest about meeting her then it's only a platonic relationship. He doesn't realise he has crossed the line.

She needs to screen shot 'evidence' before he gets supicious and deletes stuff.

ImperialBlether Thu 12-Jan-17 17:52:12

That is an affair that he isn't even bothering to hide.

What's their financial situation? Does your daughter work? Could she throw him out? Would he have somewhere to go to?

DianaMitford Thu 12-Jan-17 17:52:15

Without a shadow of a doubt he is having an affair.

1. Constant contact
2. Frequent meetings/overnight
3. Lying about his true whereabouts
4. (And perhaps most tellingly) Mentionitis.

Your poor daughter. If she were my friend I would be counselling her to chuck him out to be honest. It's drastic advice and not something that I would normally say, but this man is taking the piss. Seriously.

ImperialBlether Thu 12-Jan-17 17:52:58

Is your daughter in the UK, OP?

dementedma Thu 12-Jan-17 17:53:01

I hate the way people on MN always jump to the conclusion that the slightest thing is an affair, but even I would be struggling to defend this one. It's about as obvious as it can be.

wideboy26 Thu 12-Jan-17 17:54:26

There's a saying: if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it IS a duck.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 12-Jan-17 17:54:40

Your SIL might as well take out a billboard that reads I'M HAVING AN AFFAIR. The reason he's been showing her all this stuff is because he's a coward. He wants your daughter to be the one to end it. Please help her. She needs to go to a lawyer NOW and protect herself. This marriage is over.

DianaMitford Thu 12-Jan-17 17:54:54

She can get a divorce - on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour would probably be her best bet. And the unreasonable behaviour could be proven by his actions - whether he admits it or not.

EllenRipley Thu 12-Jan-17 17:55:06

Absolutely no doubt this is an affair. Even on face value he would be absolutely taking the piss out of his relationship with your daughter. She needs to call him out on it and kick his sorry arse out. What a total shame, she is lucky to have you for support.

Mulberry72 Thu 12-Jan-17 17:56:45

It doesn't even look as if he's trying to hide it, why would he be so brazen & cruel as to show your DD photos of himself and the OW?

What a horrible position for your DD to be in OP flowers

DonaldStott Thu 12-Jan-17 18:25:18

Wow. He couldn't be hiding in plain sight any more if he danced around waving his underpants in the air, singing 'I'm having an affair'.

So sorry for your DD.

paulapantsdown Thu 12-Jan-17 18:31:44

Well he has basically told her hasn't he? He couldn't be making it more obvious if he tried!

Ilovecaindingle Thu 12-Jan-17 18:34:17

How long has he known the woman? Is there a chance either of the kids are his?

Thinkingofausername1 Thu 12-Jan-17 18:50:57

Wow. How old is your dd? I'm shocked he has told her this information without thinking it won't get back to you! I'm sorry to say but he sounds like he is overly invested in the colleague. What is your current relationship like? I won't be surprised if he has told lies about yours to this colleague 😭

Purplebluebird Thu 12-Jan-17 18:58:54

Sounds very much like an affair I'm afraid :/

SandyY2K Thu 12-Jan-17 19:08:52

The most obvious indicator, is the hotel receipt. If he had nothing to hide why tell so many lies and be staying away from home so frequently.

She can get a divorce whether he admits it or not, and whether she has proof or not. It will just take longer.

GeekyWombat Thu 12-Jan-17 20:25:51

Agree with previous posters that it seems pretty obvious what is going on. Your poor daughter.

I'm tempted to take a copy of the hotel receipt, phone records etc and tell the woman's husband what we know.
Re: this though, don't do this. Whatever your DD does now has to be her, it can't be you. This is between her and her DH and possibly the other couple. I'm sure you'll be an amazing support for her, and she clearly needs you and values your help and support but getting caught in the middle of the drama is not going to help.

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